Unrest in the soul

We all have our ups and downs. We all struggle with concerns on many fronts. We all make choices. Even with prayer, some are easier to make than others.

I’m currently weighed down by a decision to continue with a friendship. I feel like I have been scarred by our last meeting during the Christmas season. My friend displayed not many signs of friendship: she came to my house sick with sinus issues and monopolized the conversation by complaining about her life and how difficult it was. A few days later I came down with a sinus infection that took two rounds of antibiotics to kick. The meeting left me feeling anything but happy to see her, and that I was a terrible person and friend to think so. But this was not the only time I’ve felt this way. Even before she came, I felt I needed to put on some emotional “body armor” as I expected her sharp comments. She’s a very decisive person, and it often seems that once she comes to a decision, if you don’t share the same decision then you’re just stupid.

We only meet up a few times a year. Since I don’t believe in coincidence, I feel that God put her in my life for a reason. She is not a person of faith at all and tolerates if I talk about my faith. Am I to be a light to her? She is struggling with a number of diseases that has left her in discomfort or, at times, pain. Am I to be a source of companionship during her struggle? A family situation is rather trying to her and she looks to get out of the house to take a break from it. Am I to be a refuge for that occasional relief?

This past Sunday’s readings spoke of loving one’s neighbor. I don’t believe I harbor a grudge against her and her actions. I think partly it’s that I’m disappointed that rather than celebrating getting together or declining to meet due to the sinus issue, she came and sucked all the joy out of me while sharing her sickness. I want to be sympathetic, I do pray daily for her. She emailed last week about setting up our next meeting. It was a rough week at work and, still feeling hurt from the last time, I deleted it. But she is persistent and I know she’ll email again; I will need to answer. Will I be able to get past the hurt, accept her for who she is (sharp comments and all) and strive to love her as God does? I know I can lean on God for strength to get me through and make the right decision. Rather than worry and stress over it, I know I need to leave it in His hands. Sometimes, it’s easier said than done.

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