Clutter soul

It doesn’t matter how big, Jesus just needs an opening.

It’s been a challenging and overwhelming time at work. After a particular difficult Friday, I was disappointed that I had to schedule a meeting first thing on Monday to address some issues. It’s easy to say, “Leave it in God’s hands,” or, “Don’t think about it.” And I know worrying about it won’t make it any better; all it does is make me feel even more stressed. Yet even with that logic, I couldn’t let it go. I just kept turning it over in my mind, again and again all weekend long. I, who pray the Surrender Novena regularly, was having a hard time accepting this suffering.

Ever since I started the new job, there has been negativity towards the new application being implemented. Each time we reach a milestone, I think we finally have turned a corner and things will get better, only then to feel like the headwinds have increased to the next range on the hurricane scale. I was feeling very useless. My prayers were focused on being able to communicate better, to keep from seeing the naysayers as my enemies, and to help me forgive them of the hurt I was feeling from all the stress.

Upon awakening on Monday, dread filled my stomach; I was not looking forward to my first meeting. As I was asking for help, trying to turn it over to God, I felt like my soul was cluttered. I spent so much time worrying and rehearsing what I was going to say and the points I needed to make that there didn’t seem to be much room for anything else. Yet all Jesus needed was for me to recognize how much I needed Him and needed to open up to Him. If He could give sight to the blind, heal the lame, and bring the dead back to life, I believe He can take my cluttered soul and tidy it up. 

While the meeting was actually more pleasant than I anticipated, definitely far from perfect, but not the disaster I was expecting. The day still had a few rough spots in it.  Perhaps it will take a few more decades of me praying the Surrender Novena before I can confidently leave everything in the Lord’s capable hands. Maybe I should expect miracles to happen more often. What I do know is that God put me in this situation for a reason, not for punishment, but because I have gifts that can be of great benefit. I may not know while I’m in this position the specifics of God’s will, I know that as long as I lean on Him and ask for His grace and blessings, He will see me through, especially in the most trying of moments. 

Yes, my soul can get cluttered with me holding onto grievances and anxiety, yet God is always there to help me. It doesn’t mean He’ll make it all sunshine and roses, but it will be a bit brighter and convey His special peace.

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