Talking too much

My parish recently started the program Consoling the Heart of Jesus by Fr. Gaitley. In reading the first assignment, I felt rather chagrined as it described people coming to visit Jesus in prayer, giving Him their requests, and leaving. How many hours have I spent before the Blessed Sacrament with my own soliloquy?

Being human, the best way to connect with others is to see them face-to-face and hear their direct responses to what I say. I can’t do that with God, but seeing the consecrated Host in the monstrance is the next best thing. As everything I have comes from God, I do try to thank Him for the gifts and blessings He has bestowed. I try to be conversational when I talk to Him, describing my hopes, fears and challenges. But I have noticed that I don’t always give Him a chance to respond.

There are times when I wish I could hear God telling me clearly His response, even though it might be rather terrifying to hear a voice talking to me. But when I just keep jabbering about my thoughts and feelings, I’m not usually paying attention to see if God is responding in some way. Do I assume that God will “fix” things once I put my “order” in with Him? I may tell Him that I want His will to be done, but do I want it to happen His way or mine?

On the occasions when I notice that I’m doing all the talking, I try to stop myself and just be in Jesus’ presence. It usually doesn’t take very long before a stray idea comes to mind and I start talking again. Being more aware of what I’m saying when I am in prayer before the Blessed Sacrament is the first step in opening up to Jesus. It will take a lot of practice to get better, but I have an hour every week to try. I hope that if I can improve my face-to-Host openness to God, I will be able to hear Him clearly in my daily life also.

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