When you hear the word “disciple” what is the first thing that comes to your mind? For me it was the men and women who followed Jesus while He was on this earth. They listened and learned from Him and perhaps even traveled with Him. In reality, all Christians are disciples of Jesus, no matter the time period.

I attended an RCIA conference recently and the presenters mentioned several times about living out our discipleship. Since my definition was stuck in the past when Jesus lived in Israel, the comments seemed to claim more attention than some of the other material. I think of myself as a Catholic Christian, but I don’t think I would describe myself as a disciple of Jesus, simply because I’ve never met Him in His human form. I firmly believe that Jesus is truly present in the Precious Body and Precious Blood after the consecration, and that His Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity are fully in each. Since I rest my faith in this mystery, considering myself a disciple who walks with Jesus should be easy. I seek Him out every time I go to Mass, whether it’s just a regular Sunday, or I’m on vacation and can find a Church that has a weekday Mass. Yet describing myself as a disciple still has an odd ring to it.

The Gospels are full of Jesus’ words and teachings. I hear them on Sundays, and the daily morning and evening prayers I pray using the Magnificat companion. It contains various readings from both Old and New Testaments, and may include Gospel passages. I am listening and learning from Jesus, so here again the description of disciple should fit me. I could try and argue that the original disciples could ask clarifying questions to Jesus and get a response, but isn’t that what contemplative prayer is all about? We’re not just supposed to babbel a bunch of words using the Our Father, Hail Mary, and Glory Be, and then go through our day as if our relationship with Jesus is limited to specific prayer times. I’ve prayed for answers and received them in a number of unique ways; is that any different from the original disciples who asked a question and received a parable in reply? 

I think the scary thing about considering myself as a disciple is that I can’t just believe in Jesus and then go do my own thing. Like the original disciples, my life must change from being focused on myself and how I fit into the culture of this age, to one of being a reflecting light of Christ, and bringing it to the dark areas where God leads me. It can be speaking up when someone uses Jesus’ name as a curse word, presenting a topic to those studying to enter into the Catholic Church, or it could be opening myself to write a blog post with a message He wants to convey. I know God has full control over my life, and yet, even just admitting to myself that I am Jesus’ disciple still seems to have repercussions that are unknown and therefore are a bit frightening. 

I do trust God with everything I am and have and He has always generously provided me with what I’ve needed. I trust in His mercy and His love for me. How can I say that I am anything else but Jesus’ disciple? Who will say it with me? I am a disciple of Jesus and I accept His calling, whatever He may ask of me.