It looked like a blue, plaid, overstuffed sausage, ready to explode. Its weight increasingly felt as if an entire set of dumbbells were nestled inside. Carrying this mass, I pondered how I wished the weight of sin could be felt and understood as easily as my overnight bag. 

In reality, there wasn’t “much” in the bag. I was traveling home from an Alaskan cruise recently, and rather than spend 12 hours in the airport, I opted for a hop-on/hop-off bus excursion to allow me to see the sights of Seattle. Because these buses don’t have room for large bags, I needed to travel light. My overnight bag contained only the clothes I wore the night before, select toiletries, my two cameras and their batteries, a scarf knitting project, my noise canceling headphones, and my neck pillow. I rolled my clothes up tight, so they would take up the least amount of space, but that in turn seemed to make them dense and heavy. It all fit into the bag, with the exception of the neck pillow. I never weighed it, but as I progressed around the different stops in Seattle, it seemed to get progressively heavier. I tried to shift the weight from one side to the other, but that just made both knees hurt. I even wondered what I could remove and discard that could make it lighter, but there was nothing. I guess I could have really looked like a tourist with one or both of my cameras hanging around my neck, but I would still need to carry their weight, even if their removal made the bag lighter. While I love traveling, and especially cruising, getting to and from the destination or ship is the most agonizing part of the journey. 

With the weight of my possessions grinding into my body, I wondered what it would be like if we carried our sins in the same way? What if our spiritual life had physical aspects to it? What if our pride made us 12 feet tall, and doors were only 6 feet tall, forcing us to bow low to get through each one? What if every harsh word resulted in a cut or boil within our mouth or on our tongue? What if each time we made a judgment against another, we added 5 pounds to our weight? Far too often, we invent reasons for  allowing sin into our lives, making excuses for them until, instead of being opportunities for conversation with God, we corrupt our vision to see them as His gifts to us. Most times we’re not only oblivious to how we hurt others, but we can’t see the harm we’re doing to ourselves. It may not seem that grave, not like murder, and it may seem like only a few little lies to “spare” another, but the weight of even the lightest of sins still adds up over time. If we saw a spiritual depiction of ourselves, would we even recognize the frail, bent body carrying the load that we insist we need?

God does not want us to suffer stoically in our sinful nature. He’s given us the gift of the Eucharist to keep us refreshed in His Love on a daily or weekly basis which can repair the damage of minor infractions. For a “deeper clean,” the sacrament of Reconciliation, that is confessing to a priest with sorrow and the intention of avoiding the same and other sins, is available every week of the year; it’s not just for Christmas and Easter. A good confession can return our souls to the same state it was at our Baptism, when we were freed from all our sins and that of original sin. That is quite a powerful sacrament! Do we appreciate these sacraments for their healing nature? Or, do we avoid  sacraments like Reconciliation because we are uncomfortable admitting our weaknesses? Is it possible that we prefer the weight of our sins to the freedom of God’s love? 

Once home with my bags all unpacked and the laundry washed and put away, my memory of how heavy that overnight bag was began to fade. However, the analogy of the sinful baggage we cling to cannot be as easily forgotten. Given that our true home and destination is heaven, we’ll need to divest ourselves of the sins we carry either here on earth  or in purgatory. Let’s work to lighten our loads by participating in the sacraments, forming our consciences to God Commandments, and praying for the intercession of Mary and the other saints as we journey towards home.