Wrestling with wills

It’s not about me, it’s all about Him.  Lately I find  myself saying this repeatedly throughout the day. Every time I think, “I don’t want to do <insert chore>” or “I don’t feel like going there,” I notice I want my will to be done. I’m basing changes to my day on my wants and feelings. How selfish!

Bishop Robert Barron has often remarked that our lives are not about us. If we keep chasing our wants and catering to our feelings we will be in an endless circle without ever being satisfied. But if we center ourselves in Christ and God’s will for us, no matter what life throws at us, we will have the grace to deal with it.

It sounds so simple. The practice of it, however, is anything but easy – at least for me. I do believe that God’s will is best for me, even when I can’t understand His vision. Intellectually, I want to do His will. I even pray for help to do His will. But if I think about things deeply, I realize that I want God’s will to be what I want, when I want it. It’s in these moments when I see I’m trying to control things that I remind myself it’s not about me, it’s about Him.

What has surprised me the most about this effort to put God first is that it’s having a positive effect in my relationships with others. I find that when I’m conversing with  a friend , if I want to interject to describe how I handled a similar situation, I discover my brain saying to me, “it’s not about you, it’s about him (her).” Then I actually listen to what the person is saying, rather than wishing they would hurry up and finish so that I can talk about my experience.

I’m definitely still a work in progress in this effort. Seeing these small changes in me and my behavior does encourage me to keep trying. I hope and pray that I will one day be able find myself doing His will without thinking of my own at all.

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