Poor Thomas usually gets the nickname, Doubting Thomas, however, a closer inspection of the last chapter of each Gospel should prompt the question, Who doesn’t doubt?

“When they saw him, they worshiped, but they doubted.” (Mt 28:17) One of the last lines in Matthew’s Gospel is at the point Jesus gives the Apostles the mission to proclaim Him to the world. It seems a bit odd to see that the Apostles doubted the risen Jesus! From Matthew’s perspective, his message seems a little unfinished if the Apostles were still doubting. Perhaps it’s because the Gospels are written several decades after this time. In addition, Jesus’ ascension and Pentecost, the coming of the Holy Spirit, boosted their faith, which in turn prompted the Gospels to be written. Perhaps it’s a subtle acknowledgement that this can be a difficult teaching and it’s okay to question it. 

“When they heard that he was alive and had been seen by her, they did not believe.” (Mk 16: 11) “After this he appeared in another form to two of them walking along on their way to the country.  They returned and told the others; but they did not believe them either.” (Mk 16: 12-13) Mark’s Gospel account relates that the Apostles did not believe Mary Magdalene nor the two disciples who had returned to Jerusalem, most likely the two who were walking to Emmaus. Twice! How can the Apostles not believe two separate accounts? Did they believe all were imagining a ghost? 

“The women were Mary Magdalene, Joanna, and Mary the mother of James; the others who accompanied them also told this to the apostles, but their story seemed like nonsense and they did not believe them.” (Lk 24: 10-11) In Luke’s account, it is the women’s story that is received with disbelief. Later on in the chapter is the story of the disciples on the way to Emmaus as well as Jesus appearing to the Apostles. At that time period, women did not have legal status and could not be an eye witness in court. Thinking with that mindset, it seems plausible that the men would discount what the women said. However, these were women who most likely traveled with the itinerant band. They would have been familiar with the women and know they would not tell lies or make up stories. Perhaps because the subject matter was unthinkable, they couldn’t understand the resurrection?

“Then the other disciple also went in, the one who had arrived at the tomb first, and he saw and believed. For they did not yet understand the scripture that he had to rise from the dead.”  (Jn 20:8-9) John’s Gospel is almost the reverse of the others. While it doesn’t come out that Peter didn’t believe, it implies such because the other apostle stated his belief in the risen Lord. John’s Gospel also includes the story of Thomas as well as an epitaph remarking on why the Gospel was written so that people could come to believe in Jesus. 

It’s comforting to see that even those closest to Jesus struggled to comprehend the entirety of His mission. I do believe in all the aspects of Jesus’ birth, death, and resurrection, however, I cannot explain how Jesus did all of this. I believe these are all miracles that God can do, the God of all creation — from the smallest atom and particle to the largest planet and galaxy — He can do anything. What I struggle with is how God is working in my life. In the good times and in the troublesome times, God is always there with us, just like He was with all the Apostles as they came to the realization of Jesus and His mission, which became their own.

Everyone doubts something at some point. It’s more about what we do when we are in doubt that will determine how doubt affects us. We can either turn away from God, letting doubt be greater than God. Or we can turn it over to God and lean into Him to help us through it, in which case our doubt strengthens our faith. In these times, we can reach out to the Apostles for support as well, since they understand doubt and how it can transform us into messengers of the Gospel.