My muscles are sore. My day job is working with websites, sitting at a desk. Because I’m moving to Virginia, my spare time has been spent packing boxes and painting to prepare my condo for sale. I can’t do it all alone.
I don’t look at it as a test, something I will either pass or fail, but rather as an opportunity. It’s not practice, as that suggests it doesn’t count in the grand scheme of the game of life. Rather, it’s like a solo performance of my trust in God. I’ve been on my own for almost 25 years; I’m very used to being responsible for myself and doing things alone. I pray the surrender prayer daily, “Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything.” That’s very easy to say when things are going well, but I’m realizing I’m not as young as when I bought my condo 21 years ago. I need help to get this place sold.
Sometimes it’s asking for the strength to pack another box. Another time it may be to resist the urge to dump everything in a box instead of thoughtfully sort through it to make the decision to keep it, donate it, or trash it. The biggest moment of surrender was to send out emails to friends to ask them to help me move furniture and paint the remaining rooms. It was a public admission that I can’t do it all myself. It may not seem like a big deal to some, but for me, it was a huge step. I realized God has put people in my life to help me; not asking them for assistance is to refuse His gift. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, rather it is a sign of strength. I know my limits, and yes, I may push my limits, but not so far that I would do injury to myself. When I ask for help in situations, I’m not admitting defeat, but rather I am humbly admitting that I need reinforcements to make it to victory. Defeat would be to say I cannot do this and just stop, which unfortunately has crossed my mind a time or two.
Once I am settled in Virginia, it should be interesting to reflect back on these opportunities of surrendering to God and asking for help. For now, I’m trying to keep the goal in sight and remember the words of St. Paul, “I have the strength for everything through Him who empowers me.” (Phil 4: 13)