God sees each person as an unique individual, and that is demonstrated by how He prepared Mary and Joseph to be the parents of Jesus. Each was visited by an angel, but their experiences, at least what we know of them, were vastly different.

Luke’s Gospel shares with us Mary’s encounter with the Archangel Gabriel. There is a conversational exchange that occurs between them. When the angel greets her,  Mary is “greatly troubled  at what was said and pondered what sort of greeting this might be.” (Lk 1:29) I’ve heard many interpretations that indicate Mary was afraid, but the text doesn’t seem to indicate that. She doesn’t seem to be disturbed that an angel is visiting her, it’s more his message that seems to concern her. But since she is “filled with grace,” has the awareness to ponder the words used by the angel, and, perhaps knowing of the long-awaited Messiah, she recognized the magnanimous and prophetic language that the angel used. Being such a humble young woman, Mary’s interaction does not seem to be fearful, but rather inquisitive and wanting to understand enough  that she acts in accordance with the will of God. The angel departs only after Mary provides her consent to be “the handmaid of the Lord.”

In contrast, it is Matthew’s Gospel that shares Joseph’s perspective (Matt 1:18-25). Matthew only mentions that Mary is found to be with child before they lived together. Joseph, being a righteous man, was going to quietly divorce Mary because he was unaware of how the conception took place. Joseph is then also visited by an angel; however, it is not  “in-person,” so to speak, but rather in a dream. And instead of seeking Joseph’s acceptance of the situation, he is given directions to follow: take Mary into his home and name the child Jesus. The angel does kindly give the how (conceived by the Holy Spirit) and why (to fulfill the prophets and save people from their sins) of Mary’s pregnancy. Upon awakening, Joseph follows the directions he was  given. God communicates twice more to Joseph using this dream method, helping him to protect and care for Jesus.

Why is there a difference between the two communication methods? Could it be that because Mary was immaculately conceived that she could be visited by an angel when awake? While that may have some merit, Luke’s Gospel also gives the account of Gabriel appearing to Zechariah, the husband of Elizabeth and the father of John the Baptist. Zechariah was a priest, and that may have been a factor for sending the angel during the time he was ministering in the temple. A modern perspective would be quick to judge that it was due to Joseph being a menial carpenter that he did not receive a visit by the angel while awake. But logic would refute that. Otherwise why, or how, could God trust Joseph with the Most Precious of all children if He didn’t find him worthy enough to receive an encounter with an angel? Maybe focusing on the angel visit as an indicator of the holiness of the individual is the wrong way to interpret the difference. It could be that the relationship between God and Joseph was so deep, that God trusted him immensely to the point that He knew Joseph only needed to be provided the necessary information in a dream in order for him to take action. (If an angel appeared in a dream to me and gave me instructions, I’m not sure I would be able to follow them upon awakening; I’d probably wonder what it was that I ate or drank that gave me such odd dreams!)

God prepares each of us for the challenges that lie ahead of us in whatever way that we can understand best. He gives us what we need at the time we need it. He knows our human nature too well, thinking we understand more than we do, as well as our propensity to worry and be anxious about things yet to come. We look to Mary and Joseph not to see how God communicates, but that He picks the method that is needed to achieve His purposes.