Catholic Girl Journey

Tears of Joy

Have you ever laughed so hard tears ran down your face? I call that tears of joy. Many people associate tears with sadness, but my favorite tears are the result of a heart overflowing with emotion. Of course when I’m upset I cry, but also when I’m really frustrated or when I’m really happy. Sometimes I even cry when I encounter Jesus in the Eucharist as I mentally tell Him what’s on my heart and mind. There’s one circumstance in which I always cry: reconciliation. Sometimes the tears come when I’m preparing myself and reviewing what actions or failures to act have pushed God away.  The true sorrow I feel often is expressed by tears. Sometimes tears come when I’m in the confessional as I admit my wrong-doings and receive God’s mercy. And if it didn’t happen before or during confession, then the tears will come as I am performing my penance, realizing that I’m starting with a cleansed soul.

Confession does not come easy to me, but I do appreciate the sacrament. Although I tend to call it by the colloquial name, confession, that’s just the word for the action that we take within the sacrament. While there are many names, the one that I think sums up the sacrament best is reconciliation. I’ve heard Bishop Barron refer to the derivation as coming from the same word-root used for our eyelashes. Thus when we are reconciled with God, we see Him eyelash to eyelash (or eyeball to eyeball). That’s quite close and intimate; the only thing closer is when we receive the Eucharist, for then God is within us. That’s why reconciliation is a great way to prepare to receive the Eucharist.

It’s a beautiful sacrament to celebrate, if we only let go of our human egos and realize the gifts God wants to give us rather than focusing on the embarrassment of saying our sins out loud. I find it fascinating to hear the objections others have to the sacrament. Many times they think they can just confess their sins to God directly and avoid going through a priest. But the priest isn’t there to make a checklist to hand to God, he’s there in the person of Christ. For me it means that Jesus is using the priest as His ears to hear what I say and His mouth to give me absolution. Not only that, when I humble myself to express my sins out loud to the priest, I have already taken the first step toward reconciling with God.  

When we stop struggling and let God in and ask for His forgiveness and help, our relationship is healed. The postures and environment reflect what is happening in the sacrament. Usually the Church is quite silent, mirroring the stillness we have reached. While there are many different types of confessionals, I’m most familiar with the kind that looks like a small closet with  a door that the penitent enters. A screen prevents the priest from seeing the penitent and the penitent can’t see the priest—he has his own door and his own cubicle and there is only that screen to connect the two. Usually, there isn’t much light in the penitent’s part of the confessional. One would  kneel on the kneeler in front of the screen to confess and  to receive the sacrament. Walking into that darkened room feels like walking into my darkened soul, but I am not there to hide in the shadows. The gentle light that filters through the screen is like the light of God beckoning me to come closer. Like being in a shower, I usually close my eyes and let God’s mercy wash over me as the priest says, “And I absolve you from your sins…” After receiving the sacrament, when I open the door and the light floods in, it is just like what God’s grace and mercy have done to my soul in the sacrament. As I walk into the light of the Church, it’s like I’m walking back into the light of Christ. This is when my tears of repentance become tears of joy.

Catholic Girl Journey

The Pope’s Challenge

Saturday morning dawned overcast, but dry and I had every intention of going kayaking. I turned on the television to keep me company while eating breakfast and there I stayed; kayaking was forgotten.

The excitement of the arrival of Pope Francis to the Cathedral Basilica of Sts. Peter and Paul in Philadelphia was transmitted through the television. The faces beaming with joy and happiness at just a glimpse of His Holiness reminded me of my pilgrimage to Italy, where I was blessed to attend his Wednesday audience. Looking at the pope’s face, it almost appears that he takes in all the joy demonstrated by the people and channels it back to them in his loving smile, his bright eyes and the tender caresses for the children and disabled. While I have had the privilege of attending a Mass or to at the Cathedral, to see the pope celebrating Mass there did bring me to tears.

“And you?” The quote from Pope Leo XIII to Katherine Drexel was the key message in Pope Francis’ homily at the Cathedral. “What about you?” the pope asked. In a congregation comprised largely of ordained and religious, he pointed out it was said to a lay woman who had brought to Pope Leo’s attention the plight of Afro-Americans and American Indians in 1887. Yes, she did enter religious life after that encounter, but the pope reminded us that by baptism, we all have a mission to build up the Church in our community. We all have our own unique role to play. Some are called to a religious vocation, some are called to an active response by going out to the periphery, and some are called to support activities “behind the scenes.” Since the congregation was primarily religious, one may think dedicating their life to God’s work would be enough. But Pope Francis has issued a challenge to dig deeper and reflect on what you can do to bring Jesus to the community. He said we need to be creative in adapting to the changing times, but always being rooted in the Catholic traditions.

When I attended Mass on Sunday, the priest indicated he was in the congregation at the Cathedral and was struck by the pope’s homily. We all need to be reflections of Jesus, sharing the Spirit with everyone we encounter. The whirlwind visit of His Holiness has left us with much to ponder, but it cannot stop at just thought. It needs to be turned into action. What about you? What will you do to be Christ to another?

Catholic Girl Journey

A Close Encounter Among a Few Hundred Friends

After a full day of music, silence reigned. Hundreds were on their knees, each holding a lighted candle. Jesus was the star.

Adoration of the Eucharist at AbbeyFest 2015

Adoration of the Eucharist at AbbeyFest 2015

On the beautiful grounds of Daylesford Abbey, the second annual AbbeyFest was every bit as uplifting and transforming as the first. Mingling families with religious, all celebrating God’s goodness and glory. For me, it was the opportunity to renew old friendships along with making new ones. What a powerful experience to be among Catholics, singing God’s praises, celebrating His humanity in Mass and adoring His divinity in adoration.

The Norbertine fathers of the Abbey are gracious hosts. Abbot Richard Antonucci, O. Pream remarked at Mass that it was the highpoint of their year, one that was reflected in the joy that beamed from each man’s face, from the younger to the elder. The talents of various artists, from the Marie Miller Band to Sara Groves and Brandon Heath, entertained the crowds during the day, preparing all for an amazing celebration of Mass.

One of the special experiences at the end of Mass occurs when the fathers call to come forward all those who are both in preparation for religious life as well as those who are discerning a vocation. It is incredible to see the amount of young people who are open to God’s call. Even more incredible is the abbot asking the congregation to extend their hands over the gathered group as he leads a prayer for them. While it’s not unusual for me to keep others in my prayers, it’s quite a different experience when the recipients are present and the prayer posture has my hands stretched out. It’s electric; you can almost feel the prayer itself.

Matt Maher at AbbeyFest 2015

Matt Maher at AbbeyFest 2015

While the advertisement listed the headlining act as Matt Maher, the real star of the show was Jesus in  Eucharistic adoration. Matt’s songs seemed to take on a richer meaning in the context surrounding adoration. Hundreds, perhaps thousands, were kneeling in silence with lighted candles who just moments before were singing and dancing along with Matt’s performance. The candles seemed to be the fire of love each of us has for God. We have been renewed with God’s love through the musical gifts He has bestowed on these talented people. Matt’s ending song, “Hold Us Together”, was perfect to send us on our way and prepare us for the World Meeting of Families. The celebration of the Catholic Faith in a little corner of Pennsylvania has begun.

Catholic Girl Journey

Take Action

“Repent, and believe in the gospel.” (Mk 1:15)

In many books I’ve read about Catholicism, this point is emphasized by many different writers. It speaks of faith as a concrete and conscious decision. The mercy of God does not give us the license to do whatever we want. Rather, we are invited to choose to believe and to change our attitudes and behaviors accordingly.

The passage above from the beginning of Mark’s gospel is the proclamation that Jesus makes as he enters Galilee after the arrest of John the Baptist. He is calling for people to take action, to take a look at their life and to make changes. The change required is action based on belief in the good news that Jesus preached. I’ve heard it said that when you listen to Jesus’ message, you cannot take it lightly. You need to decide for yourself if He is a liar, a lunatic or the Son of God. He preached that God loves you, but He also said that you need to love everyone as you love yourself. So do you smile lovingly when someone cuts in front of you on the highway? It’s not as simple as it sounds. Jesus’ actions during His time on earth are examples for us to follow today. They are not suggestions, but rather illustrations of what our behavior should be. Do we take up our crosses daily and follow Jesus?

It’s very easy to be faithful when it emotionally feels good. But often the moment of truth is when difficulties arise. Sometimes we can stand tall, but do we also pat ourselves on the back for doing so? When we fall short of living a life based on the gospel, do we take ownership for our mistakes, acknowledging them and repenting once again?

The journey of faith is one day at a time. We may not see the progress we are making when we look forward.  Rarely can we can see how far we have come, or how far we need to go. We should not think of difficult times as a test that we need to pass or fail. Consider them an opportunity to practice our commitment to live the gospel. Regardless of the ups and downs along the way, the direction should  always be forward; to continue to seek God by choosing to live a life according to God’s plan.

Catholic Girl Journey

The Rock

I remember in the parish where I grew up, there was one older priest whose homilies were captivating to me as a youngster. While I may not be able to recall the details, I remember the substance.  His homilies often included details about the Jewish culture, traditions, and environment and how they impacted the people of Jesus’ time. Even now, homilies with this sort of information help me appreciate the gospel message much more.

In Matthew 16:13-20, Caesarea Philippi is mentioned. I recall one homily when the priest explained the significance of that mention: the city is located beside a sheer rock wall. So when Jesus renames Simon to Peter, calling him the rock, it is in juxtaposition to the visible rock. If you dig deeper into this location, even more significance emerges. This location is one of the sources of the Jordan river. It is also home to pagan temples, which were in ruins at the time of Jesus.

“And Jesus answered him, ‘Blessed are you, Simon Bar-Jona! For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father who is in heaven. And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my Church, and the powers of death shall not prevail against it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.’” (Mt 16: 17-19)

In declaring Simon the rock and that the gates of hell would not prevail, Jesus promises the Church will last longer than the pagan temples that had fallen into ruin. While there have been times of uncertainty, He has kept His promise to this day. I have been blessed to see three men in the office of Pope illustrate different ways to be humble servants of God. Saint John Paul II struggled gracefully with his declining health. Benedict XVI, like my early parish priest, illuminates us with his teaching. Francis both advocates and illustrates how to put the gospel into action. These men have been and are the rock of the Church. If we can strive to practice even just a little from each, we will be grounded in the faith and able to stand tall in the face of difficulties. And learning a little bit more about the context of the gospel stories gives a richness that can increase our faith in God’s plan for salvation.

The rock wall at Caesarea Philippi

The rock wall at Caesarea Philippi

Catholic Girl Journey

The Same but Different

It was the same order of Mass, the Eucharist was consecrated and distributed, yet it was different. While in Washington DC, I attended Saint Luke’s at the Immaculate Conception. It is a parish of Personal Ordinariate of the Chair of Saint Peter. Basically it is an Anglican parish that has been received into the Catholic Church, but it retains elements of the Anglican heritage. It was a beautiful Mass and I was very glad to be part of the congregation, since it was my first Catholic Mass that was not of the Roman rite.

The first thing I noticed was that five deacons were assisting the priest and the priest was wearing a hat as he processed to the altar. The hat may have a special name and have Anglican roots. I believe in previous years priests of the Roman rite may have also worn one, but that was a bit before my time (or memory). The priest faced the altar for many of the prayers. While for some that may hearken back to the Latin Mass, again for me, this was new since I am only familiar with the Mass as it is today.

After  the procession, everyone kneels. I was glad they had booklets for me to follow that included the required postures, as this was a new one for me. We knelt from the sign of the cross until the Gloria. The penitential rite began with a set of responses between the priest and the people from Psalm 43. The priest then said the prayer “I confess to Almighty God…” by himself, which was a twist for me. The people responded to that prayer with, “May Almighty God have mercy on thee, forgive thee thy sins, and bring thee to everlasting life.” What an incredible moment to pray for the priest before he consecrates the sacrament! All too often we forget that the priests are human too, and need our prayers just as much as we need his. The people then said the “I confess to Almighty God…” prayer and then stood for the Gloria.

The liturgy of the Word was very similar to the Roman rite, as was the liturgy of the Eucharist, with the exception of some different prayers and definitely more singing by the choir (which alone would have made my attendance there a joy!). There was one prayer in particular that  was recited by all after the Lamb of God/Agnus Dei, but before Communion:

“We do not presume to come to this thy Table, O merciful Lord, trusting in our own righteousness, but in thy manifold and great mercies. We are not worthy so much as to gather up the crumbs under thy Table. But thou art the same Lord whose property is always to have mercy. Grant us therefore, gracious Lord, so to eat the flesh of thy dear Son Jesus Christ, and to drink his blood, that our sinful bodies may be made clean by his body and our souls washed through his most precious blood, and that we may evermore dwell in him, and he in us. Amen.”

I found it such a beautiful prayer to say before receiving Communion, that I took a picture of it so as to remember the words. One of the added blessings in attending this Mass, is that it increased my awareness of the routines of our own Mass.  We sometimes  lack the appreciation and attention this special encounter with our Lord deserves. This particular prayer really focused my attention on the gift I was about to receive.

Another first for me was receiving Communion at the altar rail. After Communion the priest and people all recited a prayer of thanksgiving for receiving the sacrament. Although I don’t include the words here, it  was of equal beauty to the one before Communion. While the concluding rite seemed to be the same, the curve ball came when the last Gospel was read, after the sign of the cross. The passage is the beginning of John’s Gospel. How appropriate now that we had received Communion to be reminded before we left that the Word became flesh and dwelt among us. It was truly a blessing to receive the same Jesus and participate in a Sunday worship just a bit different from what is familiar to me.

Catholic Girl Journey

Learning to Love God

When I first heard the Jars of Clay song, Love Song for a Savior, I was confused. The refrain contains the line, “I want to fall in love with You.” My confusion came from listening to that song with a secular ear. How can a person fall in love with God? There is no courtship, no dating, no hanging out with God the Father, Jesus or the Holy Spirit. I liked the song and it’s an easy, catchy tune that I found myself singing.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church states in the very first paragraph, “He [God] calls man to seek him, to know him, to love him with all of his strength.” We are called to love God, and I thought I did love Him until I heard that song. I realized that to me, God was like another member of the family; I had to love Him, because that’s what I was supposed to do. I didn’t necessarily choose to do so, but just expected that of myself. Hearing the lyrics of the song made me start to wonder how a person could fall in love with God.

During my searching for an answer, I came across the definition of love described by Fr. (now bishop-elect) Robert Barron: “Love is willing the good of the other.” If God is all-good and all-loving how can I will the good of Him? Precisely because He is all-good and all-loving, God only wants the best for us. He knows that left to our own devices, we would fall into chaos. He gave us His commandments, not because He wants to be mean and limiting, but for our benefit. For example, “Remember to keep holy the Sabbath day.” (Exodus 20:8), is not meant for God’s benefit, but that we as humans interacting in the physical world, take the time to seek a spiritual relationship with God, whom we know in a spiritual world. Even Jesus says, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” (John 14:15).

So how can we fall in love with God by keeping His commandments? In some respects, it’s not thinking of command as being an order or demand, but rather something that is a choice happily made. As an example I’ll go back to the third commandment. Rather than considering it a burden, or trying to “schedule” Mass so that it’s convenient for us on Sunday, how about planning nothing but going to Mass as the first thing in the day? Let the Spirit move you through the rest of the day. It may be a great exercise even if it’s not realistic in the long run. Try it, for a few weeks.  Perhaps it will be the jumpstart needed to learn to love the commandments. This sort of openness to the Spirit calls for a change of attitude, a change that we have to be willing to make. But even though it is our free will to make the change, we can always ask God to help and support us in our efforts. And someday we may find ourselves saying, “I want to fall in love with You.”

Catholic Girl Journey

The Essence of Mary

In a trip down to Washington, DC, I attended Mass at the Cathedral of St. Matthew the Apostle. The cathedral design is on par with many of those in Europe in its grandness and decor. As the seat of the Archbishop of Washington, it may be familiar to some because Saint Pope John Paul II celebrated Mass there in 1979. Others may know it as the location of President John F. Kennedy’s funeral Mass in 1963. For me, what makes it special is the discovery of the unique statue of Mary that I don’t think I will ever forget.

I have seen many statues of Mary in numerous chapels, churches, cathedrals and basilicas during my travels. Most portray her as serene and prayerful. Others show her maternity by including Jesus in her arms or lap.  Each are beautiful in their own way, although some stir my soul more than others if I think they capture Mary’s essence of prayer and motherhood. However, in the Cathedral of St. Matthew, sculptor Gordon S. Kray portrays Mary “reaching down to fallen humanity and pointing to her ascended Son.” It is so beautifully touching, I could not help the tears that streamed down my face.

Mary at the Cathedral of St. Matthew the Apostle, Washington DC

Mary at the Cathedral of St. Matthew the Apostle, Washington DC

As I knelt before the statue, I felt the urge to reach my hand out to hers. I wanted to say, “take me with you to heaven.” This pure statue of white needs no paint to illustrate Mary alive and still helping man at a personal level. While she may be calling all to her Son, her gaze from the statue is on YOU. It’s like she is saying, “Come, child, take my hand and I will help you. Let us go together to my Son, Jesus.” To me, this is the essence of Mary in her role in the Church today.

Preparing for the Journey

Do you use a checklist when you pack your overnight bag? Making sure you have the essentials like toothpaste, toothbrush, contact lens solution, and daily medications is the easy part. Do you check the forecast for the weather of the destination to see if it will be hot/cold/wet during your stay so you know what kind of clothing to take? I remember being in Italy in April at a location more suited for summer getaways. There was so much marble in the place, it was rather chilly.  It didn’t help that the heat is shut off in Italy in March, no matter what weather is expected. Toward the end of the trip, my clothing choices were limited!

Now, what if you didn’t know where you were going? How would you prepare for the journey? Bring a little of this and a little of that? How would you know when you arrived? What if it is a place that no one has been there and back from? I have admiration for the early explorers like Columbus, who took to the sea in search of a better way to the Indies not knowing what they would find. They were tested daily and  probably had days of doubt. Even the first astronauts making their trip to the moon had at least some idea of journey, but not all the trials and successes along the way.

If faith is a journey, is it possible to “prepare” for the journey? Actually, I think the journey IS the preparation. The faith journey prepares us to spend eternity with God. Since God is Love, we need to spend the time practicing how to love everyone, as we are called to do as Catholics. The journey also gives us practice forgiving those we perceive wrong us, and helping others without begrudging the personal cost or expecting repayment. It is practicing true selflessness. I’m specifically calling it practice, as we all have times of success and times when we fall short. Each day gives us countless opportunities to practice and to prepare for our destination: Heaven.

Catholic Girl Journey

Seek Him First

Priorities. We all have a way of putting things in a particular order, from the way we get up in the morning, to the way we schedule our days, to the way we determine the activities we can and will do. We can say we make God a priority, and sometimes we do, by going to Mass at an extra early hour or by finding a Church when on vacation. But what about seeking God first?

In Matthew 6:25-34, Jesus gives us the directive not to be anxious, ending in the familiar “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all of these things shall be yours as well.”  These things refer to food and clothing in the passage, but perhaps there are other necessities that fill up our to do lists.  I’ve been thinking about what it really means to seek God first, since I do think I make Him a priority. And over many months of small observations (this is definitely a journey), it has occurred to me that it’s in the way we approach choices at a very basic level. I listened to my parents ask my niece who was a senior in high school, “what do you want to do after college?” I felt like asking her “what does God want you to do after college?”

In my own life I’ve been wondering about my job and whether or not I should be looking for a new position. Given the length of service with the company, it makes it easy to be lazy and stay. Looking for something new means I need to know what I want and that presents a question. What am I looking for? Even in my prayers I found myself asking God what I should do. I knew I needed His help to make a good decision. But I began to realize I was only looking from my perspective, it was all about what I wanted, what I’m interested in, me-me-me. So I had to ask the question differently: what does God want me to do? I have also observed from learning about the lives of various saints, that you don’t ask that question lightly, you need to be truly open to the response. It really takes your relationship with God to a different level, making Him more than just number one in a list of priorities.

To many this may seem like a no-brainer, but to others this is totally overwhelming. The journey of faith is as unique as each individual. While God has given us all special talents and abilities, offering them back to Him to use as He pleases is one way of seeking the kingdom of God first.