Not feeling it

The other day started out rather frustrating. Nothing big or terrible, but just little things that put me in a cranky mood. I told God I didn’t want to be cranky, yet as the day progressed the little things kept getting more and more aggravating. Why was this happening?

We all have bad days and while I tried to chalk it up to being one of those days, it was still hard to plow through. I was glad it was a weekend so that I wasn’t grumpy with work colleagues, but even that thought didn’t lighten my spirit. I used my favorite mug,  but my smile seemed bittersweet. I had some chocolate as a treat after lunch, but it was rather unsatisfying. I worked on my spinning wheel and even making the progress I did, I felt no better then when I first started out the day. It almost seemed like the more I tried, the more miserable I felt, which then made me feel even more miserable because I was feeling miserable.

As I began to reflect on my feelings, I realized that just because my favorite mug didn’t make me happy, doesn’t mean I’ll never use it again. The same goes for eating chocolate, as I know in the future it will taste lovely and bring a smile to my face. I have way too much wool that is practically calling my name, so when I get a spare hour or so, I know I will enjoy the creative process of making yarn and knitting or weaving it. My feelings may enhance or challenge the things I use, consume, and do, but they are not the only indicator. The same is true for religion. While feelings of joy and peace serve to enhance our relationship with God, they do not define it.

I did tell God that I didn’t want to be cranky, yet He allowed it. He allowed me to eat, drink, and work with a sad spirit. No, that was not cruel of Him, as it illustrated to me that I shouldn’t base decisions on feelings. I have a relationship with Him and I put my trust in Him, not how I feel. It also seemed to underscore Peter’s response into this past Sunday’s Gospel, “Master, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and are convinced that you are the Holy One of God.” (John 6:68-69)

At the end of the day, I did feel a sense of peace because of being thankful. I appreciate the opportunity to trust in God when I am cranky. Thankful I did not blame Him for my bad mood, or that it stayed the whole day when I asked Him to make it go away. Thankful for the chance to practice being poor in spirit, that is not being addicted to happy feelings. And, perhaps most of all, that tomorrow is another day and I’ll have another chance of making it a bright one.

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