relationship with God

Catholic Girl Journey

Wisdom of a paradox

Jesus ate and drank with sinners. His parables included giving more to those who had, and taking away from those who had little, as well as a landowner who paid the same full day’s wage to each worker no matter how long they toiled. And the ultimate paradox, is that through His crucifixion, Jesus saved us, giving eternal life to those who believe. With the bible littered with these examples, how are we to ever understand them so that we can apply the lessons to our lives?

I was knitting recently and started pondering that question, as knitting busys my hands so that my brain can think. Theological ideas can be hard to grasp even when they are straightforward, so wrestling with contrary ideas can be even more complicated. In a pause of my thought process, I turned to my knitting pattern, actually a chart of stitches, to confirm yet again that I was following it correctly. It was then that I realized how much knitting had in common with the paradoxes of the bible.

In knitting, there is really only one stitch, it just depends on which side you’re viewing it. On the “right” side, it is a knit stitch, but that same stitch on the reverse is a purl stitch. By including the reverse, or purl stitch in patterns, all various designs are created. Advanced knitters manipulate these two stitches to create lace, cables, bobbles, and all sorts of shaping. But in the end, it’s all just one stitch.

Then there is the pattern chart, like the one I was using. The “right” side, or that which faces out, starts at the bottom left, and the first row is read from left to right. The even rows are the back or “inside” of the garment and in a chart are read from right to left. Charts often indicate that a blank square equals a knit stitch on the front but a purl stitch on the back. That means reading from left to right on an odd row, I’m knitting the stitches and when I’m on an even row, or the back side, I’m purling those stitches. Why is the chart written that way? So that you can see what the final result of the pattern you are knitting will be.

Putting the lessons from the seemingly contradictory bible passages into practice is like knitting from a chart, only we may not see the whole chart, only the next ‘stitch’ we need to make in our lives. Or we may forget that above and below that knit stitch on the right side of the garment are purl stitches, the ‘backside’ of the knit stitch.

I’m not the first to struggle these seemingly illogical teachings. Paul in his first letter to the Corinthians, acknowledges that some teachings can be difficult to a logical mind, “For Jews demand signs and Greeks seek wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and folly to the  Gentiles, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ is the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.” (1 Cor 1:22-25) Like following the knitting chart pattern, while we may see the big picture of the results, it can be confusing to try to understand the details in the same way. One has to keep on knitting before the chart begins to make sense, usually as the pattern starts emerging. Faith, hope and prayer keeps us open to God’s wisdom, allowing us to get a stitch or two deeper in His mysteries and teachings.

Catholic Girl Journey

Unexpected is not on the checklist

This past week has been crazy busy for me. I feel like I’ve been reduced to checklists, to make sure I accomplish as much as I possibly can, knowing that I can’t do it all. Church, work, home… all call for my time and attention.

One of the most significant items on my Saturday checklist was Abbey Fest in Paoli, PA. I bought my ticket months ago, well before realizing that work would also be competing for my time. As a result, I did not get there when the gates opened and missed the first two acts. It’s open seating, literally, on the grass wherever one can find room, and folks do tend to come throughout the day. The thought did cross my mind that just because I had a ticket didn’t mean that I had to go, but I think that was more of an evil temptation. I managed to find a nice spot with a good view of the stage and set up my chair and sat down. Doesn’t sound like much, but to be able to sit down, enjoying the fresh air and good, inspiring music was both restful and invigorating. As in previous years, I was glad I went, but this year I felt an unexpected joy immersing myself in the place and activities of Abbey Fest.  I found that is was what I really needed at that moment.

Another item on my checklist was to go to confession at Abbey Fest. While the abbey itself is open for folks to go in and pray, confessions are heard outside on the lawn, face-to-face. I’m not particularly fond of going face-to-face, since I usually end up crying, however it’s a bit easier there since the priests are from a variety of locations. The line was surprisingly short, although they did have quite a number of priests available, so my time to prepare was short. The priest was reverently humorous, which was very unexpected. It was one of the best confessional experiences I have had, as I truly felt that he was talking to me at my level. At the conclusion, I was considering asking the priest if I could hug him, but settled for letting him know what a great experience it was. He seemed a bit surprised and took no credit for it responding, “It’s all the Holy Spirit, not me.”

The speaker for the event was Paul J. Kim, who promotes himself as singer/speaker/inspirer. I was not familiar with his work, and even though his presentation and other events were not on my checklist, I found myself checking off each one. Paul‘s talents include making music with his mouth (and not just percussive instruments but even a trumpet sound!), as well as being able to convey thoughts, feelings and even doubts about religion and faith in a lighthearted and thought provoking way. I laughed out loud at his humor, which is unusual for me. And there were a number of times when I said to myself, “yup, I thought that way too.” Paul was able to dig down, deep into the core of the faith, and shed a different perspective to it. I was surprised to so thoroughly enjoy his presentation. It was a perfect prelude to the headline act, Matt Maher, who not only gave a fabulous show, introducing a few new songs, but led us in adoration of the Blessed Sacrament, the true highlight of the whole day.

The unexpected may not be on the checklist, but it was a real delight to have so many experiences all wrapped up into one Abbey Fest event.

Catholic Girl Journey

God love you

How much does God love you? As our Creator, God loves us each and individually. It’s a concept that one hears over and over again, but without seeing/interacting with God as a being, it can be hard to understand.

Jesus, the divine Son of God, came down to earth, and became man. I believe it, and yet it’s still difficult to understand. Jesus gave His life for us, dying on the cross so that He could descend into the darkest part of our humanity, death, and triumph over it by rising from the dead. I believe it, am humbled by it, in awe of it, and yet it does not help me to understand how much God loves me, Karen, as an individual.

God, in His infinite wisdom understands this, after all He did create me. To help me, He blessed me by allowing me to become a pet parent to my cat, Vera. I love the creature she is, even in her impish times when I’m completely frustrated with her behavior, but I’m glad she’s in my life. I love when she comes and sits on my lap and purrs. I enjoy her company and that simple act of her just being herself,. Even amidst the struggle of the medical issue she has, , I gladly endure the pain and heartache because of all the joy-filled moments she gives me daily.

While this may seem like a crazy cat lady talking about her cat, it’s really looking at relationships in a spiritual light. If I can have such a strong connection with another creature who only sort of gets who I am and my actions, how much more does God know and love me? This is still an imperfect perspective, but helps me to get a glimpse of His love. Vera understands when I get out a toy that it’s playtime, and when I pick up her bowls and take them to the kitchen that it’s feeding time. She also understands when the spray bottle comes out that she needs to stay out of the kitchen or off the dining table. She’s an intelligent creature, but sees things from a cat perspective. I see God from a human perspective, so my understanding of Him pales in comparison to who He really is and what all He does for me.

So every time that Vera jumps up on my lap, kneads before settling down, purring the whole time, I thank God for bringing Vera into my life. And then I thank Him for the unfathomable amount of love He has for me.

Catholic Girl Journey

Better or worse

“It can’t get any worse than this, can it?’” Every time I hear someone say that, I cringe. Life can always be better, and it can always be worse. Our lives are a set of choices and events and the intersection of the two. Regardless of what’s going on, however, God is always with us, loving us and blessing us.

When life seems to throw us a curveball of overwhelming circumstances to deal with, it can be very easy to wonder where God is in the midst of it. And when one more thing is piled on top of the heap, we can feel like we’ve hit our maximum. And perhaps that is true for some, but for others they may be stretched further; so in their case, it can be worse. But God is there with us, in every sigh and tear. He may even be blessing us by making our burdens just a little bit lighter or preventing them from getting too heavy, but since we can’t see things from His perspective, we may wonder what His role is in our lives.

In Jesus’ address to the disciples regarding love for our enemies, He says the Father “makes the sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends the rain on the just and the unjust.” (Matthew 5:45) God has not created the world just to abandon it, rather He loves all His creation and wants to bless it, regardless of whether one believes or not, whether one obeys His commands or not. Even in the smallest details like sunshine and rain He bestows on all. I don’t think we can ever really know what life would be like without God since He is with us always and helping us along the way.

As a follower of Christ, I take comfort in knowing he is always present; it brings me a sense of peace in difficult circumstances. However, my initial reactions when challenging times come may not be as Christian as I expect of myself. I wonder if the saints ever reached the point where they accepted all challenges without struggling.  St. Augustine said, “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in You.” Perhaps as we continue our faith journey, we can learn to rest in the Lord, thanking Him for the blessings — both the obvious ones and those that only He knows.

Catholic Girl Journey

Faith skirmishes

Our faith is  under assault every day on many different fronts. Some are outright battles, but others I would consider skirmishes: subtle comments or situations that put down people of faith or the faith itself. It’s up to us to recognize these attacks and counter their effect on our own faith journey.

I attended a webinar for my work about the digital transformation in marketing, how websites, emails and social media have changed the way companies interact with their customers. One would not expect  to have faith attacked while listening to such a speaker, but after a rather callous comment from the presenter, I was sorely tempted to hang up. He claimed the Church opposed the printing press because they didn’t want anyone to read the Bible! St. Jerome, way back in the 5th century and well before the printing press, said, “Ignorance of Scripture is ignorance of Christ.” We do need to read, if not the Bible, then passages from it daily in order to keep the Word of God in mind. In some sense the Church was the first printing press, as many monasteries copied books, both religious and classical literature.  They kept books from being lost to time during the fall of the Roman empire and the period of unrest that followed it. If I didn’t know these tidbits of history, hearing a derogatory comment like the one mentioned during a business presentation could be a seed planted that would eventually have a negative impact on my relationship with God.

Another example: in a recent crime drama I watched that was set in 1920s Australia, the rich and worldly main character was horrified at the conditions of a laundry service run by a local convent. This was back in the day when the laundry was all done by hand; it was hard labor. The convent sheltered and cared for orphaned and troubled girls; they were the ones who did the actual laundry. The character seemed shocked that the girls were only given very modest housing in exchange for their labor. It’s very easy to look at that scene through modern eyes and be quick to judge the Church. While this is a fictional story, images and situations like this presented in a purely secular way even if they are based on truth seem to scream ‘unfair.’ What is unfair is the one-sided presentation. Many religious take a vow of poverty, when they open their home to share it with others, they open it as it is: simple and modest. I’m sure if the character ever heard the life of St. Francis of Assisi, she would be just as shocked that he gave up all his worldly possessions to become poor so as to be a better servant to God. By delving into the lives of the saints, we can broaden our understanding to our own calling as well as to see life from a different perspective.

When faced with a faith skirmish, let it be unsettling for us; let it cause us to dig deeper and ponder it. Let it be an opportunity to learn about our faith and its history. Let it become part of the armor of God that we wear. “And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” (Ephesians 6:17)

Catholic Girl Journey

The known unknown

After 15 years, it was time to replace my mattress. I had gotten to the point where I had to sleep at the very edge, else I’d wake up with more aches than when I went to bed. But after delivery of a new mattress, I realized I could not really enjoy it, at least not  consciously, since I was asleep. However, a great deal of the true joy and appreciation of the new mattress comes when I get a full, restful and supportive night’s sleep.

For many, one third of the day is spent sleeping. While we are still ourselves, there is a bit of mystery in sleep. There are fields of study and medicines for insomniacs or for those with narcolepsy who sleep too much. There is just as much  research for those of us in the middle and just as many products to help us get the best sleep we can. But there is no way to tell how these products help unless someone completes a night’s sleep, or fails to do so. Sleep is the known unknown required of us all. We all participate  but sleep is unique for each one of us.

Our faith journey is a known unknown also.  We believe in God, but can only know Him as much as our finite brain can know the infinite. There is much study and many practices to lead us on the journey: some work, others don’t. Sometimes we can tell when they don’t work, just like the sleep aids that don’t help us sleep. But some we won’t be able to evaluate until our journey, like a night of sleep, gets us to a place of peace or causes us more pain.

The closest way our faith journey resembles a night of sleep is in our total surrender to it. Just because we give ourselves and our lives over to the Lord does not mean we are mindless or that we lose our sense of self. Rather it is when our lives are like a good night of restful sleep that we can see we are more ourselves. We become who God meant us to be and bring more of His light to the world. And each journey is as unique as the way we sleep.

It may be only when we fall asleep in Christ that we will be able to realize what a difference our faith journey has had, not only to ourselves, but to each and every soul we have met on the way. And maybe it is then that we will be able to fully enjoy the fruits it brings with the other saints in heaven.

 

Catholic Girl Journey

Can’t or won’t?

As a child, I remember saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me.”  However the words we use can be damaging to ourselves or to others. The language we  choose, especially for self-talk, can influence our outlook negatively or positively.

After a long day at work, I was on my way to the fitness center for a short workout but I really just wanted to go home. That thought kept going through my head: I don’t want to be here.  I also had  certain expectations of how my workout would go. After getting into the swing of it, I was waiting for the wave of energy to kick in. Instead, it seemed to just get harder. ‘I can’t do this,’ I thought to myself. I wanted to stop and sit down. But after sitting all day at a computer, I knew this was the best thing for me. I’ve done this workout for weeks, I thought, why was it so hard today? Why did it feel like it was impossible?

Is it can’t or is it won’t? I didn’t really want to work out when I drove to the center. Was my lack of  enthusiasm for working out making me feel that I was incapable of doing so? Since I had been working out regularly, I knew I could do it. Maybe it was more about the expectations I had about how the workout would go. It seemed that my efforts were being blocked because I really didn’t want to exercise.  I did keep going, but at a slower and more deliberate pace, and I let go of my expectations.  In the end I was able to not only finish the workout, but to feel good about completing it.  

While exercise is vital for the body to function properly, we also need to ‘exercise’ our spiritual soul. How often do we say we can’t do something, like weekday Mass, adoration or a rosary, but what we really mean is that we won’t. We let our feelings or our expectations get in the way. Sometimes, even when we get into a groove, we can face a challenge. However, if we persevere it will be to the betterment of our soul.

The call for perseverance is issued throughout the Scriptures. Jesus even questions, “But when the Son of Man comes, will he find any faith on the earth?” (Lk 18:8) We are not promised that our choices will be easy or our tasks without effort. But it’s when we continue on, even during our hardships that we come closer to God. “Happy the man who holds out to the end through trial! Once he has been proved, he will receive the crown of life the Lord has promised to those who love him.” (James 1:12).

 

Catholic Girl Journey

The strongest weakness

God knows we all have weaknesses; too many that we may only choose to acknowledge just a few. But what about God; does He have any weaknesses? Is there anything He can’t do?

In Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians, he calls to mind the paradox of the cross. “For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength.” (1 Cor 1:25). The weakness of what the cross appears to us, is the instrument that God uses to save us. What kills a man has now become our salvation. It’s amazing to think that God can take our weakness and allow His greatness and glory to be revealed. Who could have known, that as Jesus hung on the cross, He was redeeming us? Only those few with faith, standing at the foot of the cross and believing that God could bring good out of it. In the eyes of the world, it seemed foolish keeping the vigil below a condemned man. The world may call us foolish for kneeling before a crucifix, but I’d rather be called a fool by the world, than a fool by God.

God can do anything. He created the world and all that is in it. He knows each creature by name. I think to ask the question of ‘is there anything God can’t do’ is the wrong question to ask. The better question is ‘is there anything that God chooses not to do?’ Yes. God does not force us to have a relationship with Him and He does not revoke His blessings on those who choose not to do so. God does not need us, but He wants us. God is love itself and He wants to share that with us. But He wants us to be willing. Even the angels were given the opportunity to eternally be in a right relationship with Him or not. Just as some angels chose against God and He allowed them; He allows us to make that decision. Unlike the angels, we have every day during our lifetime to choose Him and His will or to go against Him. And every day, in every moment, He calls us closer to Him. While He allows us to make our own decision, He also continues to pursue us to draw us closer to Him.

Instead of bemoaning our weaknesses to God, let us offer them up for His use. Let us petition Him to aid us in choosing His will for us daily. Perhaps after we complete our earthly life, God will show us just what He was able to accomplish through us by being open to Him and offering all of ourselves and every weakness to His will.

Catholic Girl Journey

Living the dream

What would it take to live your dream? Would it be the perfect job? Living in the perfect home? Traveling the world? Winning the lottery? And then what?

Having dreams is not a bad thing, except when they get in the way of living in the present moment. It’s very easy to get lost in the mundane everyday activities. Taking out the trash pales in comparison to watching the sunset on a Caribbean beach. But even in the Caribbean, the trash has to be taken out; how would your dream be different if you were there? One answer might be that since you’re in the Caribbean, you can enjoy the sunset and the marvelous colors of the sky and would be able to ignore the fish-reeking sack in your hand. Might you be able to enjoy the colors of the sky or the beginning twinkle of stars as you take out the trash where you are now? After all God provides the changes in nature around us, it’s up to us to see His hand in it.

“While I may not know you, I bet I know you wonder sometimes, does it matter at all? Well let me remind you, it all matters just as long as you do everything you do to the glory of the One who made you, because he made you, to do every little thing that you do…”

When I find myself getting caught up too much in daily activities, I use Steven Curtis Chapman’s song Do Everything to remind myself that it’s not all about me, it’s about where God has me now. This is where God wants me; in a way, it’s His dream for me: to bring acknowledgement of His presence to my daily activities, even when I’m taking out the trash. Rather than dreaming I am on some fantastic beach of His, what about appreciating His wonderful creation that surrounds me? Or interesting people He places in my life everyday?

What we have is right now —this moment. How can we make the here and now our dream? How can you approach this time and space with the wonder of living your dream? Can you make your dream the dream that God has for you?

Catholic Girl Journey

Cost of freedom

July brings the celebration of the United States as it’s own nation. We come together as family and friends to enjoy a picnic, fellowship, and, if we’re lucky, a dip in the pool to cool off. There may be parades where we cheer the veterans who have served our country. Some may remember those who paid the ultimate price to protect the country by giving their life. Perhaps, the true cost of freedom was paid by the sacrifice on Calvary.

The Declaration of Independence acknowledges three gifts that most know by heart: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” Over 240 years ago, the founding fathers released this document that put into action a revolution from which the United States would emerge. They acknowledged God as the giver of these gifts. I’ve heard it mentioned that the order matters. You can’t pursue happiness if you don’t have your freedom (liberty) or your life. In a way, the document reminds us of the creation. God created Adam and Eve — that is He gave them life. He gave them the freedom to choose to do His will or their own by asking them to care for the garden and not to eat the fruit of one tree. Otherwise, they were to pursue their happiness by living in communion with God and the rest of His creation. Instead they put their pursuit of happiness above their relationship with God and thus impacted both their life and liberty.

God did not leave man on his own. He patiently gathered the tribe of Israel to teach them His ways and prepare for His Son to pay the price of that first and every sin. Jesus’ pursuit of happiness was to reconcile creation back to the Father through the forgiveness of man’s sins. This journey brought Him to the cross on Calvary, where He gave His very life for us all. The liberty He chose was to free us from our sins so that we can have a opportunity to pursue a relationship with God, both on earth and in heaven. We always have the freedom to choose: to do God’s will or our own. Now when we are sorry for those times we choose to do our will instead of God’s, we can return to a relationship with Him through the sacrament of reconciliation.

Let us give thanks to our creator, not just for our country, but those three precious gifts He gives to each of us. Let us not take our freedom for granted, but look to do the will of God and thank Jesus for paying the price for us.