relationship with God

Catholic Girl Journey

Don’t stop, just wait

Why does it seem that God is so slow in acting? It seems like you pray for something, especially something that needs a timely resolution, and you wonder when He is going to do something. And when you get frustrated, then you start tinkering with the situation, thinking either you can fix it yourself or that God wants you to play a part in fixing it. Sometimes it is true that God wants your participation, but sometimes the way we interpret participation is different than God’s definition.

When we pray, we do have to wait. But what does it mean to wait? Let’s take an example from everyday life. What do you do when you put your dinner in the microwave to reheat? Do you just stand there and watch the timer countdown? Or do you get your beverage ready, your eating utensils, maybe put a napkin by your place on the table and then, if it’s not ready, you watch the timer as it counts down to zero. Did you just stop, stand there and wait for it? Nope, you continued along the way. Did you have to be still and wait for it? Maybe, depends on what little tasks came to mind. This is a very simple example, as you know what will happen once the microwave timer dings and you know what dish you’ll be eating. Prayer is different in that we pray for our intentions and let God have His way. It would be like putting in a chicken dinner in the microwave oven and it comes out as beef, you just never know how He will answer your prayer. But the waiting game is similar, in that you can continue to prepare, but need to keep that open mind that God may answer your prayer different than you imagine.

There are times when we feel the need to stop and wait to see what God will do. It reminds me of a story of a flood situation, where a person had great faith that God would see him through the flood, and waited at his house. Even as the evacuation orders came in, he stayed. Then the trucks to take people out, followed by the boats and then the helicopters for those that were stranded on their roofs. Even then he stayed, waiting for God to save him. When he perished in the flood and met God face to face, he asked Him why He didn’t save him, and God responded that He tried: by sending the evacuation orders, the trucks, the boats and the helicopters. Sometimes our waiting needs to be active; God may be leading us on a path that will answer our prayers. We may not see that we are on our way to the destination God has planned for us, but He does.

It can be a balancing act trying to figure out how active we need to be in our waiting for God. As our prayers continue to forge a relationship with God, let us ask for the wisdom to understand when to be still and when to act in our wait.

Catholic Girl Journey

Thinking of God

“Jesus said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with your whole heart, with your whole soul, and with all your mind.’” (Matt 23:37) I can understand the whole heart and soul, but the loving God with one’s mind? How do you start doing that?

Our minds are one of God’s amazing creations. We use them to make decisions, to recall information, experiences and feelings and to ponder our experiences to get more meaning out of them. So how can you love God amongst the various functions of the brain? Do we include God in our decision-making process, asking Him for direction rather than approval? Perhaps it’s when we review our memories and thank Him for the good times and helping us through the difficult moments. Maybe it’s when we actively seek Him in our thoughts and keep our minds open to His will.

Artificial intelligence was a topic at a conference I recently attended and I learned that there are so many amazing ways it’s being used. While some may fear robots taking over the world, in a way we are welcoming them into our homes now. With products like the Roomba vacuum and Amazon’s Alexa, technology that learns about us is not futuristic science fiction, but reality in the here-and-now. I wonder if the beliefs all the religions of the world and their scriptures were input to one of these machines, would they pick one religion as superior? I would like to think that it would be Catholicism. I wonder if after analyzing all the data points, would it wish to be human, so that it could believe and worship God? After all, Jesus became one of us to save us; no human ever became a microchip to fix a bug in a computer. Or would it reject it all, since God becoming man and dying on a cross to save us is very illogical? Perhaps it wouldn’t be able to understand a Triune God. Then again, we all struggle with these items of faith from time to time even if we do believe in them.

Knowing God is not a matter of intelligence. It’s about having a relationship with Him. It’s about seeing the blessings that He brings to our lives and thanking Him for them. It’s about seeking to do His will. It’s about keeping Him in mind at all times. In everything we say, think or do, we do it for Him. It’s how we love Him in our hearts, souls and minds.

Catholic Girl Journey

Believe and behave

It bothered me that I was bothered. But I think I was bothered because I could have done better. I know life is not a test, or a series of tests, rather it is a constant opportunity to practice. Still, I know I could have done better and it bothered me.

After spending most of the week attending a business conference, I took advantage of being out west to take a trip to the Grand Canyon. It never ceases to amaze me how inconsiderate people can be. They are so wrapped up in themselves that they don’t realize when and how much their actions affect others. There were a number of little things that really annoyed me on the 2-1/2 hour bus ride out to the western rim of the Grand Canyon. Here I was, blessed with the ability (means, time and opportunity) to experience one of God’s amazing creations, and I was silently fuming at my fellow passengers. While one woman did offhandedly thank me for letting her have her way, I was less than gracious; and that really started to bother me. “I shouldn’t feel this way,“ I kept telling myself, “it’s not all about me.” But the little devil on my shoulder nagged me that  it was unfair for me not to have my way too.

That evening as I made my way browsing around some shops, I saw a magnet that really made me feel like I got smacked in the face. Among the tasteless quotes that were displayed was one that read, “Your beliefs do not make you a better person, your behavior does.” Ouch! It was like a beacon reminding me that I could have done better in practicing my faith. When we recite the Penitential Act at Mass, we confess to God the thoughts and the actions not taken that are less than the Catholic ideal. While I may not have been outright mean in my words or actions, the thoughts and brusqueness of my attitude should have been tempered by more compassion towards my fellow travelers. I felt like I failed, and in a way I did. But each new day gives me new opportunities to try again. After a day like that, I was wishing that acting like a Catholic was more instinct rather than thoughtful choice.

Jesus never said His way would be our natural reaction, or that we would never fail. Rather He gave us the ultimate model to follow when he said, “Father, forgive them; they do not know what they are doing.” (Lk 23:34) Acknowledging our shortcomings is a step in learning to follow Jesus. Perhaps next time, I can recognize the opportunity sooner and be more mindful of practicing my faith so that I can be a better person.

Catholic Girl Journey

Act like a princess

It seems the items that interest me on Netflix all have some sort of royalty in them. Whether it is a movie, a series or a documentary about real or make believe monarchies, a common story line is the requirement to act the part, especially in public. It’s usually contrasted when the character or person has presented themselves less that what is expected. I must admit that the thought has crossed my mind more than once, “I’m glad I don’t need to worry about that.” But then again, maybe I do?!

Being a daughter of God, who is the Kings of Kings, wouldn’t that make me a princess? Before I go ordering a tiara, let’s think about this. When Jesus came, there were no parades, just a few simple shepherds and 3 very select wise men who came to welcome Him. His crown was of thorns and His throne was the cross. While those aspects are not typical, His actions, that of a leader and setting the example for others, are common factors between Jesus and any earthly ruler.  

What would acting like a princess of God look like? We have plenty of examples in the saints. High on the list would include loving every person with the same love and compassion that Jesus has for me. Another would be setting the example of following the commandments by living them in my daily life. It may not be waving at crowds of strangers, but a smile or wave could help brighten a person’s day. Help those in need in whatever means available: by time, money and/or talent. It sounds like much the same as being a follower of Christ, doesn’t it?

Just like earthly rulers, we will fall short of those expectations. It doesn’t mean we stop trying, it just means we try harder. Perhaps in do so, we can bring a little bit of God’s kingdom here to our corner of the earth.

Catholic Girl Journey

Change begins with me

I feel the need for a change, or that a change is going to happen. What that is, I’m not sure. I could wait around to see what happens, but then, I’d only fret about every small thing that occurs differently and wonder if that’s the change. How can I welcome change without fearing it?

I’ve been rather blessed in my life and I’m lucky that there isn’t anything major for myself that I’m leaning on God, rather it’s the little day-to-day stuff. If I was going to change anything about myself, it would be the amount of procrastination that I do. I always feel that there is time “later” to get things done. It’s not that I’m replacing it with other meaningful activities, but rather indulging in the ability to relax. It’s like Newton’s first law of motion, ‘A body at rest will remain at rest unless an outside force acts on it…’ The thought that keeps going through my head is that if I want to change, I need to be the one to want that change. In Mark’s gospel, the father of a possessed boy asks Jesus, “If out the kindness of your heart you can do anything to help us, please do!” Jesus calls the man out for his lack of faith saying, “If you can? Everything is possible to a man who trusts.” The father’s response is a prayer I pray daily, “ I do believe! Help my unbelief!” (Mk 9:22-25) The first step to any change is to want it, and not just kinda-sorta want it, but really, truly, deep-down with all your heart want it.

Why do I want to change? That is a question I need to fully investigate. Changing how much I procrastinate seems like a no-brainer, but other changes that I may want to pursue should be carefully considered. Change for the sake of change does not make me a better person, just a different person. But if a change will aid me in my journey to heaven and be of benefit to those around me, those are the ones I need to pursue. I also need to understand that sometimes I’ll succeed, but there will be many challenging times when I feel prompted to do something and instead sit down and say I’ll do it later. I need to remember that even living in-person with Jesus, the Apostles ran away when He was arrested. It’s only after the coming of the Holy Spirit that they were fortified enough to go to the ends of the earth to preach the Good News.

Usually change takes time. In this day of instant everything, the slow process of change can be frustrating to the point of quickly giving up. Its slowness can also mean that we don’t even realize we’re changing. While the gospels record Jesus healing numerous people instantly, even without Him being present, He also took three years to prepare His disciples and the people for His death, resurrection and ascension into heaven. It took the Israelites 40 years of wandering in the desert before they reached the promised land. If I give up on pursuing changing myself, I give up on the graces God has given me, and continues to give me, to help me change.

It may take a lifetime, and that’s okay. I just need to keep reminding myself, change begins with me.

Catholic Girl Journey

God’s blessing

The other day I was chatting after Mass with our recently ordained deacon and one of the women from the parish. She was telling us about a presentation she was excited to give, but asked us to pray that not only does she do well, but that the audience understands the information. Our deacon then proceeded to bless her efforts so that they bring glory to God. I was rather in awe to witness the moment. Afterwards, with a joyful grin, he indicated how much he loved blessing people and how he wished he could just bless everyone. What a marvelous attitude for someone with his vocation!

I knew that deacons had special privileges at Mass, like reading the Gospel and giving the homily, and that they could baptize as well. I don’t think, until that moment, that I realized deacons could give a blessing as well. What an amazing gift: to be the instrument of God and invoke His grace and blessing on His creation. A gift that is meant to be shared and given away to others.

While the ordinary lay person does not have quite the same power for blessing, we too can pray for a blessing over others: parents, children, siblings, friends and strangers. Asking God’s aid on behalf of another, in their presence, brings us closer together in the family of God. For some this may come easy, but for others it may seem awkward; the remedy is practice! God has blessed us with many gifts beyond that of prayer. Some are material while others are more intangible. They all are meant to be shared as well. As we share, from giving to the poor, to listening to a person’s troubles, to smiling at a stranger, we not only share the gifts that God has given us, we bring His blessing to others.

In the troubled world we live in, we can all use God’s blessings, especially when they are delivered by you and me.

Catholic Girl Journey

Wisdom of a paradox

Jesus ate and drank with sinners. His parables included giving more to those who had, and taking away from those who had little, as well as a landowner who paid the same full day’s wage to each worker no matter how long they toiled. And the ultimate paradox, is that through His crucifixion, Jesus saved us, giving eternal life to those who believe. With the bible littered with these examples, how are we to ever understand them so that we can apply the lessons to our lives?

I was knitting recently and started pondering that question, as knitting busys my hands so that my brain can think. Theological ideas can be hard to grasp even when they are straightforward, so wrestling with contrary ideas can be even more complicated. In a pause of my thought process, I turned to my knitting pattern, actually a chart of stitches, to confirm yet again that I was following it correctly. It was then that I realized how much knitting had in common with the paradoxes of the bible.

In knitting, there is really only one stitch, it just depends on which side you’re viewing it. On the “right” side, it is a knit stitch, but that same stitch on the reverse is a purl stitch. By including the reverse, or purl stitch in patterns, all various designs are created. Advanced knitters manipulate these two stitches to create lace, cables, bobbles, and all sorts of shaping. But in the end, it’s all just one stitch.

Then there is the pattern chart, like the one I was using. The “right” side, or that which faces out, starts at the bottom left, and the first row is read from left to right. The even rows are the back or “inside” of the garment and in a chart are read from right to left. Charts often indicate that a blank square equals a knit stitch on the front but a purl stitch on the back. That means reading from left to right on an odd row, I’m knitting the stitches and when I’m on an even row, or the back side, I’m purling those stitches. Why is the chart written that way? So that you can see what the final result of the pattern you are knitting will be.

Putting the lessons from the seemingly contradictory bible passages into practice is like knitting from a chart, only we may not see the whole chart, only the next ‘stitch’ we need to make in our lives. Or we may forget that above and below that knit stitch on the right side of the garment are purl stitches, the ‘backside’ of the knit stitch.

I’m not the first to struggle these seemingly illogical teachings. Paul in his first letter to the Corinthians, acknowledges that some teachings can be difficult to a logical mind, “For Jews demand signs and Greeks seek wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and folly to the  Gentiles, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ is the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.” (1 Cor 1:22-25) Like following the knitting chart pattern, while we may see the big picture of the results, it can be confusing to try to understand the details in the same way. One has to keep on knitting before the chart begins to make sense, usually as the pattern starts emerging. Faith, hope and prayer keeps us open to God’s wisdom, allowing us to get a stitch or two deeper in His mysteries and teachings.

Catholic Girl Journey

Unexpected is not on the checklist

This past week has been crazy busy for me. I feel like I’ve been reduced to checklists, to make sure I accomplish as much as I possibly can, knowing that I can’t do it all. Church, work, home… all call for my time and attention.

One of the most significant items on my Saturday checklist was Abbey Fest in Paoli, PA. I bought my ticket months ago, well before realizing that work would also be competing for my time. As a result, I did not get there when the gates opened and missed the first two acts. It’s open seating, literally, on the grass wherever one can find room, and folks do tend to come throughout the day. The thought did cross my mind that just because I had a ticket didn’t mean that I had to go, but I think that was more of an evil temptation. I managed to find a nice spot with a good view of the stage and set up my chair and sat down. Doesn’t sound like much, but to be able to sit down, enjoying the fresh air and good, inspiring music was both restful and invigorating. As in previous years, I was glad I went, but this year I felt an unexpected joy immersing myself in the place and activities of Abbey Fest.  I found that is was what I really needed at that moment.

Another item on my checklist was to go to confession at Abbey Fest. While the abbey itself is open for folks to go in and pray, confessions are heard outside on the lawn, face-to-face. I’m not particularly fond of going face-to-face, since I usually end up crying, however it’s a bit easier there since the priests are from a variety of locations. The line was surprisingly short, although they did have quite a number of priests available, so my time to prepare was short. The priest was reverently humorous, which was very unexpected. It was one of the best confessional experiences I have had, as I truly felt that he was talking to me at my level. At the conclusion, I was considering asking the priest if I could hug him, but settled for letting him know what a great experience it was. He seemed a bit surprised and took no credit for it responding, “It’s all the Holy Spirit, not me.”

The speaker for the event was Paul J. Kim, who promotes himself as singer/speaker/inspirer. I was not familiar with his work, and even though his presentation and other events were not on my checklist, I found myself checking off each one. Paul‘s talents include making music with his mouth (and not just percussive instruments but even a trumpet sound!), as well as being able to convey thoughts, feelings and even doubts about religion and faith in a lighthearted and thought provoking way. I laughed out loud at his humor, which is unusual for me. And there were a number of times when I said to myself, “yup, I thought that way too.” Paul was able to dig down, deep into the core of the faith, and shed a different perspective to it. I was surprised to so thoroughly enjoy his presentation. It was a perfect prelude to the headline act, Matt Maher, who not only gave a fabulous show, introducing a few new songs, but led us in adoration of the Blessed Sacrament, the true highlight of the whole day.

The unexpected may not be on the checklist, but it was a real delight to have so many experiences all wrapped up into one Abbey Fest event.

Catholic Girl Journey

God love you

How much does God love you? As our Creator, God loves us each and individually. It’s a concept that one hears over and over again, but without seeing/interacting with God as a being, it can be hard to understand.

Jesus, the divine Son of God, came down to earth, and became man. I believe it, and yet it’s still difficult to understand. Jesus gave His life for us, dying on the cross so that He could descend into the darkest part of our humanity, death, and triumph over it by rising from the dead. I believe it, am humbled by it, in awe of it, and yet it does not help me to understand how much God loves me, Karen, as an individual.

God, in His infinite wisdom understands this, after all He did create me. To help me, He blessed me by allowing me to become a pet parent to my cat, Vera. I love the creature she is, even in her impish times when I’m completely frustrated with her behavior, but I’m glad she’s in my life. I love when she comes and sits on my lap and purrs. I enjoy her company and that simple act of her just being herself,. Even amidst the struggle of the medical issue she has, , I gladly endure the pain and heartache because of all the joy-filled moments she gives me daily.

While this may seem like a crazy cat lady talking about her cat, it’s really looking at relationships in a spiritual light. If I can have such a strong connection with another creature who only sort of gets who I am and my actions, how much more does God know and love me? This is still an imperfect perspective, but helps me to get a glimpse of His love. Vera understands when I get out a toy that it’s playtime, and when I pick up her bowls and take them to the kitchen that it’s feeding time. She also understands when the spray bottle comes out that she needs to stay out of the kitchen or off the dining table. She’s an intelligent creature, but sees things from a cat perspective. I see God from a human perspective, so my understanding of Him pales in comparison to who He really is and what all He does for me.

So every time that Vera jumps up on my lap, kneads before settling down, purring the whole time, I thank God for bringing Vera into my life. And then I thank Him for the unfathomable amount of love He has for me.

Catholic Girl Journey

Better or worse

“It can’t get any worse than this, can it?’” Every time I hear someone say that, I cringe. Life can always be better, and it can always be worse. Our lives are a set of choices and events and the intersection of the two. Regardless of what’s going on, however, God is always with us, loving us and blessing us.

When life seems to throw us a curveball of overwhelming circumstances to deal with, it can be very easy to wonder where God is in the midst of it. And when one more thing is piled on top of the heap, we can feel like we’ve hit our maximum. And perhaps that is true for some, but for others they may be stretched further; so in their case, it can be worse. But God is there with us, in every sigh and tear. He may even be blessing us by making our burdens just a little bit lighter or preventing them from getting too heavy, but since we can’t see things from His perspective, we may wonder what His role is in our lives.

In Jesus’ address to the disciples regarding love for our enemies, He says the Father “makes the sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends the rain on the just and the unjust.” (Matthew 5:45) God has not created the world just to abandon it, rather He loves all His creation and wants to bless it, regardless of whether one believes or not, whether one obeys His commands or not. Even in the smallest details like sunshine and rain He bestows on all. I don’t think we can ever really know what life would be like without God since He is with us always and helping us along the way.

As a follower of Christ, I take comfort in knowing he is always present; it brings me a sense of peace in difficult circumstances. However, my initial reactions when challenging times come may not be as Christian as I expect of myself. I wonder if the saints ever reached the point where they accepted all challenges without struggling.  St. Augustine said, “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in You.” Perhaps as we continue our faith journey, we can learn to rest in the Lord, thanking Him for the blessings — both the obvious ones and those that only He knows.