It seems no matter how strong our faith is, fear is always present, waiting in the wings of our stage of life. Fear can be a good thing, as it makes us cautious and causes us to think before taking action. It can also be crippling and prevent the will of God in us. 

In reviewing the Mass readings for this past Sunday, I only got as far as the first line of the first reading in the Acts of the Apostles. I had to stop and read it several times over, almost marveling at what it conveyed. The books of the Bible convey the most important details of what is needed to deliver its message, but sometimes the smallest detail can slip by us and we miss the wisdom it brings. The reading is just after Saul is converted and, after spending time in Damascus, has returned to Jerusalem.  “…He tried to join the disciples, but they were all afraid of him, not believing he was a disciple.” (Acts 9:26) From a logic perspective, that makes sense; Saul left Jerusalem with approval letters that would allow him to round up those following The Way, as it was first called, and to bring them back to the city in chains for judgment. He may have returned without prisoners, but did that really mean he converted? 

It is only after one of the disciples, Barnabas, takes the responsibility of bringing him to the community that Saul is able to tell of his conversion experience and he is then welcomed and allowed to support the evangelistic efforts. Barnabas was not one of the original twelve, but rather is identified earlier in Acts as selling a piece of land and laying the profits at the feet of the Apostles. Did the Holy Spirit only prompt Barnabas to take on the role of sponsor to Saul? Or was it fear in the Apostles that hampered the Spirit’s promptings? Earlier parts of Acts record the bravery of Peter speaking out and rejoicing when they are censured by the Sanhedrin. If they are happy to experience physical punishment for speaking about Jesus in the Temple, why were they so afraid of Saul? With all the miracles they witnessed Jesus perform, why did they find it hard to believe that Jesus could convert Saul? 

Further in the book of Acts, Saul becomes Paul and the main evangelizer of the Gentile, or non-Jewish, communities. I feel like I need to ask the question, what if Saul was not accepted into the community of the disciples? Would we have all the letters he wrote that makes up a portion of the New Testament? Would he have been able to preach to the Gentiles? Paul’s conversion and writings are key, even now within the evangelization efforts of the Church. I can’t picture how different the Church would be without his impact. What would have happened if fear also prevented Barnabas from taking action? 

Between what is written in the book of Acts as well as his letters, Paul did not have an easy time in his preaching. He was shipwrecked, stoned and left for dead, and had a number of other escapes to save his life. Was Paul fearful about his life on these occasions? Yet in his second letter to Timothy, Paul seems to know his end is near and calmly says he is “being poured out like a libation, and the time of my departure is at hand.” (2 Tim. 4:6) Perhaps it is because of his difficult experiences that he is able to not to be afraid of death, but welcome it when it becomes imminent. 

Fear will be something that we will need to confront many times throughout our earthly life. Let us pray for open hearts to the Spirit’s promptings during these times, or for us to have a person like Barnabas to take charge and help us through our fear so that God’s will can be accomplished.