relationship with God

Protesting healing

I don’t think any of us want to admit it, but we’ve probably all protested the healing God wants for us. It never ceases to amaze me how much I learn about God through my interaction with Vera, my cat. 

Recently towards the end of my work day, Vera came up and did her normal flop on the desk, stretching out with her back legs towards me. That’s when I noticed her one back paw was practically encased with litter. I was surprised she didn’t clean it off, but she was quietly laying there without a care in the world. I thought I’d help her out and tried using a napkin I had on my desk, but the litter was really caked on; she must have stepped in the freshly wet litter to be that stuck. Once I started cleaning, she was very unhappy with me. I managed to hold her while getting a wet paper towel, but she was protesting with every fiber of her being. As her front paws were over my shoulder, she was literally pulling up my shirt trying to get a firm hold to run away as quickly as possible. 

I knew I needed to be inventive if I wanted to finish what I started. I keep a lap blanket by my desk that was rolled up since it’s still summer weather. I had heard of the “Purrito” approach, that is wrapping up a cat like a burrito to be able to handle them without injury to oneself. I figured it was worth trying. It took two tries to be somewhat successful, but it gave me enough leverage to clean out her paw, especially between the pads as the litter was stuck deep in the fur there. Vera did continue to protest, but not as much vocally and her wiggliness was greatly reduced. Once I felt I got the major pieces out, I let her free. I expected her to ignore me for the rest of the night, but the opposite was true, she stayed very close to me, even purring at times. I think it was her way of acknowledging she appreciated the “grooming” I gave her.

So how does this experience relate to God? Even though a paw cleaned of litter was something Vera appreciated, she didn’t like the process of me wiping with a wet cloth. How many times do we pray to God and are disappointed because we don’t see it happening the way we expect it? We expect God to heal a person. We expect God to make a family trip to be completed without issues and disagreements. But what if the healing comes because of another diagnosis? What if a family can become closer after each person shares their perspective and the impact other family members have on them? God’s ways are definitely not our ways, and sometimes they can be a wild ride!

In pondering this experience, I have no idea what prompted me to wrap Vera up in the blanket, except perhaps my guardian angel giving me guidance. In a strange thought process of how this correlates to God, the blanket wrap is kind of like the Church. When we are enfolded in the embrace of the Catholic Church, doing our best to participate fully in the daily life and sacraments, we are given comfort in our time of trial. Yes, we still may protest, but our “wiggliness” is reduced. Some may only see the commandments and rules to be as restrictive as the burrito wrap, yet it is a far more effective tool of salvation as well as less traumatic than living a purely secular life. 

So the next time you pray for help and healing, be sure to retract your claws of pride, control, and ego, to let God clean out the dirtiness and restore to purity what has been compromised. 

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Prayer warrior

Last Friday one of the churches I frequent had a special adoration taking place at the same time as Rachel’s Vineyard event, which is a special retreat for those seeking healing post-abortion. It’s a humbling experience to pray for others that you don’t know and may never meet, at least on earth.

I love spending time in front of the blessed sacrament. Sometimes I’m mentally chattering away about every detail of my life and other times I may just be sitting in silence, just soaking in the presence of God the way I do when I sit on my cruise ship balcony and watch the waves of the water. However the timing of this particular adoration coincided with those at the retreat when they would be sharing their experiences. The pastor of that parish was participating in the retreat and felt the prayers of those in adoration at that time really seemed to benefit the retreatants in giving them strength to share as well as to help them begin to find healing and forgiveness. This example is just one of the multitude of ways we can be prayer warriors. 

The word warrior sounds rather … combative. Whom are we fighting with our prayers? We are certainly not fighting God; we would never win. Since prayer is talking to God, it’s yet another reason that we’re not fighting Him. The essence of prayer is a communication with God. Intercessory prayer is asking God for His grace and blessings on another, which sounds nothing like combat. What we pray for is strength and protection against the evil that is all around us, and even in ourselves; and that most definitely is a struggle. I’ve heard the rosary being compared to being a spiritual weapon, yet any prayer — including Mass — could be considered one. While we are on earth, we are considered the Church Militant, those who are actively participating in the transformation of a fallen world into one that is constantly seeking and doing the will of God. 

We are all called to be prayer warriors, not just during special times, but on every ordinary day. This could be praying for particular people we know or for those in a particular situation or circumstance, like those traveling or in hospitals or nursing homes. Perhaps whenever you hear a siren or see an emergency vehicle, you pray for those first responders as well as those in need of the assistance. Maybe it’s daily praying for those who have or will pass from this life during the course of the day. One of the corporal works of mercy is to visit those in prison, but if you are unable to do that, praying for them and their families is a good alternative. In an age where language is dividing us into specific groups using every possible type of label, maybe praying for unity and those who seek to continue dividing us is a good tactic for a warrior. There are so many possibilities, it can be overwhelming! You don’t have to pick just one nor do you need to do all. If you’re not sure, let the Holy Spirit lead you. 

I think of intercessory prayer as an invisible thread connecting us across space and time. Sometimes we may see the fruit of our prayers, but largely we may need to wait until we reach heaven to truly begin to understand just how important it is. Let’s not wait until we get there and miss out on the opportunities we have, even at this moment, to pray for another. 

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Songs for the journey

My car radio is tuned to one of two Christian music stations: a local one in Virginia named The Journey, or the national one named KLove. It seems that no matter where I am in my spiritual journey, there is one song that really ends up matching how I’m feeling. 

A few months ago the song Build a Boat by Colton Dixon always seemed to come on whenever I was driving around. Since I work from home, there can be days where my car just stays stationary. I think that the more popular the song, the higher the probability that it will be played when I am driving. What captivated me about this song is the confidence in God that it encourages. Although in retrospect, it’s more of a preparation song. The basis of the song is building a boat in a desert with the expectation that the flood is coming and that God will see me through it. 

I will build a boat in the sand where they say it never rains
I will stand up in faith, I’ll do anything it takes
With Your wind in my sails, Your love never fails or fades
I’ll build a boat in the desert place

Chorus from Build a Boat

The chorus is quite catchy and when I sing along with it, I feel like I can do anything! It’s a wonderfully uplifting song. Yet there were times when I was singing along that I thought to myself, “what happens when the rains and the flood do come? Will I be able to handle it like this song says?”

Recently life has been rather bumpy, especially from a work perspective. The song I’m hearing as I drive around now is perfectly what I need. I’ve actually started singing it in the shower! It’s a collaborative song by two artists, Benjamin William Hastings and Blessing Offor, and is named That’s The Thing About Praise.

Sometimes the only way through it is a hallelujah
Sometimes the only thing to do is just to give it to You
And though my troubles shake me
I know they will never move You
That’s why I say hallelujah

Chorus from That’s the Thing About Praise

I think of this song as the “Hallelujah” song, but I know there is an older song with that title. The verses do talk about the general difficulties in life and that sometimes the waters are not parted or the mountain is not moved. It’s these times of struggle when we need to resist the urge to feel pity for our situation and thank God for where we are and what we have. Is it hard to do? Yes. However, when we turn our focus inward on ourselves, we are no longer leaning on God to help us through, we’re looking at what we can do and look to solve our difficulties from a human perspective. Yet when we turn to God and give Him praise for even the smallest of blessings (our next breath or heartbeat), the source of our strength shifts from ourselves to God. 

These particular two songs help us to remember who needs to be our focus: God. Christian radio is filled with songs like these that can speak to whatever you’re feeling in life, bringing God into all aspects of daily life. Your Hallelujah praise song may be playing now. 

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Who is Jesus?

Who is Jesus to you? That question is one we will all be held accountable to answer. However, our answer is not just an intellectual one, but one that also needs to be reflected in who we are and how we live our lives. 

In last Sunday’s Gospel reading from Matthew (16:13-20), Jesus asks the disciples who they thought He was. Only Peter’s response is recorded, but it must have been rather startling for the other Apostles. “Simon Peter said in reply, ‘You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.’” (Matt 16:16) In these ten short words, Peter summarizes the most important aspects of Jesus: His anointing and His Sonship. Only three types of men were anointed in ancient times: priests, prophets, and kings. Jesus is all of these. He is THE Anointed, the one everyone is waiting for (and whom they expect earthly deliverance from Roman occupation). The second part of Peter’s statement is the one that truly no human could have ever known without Divine revelation.

Jesus had been traveling with these men for the better part of three years. After this exchange, Jesus prepared the Apostles for His Passion, Death, and Resurrection. The only way these men could be able to get through this time is by understanding who Jesus is. Most of them will run away. And Peter, who so confidently provides the correct answer, ends up denying that he knows anything about Jesus. This question Jesus asks is to gauge the depth of their faith. 

Jesus acknowledges Peter’s answer as Divinely inspired. However, the only way Peter could have received this is by his close association with Jesus. He had spent years traveling with Jesus, hearing His word, and learning from it. In the beginning of the tenth chapter of Matthew’s Gospel, Peter is part of the group that is sent out by Jesus to preach and to heal. It’s almost a bit like an apprenticeship, where after observing Jesus, the Apostles are sent to neighboring towns to carry out what they saw Jesus do and what they heard Him say. It’s a bit of practice while the teacher is still around and before they spend the rest of their lives doing exactly this. 

How do we answer the question of who Jesus is? Do we demonstrate by word and deed who Jesus is? Do we order our lives around having a relationship with Him by daily prayers? Do we dive deeply by reading and meditating scripture? Do we pattern our actions after Jesus by being the loving servant to others?

In today’s landscape, many look at Jesus as a nice guy and boil down His teachings to be more of an intellectual theory than a call for action. The culture in Jesus’ day was very different from our own and Jesus’ actions were very radical, like talking to women, or correcting the Pharisees. The spread of Christianity changed society. While it didn’t happen overnight, the influence the Church had over the centuries reflects the person of Jesus. 

Each member within the Church needs to acknowledge Jesus the same way Peter did: by professing Jesus as Priest, Prophet, and King as well as His Divinity  in both word and deed. We pray for guidance to do God’s will in order for the Church to better reflect Jesus. 

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Scraps from the table

“Send her away…” is the request made by the disciples in this past Sunday’s Gospel reading. (Mt. 15:23) Yet Jesus did not come to scatter, but to gather all people together.

The Canaanite woman, a person who was not welcome in Jewish company, had boldly cried out to Jesus. Given the attitude the Jews had for many of the surrounding nationalities, in some ways, the disciples’ request sounds reasonable. When I heard that sentence during the proclamation of the Gospel, it reminded me of the feeding of the five thousand. This account is in a previous chapter of  Matthew’s Gospel (14:15), when the disciples ask Jesus to dismiss the crowds so the people can purchase food. In both instances, Jesus does the opposite of what is requested. 

To the modern ear, the exchange between the Canaanite woman and Jesus is very uncomfortable. We hear Jesus comparing this woman and her daughter to the same as being a dog! Can that be right?! Jesus wouldn’t be that cruel, would He? Our natural instinct is to assume it must be a translation error. But the woman is never named, we don’t really know anything about her except her nationality, her daughter’s condition, and the love she has for her daughter has made her very brave. She asks for nothing for herself; she does not ask to be forgiven nor does she admit to any fault. Instead she praises Jesus by addressing Him as the “Son of David” and as “Lord.”

Unlike with the feeding of the crowd where Jesus gives directions to the disciples to orderly control the volume of people by having them sit down, Jesus responds to the disciples request regarding the Canaanite woman by indicating to whom His ministry was focused on: the Jewish people. I can almost imagine the men looking at each other with puzzled expressions. Of course Jesus came for the Jews of Israelite descent, He was the long awaited Messiah and the whole Jewish nation was looking for Him to come. Yet His humble origin proved to be a stumbling block for many, but this woman, most likely having heard the miraculous actions Jesus performed, knew exactly who Jesus was. She also knew that He alone could help her daughter. 

Despite what seems like harsh words, Jesus never sends the woman away. He never tells her she is not welcome, that she shouldn’t address Him, nor does He ignore her completely. He does respond to her as she humbles herself before Him, seeking His pity and mercy. Her daughter was probably her whole world, yet she knows it would cost Jesus nothing to heal her. She uses the analogy that Jesus initiates and compares the healing of her daughter to a scrap of food fallen to the floor for the dogs to eat; it’s insignificant. And here we are over 2,000 years later marveling over this exchange and trying to figure out the spiritual meaning. 

This foreigner sought to be fed a tiny morsel from the table of life. How many times have we eaten from that table? How many times have we received the Precious Body and Blood of Christ? How many blessings have we’ve been given in our life? Do we see these as scraps from the table, thankful to be fed on meager sustenance? Or do we presume that we have a seat at the table right next to Jesus and get frustrated when He doesn’t do as we command? 

God will never send us away. He also won’t do everything we ask of Him because He loves us and will only do what will help us to have a meaningful relationship with Him in order to go to heaven when this life is over. Yet when we humble ourselves before Him, seeking His mercy and demonstrating our faith in Him, God will provide what we need, and sometimes it just might be a miracle.  

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Crazy faith

Does faith make a person do “crazy” things? Depending on your perspective, one may answer YES to that question!

For those who think living a life of Christian faith means following a bunch of rules, doing the same as everyone else in their church, and not having any fun or excitement, I would suggest they read through the Gospels again. This past Sunday’s Gospel from Matthew (14:22-33) is one of my favorites: Peter walking on water. So, let’s unpack how incredible and almost unbelievable this narrative is.

Matthew sets the stage for the encounter, indicating it is very late into the night (the fourth watch), and the disciples are facing rather stormy conditions with the wind thwarting their efforts. The men are tired from battling the storm, compounded with the fact they had not been able to sleep. They cry out to a   figure they see as a ghost. (What other explanation could there be?) But it was Jesus! And He immediately reassures them it is actually Him in the flesh and they are not hallucinating. However, there was the fact that He’s walking on water! That is crazy! Peter boldly meets crazy with crazy, challenging Jesus to allow him, Peter, to walk on the water to meet Him. Then Jesus antes up the crazy by agreeing to Peter’s proposal with the simple word of, “Come.” 

The only times I’ve ever walked on water it has been in a frozen state: once on the Arctic ocean and once on a glacier. However, if, when I’m traveling by cruise ship, I see Jesus walking on the water toward me and if He then invites me to walk on the water towards Him, I’m not sure I could; most especially if the waves were bad. While I have no doubt that Jesus can walk on water, my brain cannot process Peter stepping out of a perfectly good boat and starting to walk on the water as well. I keep tripping over questions that begin with “how” and “why.” Even though I struggle to comprehend that Peter could actually get out of the boat and walk on the water, I have great respect for him in doing so. This may seem like “crazy” faith, but it’s the faith we are called to have and to share. In the face of insurmountable obstacles, God can make a way. 

When I hear this story, I can understand Jesus’ chastisement  of Peter when he starts to doubt and begins sinking. Peter had believed enough to get out of the boat, to take the action, but his faith wasn’t quite deep enough to see him through. For me, my problem would be getting out of the boat. But, I think if I was able to get out of the boat I would run to Jesus and give Him a hug of both joy and gratitude: joy for being able to do such a crazy thing and being thankful that I was able to make it all the way to Him. 

Even for believers, sometimes these types of narratives take on a more mythological aura. We hear it in the context of a time 2,000 years ago and try to make literal correlations, like my cruise ship analogy. However, if I look at my life, I have been called to “walk on water” that had nothing to do with water, but with writing. Nine years ago, I felt a calling to write a faith blog. I had every excuse as to why I shouldn’t: there’s plenty of other people doing it, I don’t have the knowledge to do that, it’s a lot of extra work, etc. Yet each excuse was knocked down, many times as I was praying in front of the Holy Sacrament. It took almost a year for me to get going, but in February 2015 I posted my first weekly faith blog. Go ahead, call me crazy. Sometimes I think I must be! There are times when I have no idea what I’m going to write. Other times I know exactly what I want to write but what comes out is not what I thought it would be. God always makes a way… His way.

Living a Christian life of faith may not always be an adrenaline rush, but it certainly has its moments that leave one in wonder and amazement. Perhaps even in reflection, seeming a bit crazy?

“For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength.”

1 Corinthians: 25
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To fear or not to fear

To fear or not to fear, that is the question. But what is fear? Is it simply a reaction that we have no control over? And if we are told not to fear, how can we adjust, if it is merely an instinctual response?

This past Sunday’s Gospel narrates the Transfiguration of Jesus in the presence of Peter, James, and John. Jesus’ appearance becomes dazzlingly brillant, He is speaking with two prophets who were from previous generations, and if that was not enough, the three disciples hear the voice of God the Father from a cloud. That’s a whole lot of stimulation packed into a short amount of time! Their senses must have been on overload! I would hazard a guess that if they were transported to this time to see how much civilization has changed, it would still pale in comparison and wonder to the Transfiguration. Their reaction was to be as humble as possible, down on the ground, most likely with their eyes closed. But Jesus taps them on the shoulder and says, “…do not be afraid.” (Mt 17:1-9)

Throughout the Bible, from Genesis to Revelation, there are countless instances of the phrase, “Do not be afraid.” Yet, according to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit is Fear of the Lord. (CCC 1831) So if fear is a gift, why are so many instructed not to be fearful? Is there a difference between fear of the Lord and being afraid? 

Fear is the human response to danger or threat and perhaps part of fear is that something could surprise us or catch us off-guard. Another aspect of fear could be that something is outside of our control. Is it any wonder then, that an interaction with the Divine — the only one who can completely remove our existence, even to our soul — would be cause for fear? You can’t run from God, He’s everywhere. It is by His love, care, and concern that we are alive today and have immortal souls that will be with Him after our earthly life is completed. Yet we are more of a danger to ourselves than God is to us! Our choices and resulting actions can lead us away from a relationship with God, which is truly the most lonely place to be.

The gift of Fear of the Lord by the Lord Himself, through the third person in the Trinity, is not meant to invoke the sense of danger or harm. Rather, it’s more about the ability to have a humble response, as the Apostles did, when we experience God in our life. For example, when we see a newborn baby wiggling ten tiny fingers and toes, it’s hard not to be overwhelmed by seeing the miracle of new life; a life that is in the image and likeness of God. Depending on the relationship with the child, one may have a sense of joy, wonder, responsibility, worry, and perhaps it’s a combination of all those. With the Holy Spirit’s gift, we can transform the variety of feelings into a thankful prayer of praise offered to God. 

Fear of the Lord is not to cower and bemoan our inability to control what happens to us, but rather the ability to put everything we have into the hands of God, trusting in His ways and His timings. It is not a feeling or instinct, but a chosen reaction to be humble and thankful to God, most especially when we see the results of His handiwork in the world and in our lives. 

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The humble ask

How comfortable are you in asking to borrow something from another? That was a question being discussed by the KLOVE radio DJs on Saturday morning as I drove around doing my errands.

I was fascinated to hear the various accounts, from both other listeners who called in as well as the DJs themselves. They recounted times or situations where they struggled, even arguing with their spouse about asking a neighbor if they could borrow their lawnmower. They had so many responses about how difficult it is to ask to borrow something, that they asked if anyone didn’t have difficulty, to call in. As a Christian radio station who can only stay on the air thanks to the generosity of the listeners, I’m sure most of the folks are happy to help others out in whatever way they can. It’s rather ironic that when they are in need, asking for help is harder than giving it when they have plenty.

I’m sure throughout my life I have borrowed something from someone a time or two: a pen, a book, a tool, etc., but I can’t really recall any specific circumstances.  For me, I think it would probably depend on what I was borrowing and from whom. Borrowing something from a family member is a lot easier than from a neighbor with whom you generally exchange pleasantries. However, when we ask to borrow something, there is a chance that the person could refuse us. It’s a risk we take, in asking, but it’s also a risk to those we ask. The more significant the item we’re borrowing the more risk the lender assumes when they lend the item to us. A pen is not nearly as great an issue to replace as something like a lawn mower. 

In order to borrow, we must first ask permission. I think it’s the asking that makes so many uncomfortable. To ask another to borrow something, one must ask in a humble manner. We are admitting to a need we have. We are admitting that, however small the need, we are not totally self-sufficient. Even a minor item to borrow shows a level of vulnerability that we have. No wonder people have such a hard time asking to borrow from another; who wants to admit we are lacking?!

When we ask to borrow something from another and they agree, they give us what it is we are asking. While it may be easier to ask God for something in prayer petitions, God’s response is not quite the same as our family, friends, and neighbors are to borrowing something. Instead, God gives us what we need, when we need it. Too often we pray for a specific outcome, almost like placing an order for a drive-thru pickup. Like someone seeking to borrow something of value, our requests to God may be denied and we have to be prepared for that. When we humbly ask God for some blessing, we need to be open to the unique and generous response God gives to us. It may not be what we asked for, but it will be for our eternal good. God doesn’t say, “No, go away.” Rather, His response is, “No, but I love you,” as He pours out abundant blessings in other ways upon us. 

Perhaps we are given opportunities that require us to borrow so that we can practice being humble and vulnerable. Maybe instead of focusing on how uncomfortable it is for us to ask another, we should focus on how God’s love for us is shown by the generosity of the lender.  

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Respecting the house

The shoes were on the porch just next to the door and I smiled when I saw them. They belong to my nephew’s wife, from China, and reminded me of my Indian friend’s house, who had a large rack just inside the door to place your shoes. It’s an amazing sign of respect.

I’ve often had friends and acquaintances over who have asked about my “shoes in the house” policy. As much as I try to keep Vera from tracking litter all over the house, I find it easier to wear a pair of slip-on shoes to reduce the injury one’s foot feels when it steps on a piece of litter. They may be small, but seem like they have a million edges to them trying to find the most tender part of your foot. I leave it to my guests to decide, but greatly appreciate their inquiry. 

The removal of shoes upon entering a home, signals that a person respects the home and the people living inside it. This action communicates their proactiveness in reducing the dirt from the outside world from being tracked all over the floors inside the house. It’s more than just the house that benefits from this action. It reduces the necessity for the household to clean the floors saving the people living there time and energy. These visitors say with their actions, “I’m going to limit the impact this visit has on your workload.” What a positive way to start a visit!

But cleanliness is not the only reason to remove shoes. God commanded Moses to remove his sandals as he approached the burning bush to investigate it, citing it was holy ground. (Exodus 3:5) In society today, we are not asked to remove our shoes before we enter a church. However, we should act at all times in a respectful way while we are in the church, whether that is for the Holy Sacrifice of the Mas, or for cleaning, decorating, and maintaining the building. It is, after all, God’s house and He is dwelling there 365 days a year in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament. 

Respecting God’s house can take many forms. It can be bowing to the altar upon entering, genuflecting to the tabernacle when one passes in front of it, or speaking with hushed tones when others are present and seeking silent prayer with God. Respect does not mean having a dour expression for the entire duration you’re in the building. On the contrary, we are the closest to God we can be on this side of heaven, so even a little smile is something we can be sure to put on when entering the church. These small actions are a way for us to show our love and respect, not only for God, but for all the children He has called into His family who are there. They also serve as a reminder to us when we perform these, that God is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords and He reigns supreme. We cast our egos to the side and practice the virtue of humility. 

Perhaps the most respect we need to give is to the Holy Sacrament in both forms.  As we approach the sanctuary, literally the most holy area of the church building, are we preparing our hearts and souls for Jesus to enter? Or are we scanning the crowds for familiar faces and shifting between feet wondering why the line is taking so long? Do we humbly receive the Eucharist or snatch it out of the hands of the minister? 

Just like seeing that pair of shoes on the porch reminded me of the respect my nephew’s wife has for the family, we should take a moment to think about how we show our love and respect to God when we are in His house. We may be performing actions of respect out of habit, but how would they change if they were practiced with intention? 

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Called to discipleship

When you hear the word “disciple” what is the first thing that comes to your mind? For me it was the men and women who followed Jesus while He was on this earth. They listened and learned from Him and perhaps even traveled with Him. In reality, all Christians are disciples of Jesus, no matter the time period.

I attended an RCIA conference recently and the presenters mentioned several times about living out our discipleship. Since my definition was stuck in the past when Jesus lived in Israel, the comments seemed to claim more attention than some of the other material. I think of myself as a Catholic Christian, but I don’t think I would describe myself as a disciple of Jesus, simply because I’ve never met Him in His human form. I firmly believe that Jesus is truly present in the Precious Body and Precious Blood after the consecration, and that His Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity are fully in each. Since I rest my faith in this mystery, considering myself a disciple who walks with Jesus should be easy. I seek Him out every time I go to Mass, whether it’s just a regular Sunday, or I’m on vacation and can find a Church that has a weekday Mass. Yet describing myself as a disciple still has an odd ring to it.

The Gospels are full of Jesus’ words and teachings. I hear them on Sundays, and the daily morning and evening prayers I pray using the Magnificat companion. It contains various readings from both Old and New Testaments, and may include Gospel passages. I am listening and learning from Jesus, so here again the description of disciple should fit me. I could try and argue that the original disciples could ask clarifying questions to Jesus and get a response, but isn’t that what contemplative prayer is all about? We’re not just supposed to babbel a bunch of words using the Our Father, Hail Mary, and Glory Be, and then go through our day as if our relationship with Jesus is limited to specific prayer times. I’ve prayed for answers and received them in a number of unique ways; is that any different from the original disciples who asked a question and received a parable in reply? 

I think the scary thing about considering myself as a disciple is that I can’t just believe in Jesus and then go do my own thing. Like the original disciples, my life must change from being focused on myself and how I fit into the culture of this age, to one of being a reflecting light of Christ, and bringing it to the dark areas where God leads me. It can be speaking up when someone uses Jesus’ name as a curse word, presenting a topic to those studying to enter into the Catholic Church, or it could be opening myself to write a blog post with a message He wants to convey. I know God has full control over my life, and yet, even just admitting to myself that I am Jesus’ disciple still seems to have repercussions that are unknown and therefore are a bit frightening. 

I do trust God with everything I am and have and He has always generously provided me with what I’ve needed. I trust in His mercy and His love for me. How can I say that I am anything else but Jesus’ disciple? Who will say it with me? I am a disciple of Jesus and I accept His calling, whatever He may ask of me.