relationship with God

Catholic Girl Journey

Happy Ash Wednesday

“Go and learn the meaning of the words, ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ I did not come to call the righteous but sinners.” (Matthew 9:13) This quote from Jesus is a perfect theme for Lent this year. In this Year of Mercy, Pope Francis calls us to a very special Lent. We are called not to give up chocolate or sweets, but rather to give others mercy.

Lent is the season of repentance; a time to look at our life and make an extra effort to purge ourselves of obstacles in our relationship with God. If we are asking God be merciful to us, showing mercy to others seems like a natural extension. But our human nature can turn this into a difficult task. In some sense, showing mercy is a kind of sacrifice. It’s giving up the anger we have towards another. It’s abstaining from talking negatively about a person or situation. And one of the spiritual works of mercy is to bear wrongs patiently which means sacrificing pride.

We often associate mercy with forgiveness, but they are not necessarily the same thing. One definition for the word ‘forgive’ is to ‘cease to feel resentment against.’ However for mercy, it is to ‘pardon someone or to mitigate punishment’ as well ‘an act of kindness, compassion or favor.’ I think it takes a lot of prayer and divine assistance to truly forgive another, but we can take a step towards forgiveness by showing mercy. It might mean trying to look at the situation from their point of view and treating others the way we want to be treated.

Today is the first of 40 days this Lent when we can focus on how we practice the gift of mercy towards others. We may not get it right each day, but if we keep trying, perhaps come Easter, we will have a better understanding of Jesus’ command for mercy rather than sacrifice.

Catholic Girl Journey

Talking too much

My parish recently started the program Consoling the Heart of Jesus by Fr. Gaitley. In reading the first assignment, I felt rather chagrined as it described people coming to visit Jesus in prayer, giving Him their requests, and leaving. How many hours have I spent before the Blessed Sacrament with my own soliloquy?

Being human, the best way to connect with others is to see them face-to-face and hear their direct responses to what I say. I can’t do that with God, but seeing the consecrated Host in the monstrance is the next best thing. As everything I have comes from God, I do try to thank Him for the gifts and blessings He has bestowed. I try to be conversational when I talk to Him, describing my hopes, fears and challenges. But I have noticed that I don’t always give Him a chance to respond.

There are times when I wish I could hear God telling me clearly His response, even though it might be rather terrifying to hear a voice talking to me. But when I just keep jabbering about my thoughts and feelings, I’m not usually paying attention to see if God is responding in some way. Do I assume that God will “fix” things once I put my “order” in with Him? I may tell Him that I want His will to be done, but do I want it to happen His way or mine?

On the occasions when I notice that I’m doing all the talking, I try to stop myself and just be in Jesus’ presence. It usually doesn’t take very long before a stray idea comes to mind and I start talking again. Being more aware of what I’m saying when I am in prayer before the Blessed Sacrament is the first step in opening up to Jesus. It will take a lot of practice to get better, but I have an hour every week to try. I hope that if I can improve my face-to-Host openness to God, I will be able to hear Him clearly in my daily life also.

Catholic Girl Journey

Carrying your cross

The fourth sorrowful mystery of the Rosary is Jesus carrying His cross to Calvary. We are all called to carry our cross and I’ve been pondering what this means.

Crosses can come in many different shapes, sizes and types. Sometimes they are of a physical nature, others can be mental or spiritual. Maybe they are the bad habits or the sins we find ourselves confessing again and again. It may seem our crosses control us and we have no power over them. So how can one carry such a thing? Perhaps, like a journey, carrying a cross comes in stages.

As with any problem or issue, unless you acknowledge it, you can’t do anything about it. When we recognize the obstacle that keeps us away from God, we pick up that cross. Acceptance is the first step. For the longest time, my idea of carrying a cross was accepting it. I would say, “Okay God, you gave me this cross; I’ll carry it.” But it seemed  I was just holding on to it and not progressing in my journey to God.

A cross is not something we do battle with, but a tool that can help us practice virtues. Embracing our cross is not about allowing ourselves to commit that sin and then confessing it. Rather embracing it is praying for help and guidance regularly, not just in the moment of temptation. It is identifying the virtue opposite that sin and praying for that. Just as Jesus fell carrying His cross, we cannot think that we can succeed without falling, and many more times than Jesus did. But just as God provided Jesus with the helping hand of Simon, Jesus wants to help us with ours. In our moments of weakness, when we are frustrated in our progress, we can take comfort in the response Jesus had for St. Paul in his struggles. “He said to me, ‘My grace is enough for you, for in weakness power reaches perfection.’” (2 Corinthians: 12:9)

I am not at the point where I can boast of my weakness as St. Paul claims, but it is reassuring that someone so holy and amazing struggled like I do. And when I fall, Jesus is there extending His hand so I can rise, pick up my cross and carry on.

Catholic Girl Journey

Getting in shape with God

Many years ago, I was trying to get more exercise and looking for a way to energize myself for the effort. I thought saying the rosary while taking a walk might be the encouragement I needed, and it would allow me to check two things off my list at once. I tried it, but it was winter time, and bundling up for a walk at 6 AM was a nice novelty, but once was enough. I’m not sure if it was the cold, my lack of interest in getting healthy, the time of day, or the added prayer that squelched my enthusiasm; perhaps a combination of all of those factors.

I have been more successful lately with exercise inside. I am blessed to have some basic fitness equipment at my workplace, and I usually use the cross trainer twice weekly. There are often other employees who come in and use the provided televisions to watch a program as they work out. To me the television is an annoying distraction, maybe because I’m not interested in sports news, which is often the channel of choice. I usually listen to Christian music on my phone or tablet.

Once during the Christmas holidays, when I was trying to be as efficient as possible, I used an audio rosay app on my tablet while working out. Part of me felt guilty that I was exercising while saying the rosary, but when I got home that night, I was able to continue my Christmas baking with a bit more spring in my step. The next few times I went back to the standard praise music but kept wondering, what if I tried the audio rosary app again? So I did; several times. With the specific app that I have, I can say the Divine Mercy chaplet, the St. Michael chaplet and the rosary in a 40 minute workout. I do worry that every time I recite these prayers in the future, I will be reminded of working out. What if they become a chore with this association? But I have an alternative, and listening to music can be both uplifting and still help me focus on my relationship with God.

I think the difference for me this time around is my attitude. Even looking at exercise alone, I see it now as a need to keep the body God gave me working as best it can. Adding a layer of prayer, whether it’s praise music or scripted prayers, serves to remind me to say “thank you” for the body God provided. It’s giving back to Him what He gave to me.

 

Catholic Girl Journey

Prepare to stop, listen and reflect

Preparation for Christmas in full swing. The second week of Advent continues to call for reconciliation as a way to prepare for Jesus’ coming. With all the busyness of the season, it can be hard to find the time to reflect on our relationship with God. Reconciliation requires that we stop and look at our thoughts, words, actions and inactions. It requires time and may not fit easily into our schedule. But similar to baking, the time you take to prepare will be seen in the results.

I love baking and Christmas is the time of year that I can gift others with my baked goods without needing any other reason than the season. I gift so much baking, that I need to project-manage my efforts. Creating a list of ingredients for seven different kinds of cookies and at least five different tea breads allows me to make one trip to the grocery store, but in order to do that, I need to know which recipes I’m going to use.

Not only that, but with a full-time job, finding the time to bake requires  that I look at my schedule and plan what item is going to be baked on what day. Some cookies require the dough to be chilled prior to shaping and baking, so unless I want to finish at 3AM, I will prep the dough the day before I plan to bake. Some cookies take less than 10 minutes to bake, others will take a bit longer. Those minutes of waiting in between are precious time that I can use to reflect on Christ’s birth and what I need to do to become closer to Him.

One definite way is to take advantage of the sacrament of reconciliation. Making it a priority isn’t easy. One year I had two errands: confession and purchasing gift tins for my cookies. I was concerned that the traffic at the mall might lead to my missing confession, so I went to church first. It made sense to me until my temper was sorely tested in the parking lot of the mall. It took all the grace I received in the sacrament to smile and not react to the aggressive drivers trying to find a spot or vacate one. It was a great lesson and one I don’t wish to repeat.  What good is putting confession first if I lose my temper within the hour?

While celebrating the season is important, don’t forget to make time to prepare to celebrate the birth of Jesus. We need to stop, listen and reflect on His Word. Only then can we begin to take a step in coming closer to Him by meeting God in the sacrament of reconciliation.

Catholic Girl Journey

Preparation is making me wait

Advent is upon us, a season meaning “arrival.” Advent begins four Sundays before Christmas and ends on December 25th. These four  weeks prior to Christmas are set aside to help us prepare for the coming of Jesus. Which coming? Both his birth and his return.

The birth of Jesus occurred over 2,000 years ago as both an historical event and a spiritual one. Israel had been preparing and waiting for this event for a very, very long time. The coming of the Savior was proclaimed to Adam, to  David and to many prophets in between. Isaiah, the prophet who most wrote about Jesus’ coming, lived 500 years prior to His birth. That’s a long time to prepare! But in many ways Jesus’ coming did not match the expectations of the Jews, and few recognized him as the promised Savior.

But the first Sunday in Advent reminds us that there is also a second coming of Jesus: either at the end of the world, or at the end of our life on earth. Often we think these events are too far in the future to waste time thinking about or preparing for at this time.  But Advent offers a spiritual wake up call. Too often we get caught up in all the things we “have to do” to celebrate Christmas, but miss the chance to prepare for meeting Christ. If you knew Christ was coming for you on December 25th, how would your preparation be different than if you were merely preparing to celebrate His first coming?

This year we have almost 4 full weeks to prepare for Jesus. The waiting does not have to be an empty time to fill with gift buying and decorating. Reading the Bible, praying the Rosary, or just sitting in silence before God for 10 minutes each day are ways to open our heart to His coming. Using an Advent wreath to pray is both a mental action and a physical one as we light the candle(s) each day and pause to reflect on prophetic writings about the coming of the Savior. Our time spent in prayer can be our gift to Jesus. Celebrating the sacrament of reconciliation helps to remove the tumbleweeds and rocks in the desert of our hearts to “…prepare the way of the Lord! Make straight in the wasteland a highway of our God!” (Isaiah 40:3) While we receive God’s mercy in this sacrament, we adorn our souls with the beauty of His grace.

Let us prepare first for Jesus’s second coming so we can celebrate in joy the memorial of His first.

Catholic Girl Journey

What is a king?

When we hear about Christ being King, I sometimes find it hard to wrap my head around the concept. Here in the United States, we have a President, senators, congressmen, governors and mayors; none would be an example of a king. While there may be men in the world that hold the title of king, often they are not the “chief authority” as the dictionary definition for “king” specifies.

The role of king in ancient times was so important that the Israelites asked for one. Around 1050 BC, the people were envious of the  countries  with kings and wanted one themselves, a person they could rally behind — a ruler they could see. At that time, Israel was ruled by judges, but these judges were not the same as a king. “We too must be like other nations, with a king to rule us and to lead us in warfare and fight out battles.” (1 Sam 8:20) But at the time the people did have a king, God himself. When Samuel prayed to the Lord about the people’s request, God replied, “Grant the people’s every request. It is not you they reject, they are rejecting me as their king.” (1 Sam 8:7)

Without a current example of a king, my notion of king may be more of the romantic or iconic version of when kings ruled on earth. I think of a king who leads his men into battle and is right in the thick of the fighting. He is an example to his men. A king should also look out for the interests of  his people, making sure they have what they need and are protected from harm. But isn’t that exactly what God does? God, through His Son, Jesus, came down and led us in battle, to the death and beyond. He fought sin and death and triumphed. He leads by His example. God does not leave us to own devices, He fights for us and with us every day. God looks out for His people by providing for us the sacraments: His Spirit (in baptism and confirmation), His mercy (in reconciliation and anointing of the sick), and His very self (in marriage, holy orders and the Eucharist).

And with all these amazing gifts given to us by our King,  what does He ask in return? “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God is one LORD; and you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, and with all  your soul, and with all your might.” (Deut. 6:4). Praise Christ the King who reigns forever!

Catholic Girl Journey

Awe of Creation

Have you ever stopped to feel the sunlight on a crisp, autumn day? Have you ever inhaled the scent of rain in the midst of a downpour?  Have you ever looked in the mirror and noticed how many flecks of color actually make up your eye color?

Day after day we go through our routines and miss noticing the intricate details in God’s creation. Often we don’t appreciate the five senses we have to experience and interact with these marvels. How can we appreciate the smell of a home-baked apple pie if we haven’t noticed the skunk that lurks around at night? The buzzing of a bee is a much more soothing sound than the drone of a lawnmower, just as long as long as the bee stays outdoors. We’re so busy looking for the feeling of God in our emotions and spirit, we don’t notice His touch in the tree outside our window, sheltering the birds and squirrels.

We hear in the gospel of Matthew (10:30) that the hairs of our head are counted and sometimes it seems  hard to comprehend.  If there are billions of people on the planet, how can the thousands of hairs on one person be noticed? Since God is not a being like us, His attention to detail is limitless. At least we can see the hair on our head.  What about the molecules and atoms making up one strand of hair? I remember from my school days that hydrogen and oxygen combine to make water and those atoms join with others to make up everything we can see and touch. While the palette of atoms is finite, God’s imagination runs wide as seen on earth. Only God knows what other amazing creations He has in other planets of the universe, although we may get glimpses as we send telescopes and scientific equipment out to investigate.  

During Sunday Mass, we give praise to God in the Gloria, but when was the last time you thanked Him for being able to savor the taste of a pizza? Or for feeling a breeze across your face? Taking time to see God in these little details helps us to recognize the blessings we have and can lead us closer to Him, since no detail is too small for God. All creation comes alive at His Word; may we hear and see the results with endless praise and thanksgiving.

Catholic Girl Journey

Tears of Joy

Have you ever laughed so hard tears ran down your face? I call that tears of joy. Many people associate tears with sadness, but my favorite tears are the result of a heart overflowing with emotion. Of course when I’m upset I cry, but also when I’m really frustrated or when I’m really happy. Sometimes I even cry when I encounter Jesus in the Eucharist as I mentally tell Him what’s on my heart and mind. There’s one circumstance in which I always cry: reconciliation. Sometimes the tears come when I’m preparing myself and reviewing what actions or failures to act have pushed God away.  The true sorrow I feel often is expressed by tears. Sometimes tears come when I’m in the confessional as I admit my wrong-doings and receive God’s mercy. And if it didn’t happen before or during confession, then the tears will come as I am performing my penance, realizing that I’m starting with a cleansed soul.

Confession does not come easy to me, but I do appreciate the sacrament. Although I tend to call it by the colloquial name, confession, that’s just the word for the action that we take within the sacrament. While there are many names, the one that I think sums up the sacrament best is reconciliation. I’ve heard Bishop Barron refer to the derivation as coming from the same word-root used for our eyelashes. Thus when we are reconciled with God, we see Him eyelash to eyelash (or eyeball to eyeball). That’s quite close and intimate; the only thing closer is when we receive the Eucharist, for then God is within us. That’s why reconciliation is a great way to prepare to receive the Eucharist.

It’s a beautiful sacrament to celebrate, if we only let go of our human egos and realize the gifts God wants to give us rather than focusing on the embarrassment of saying our sins out loud. I find it fascinating to hear the objections others have to the sacrament. Many times they think they can just confess their sins to God directly and avoid going through a priest. But the priest isn’t there to make a checklist to hand to God, he’s there in the person of Christ. For me it means that Jesus is using the priest as His ears to hear what I say and His mouth to give me absolution. Not only that, when I humble myself to express my sins out loud to the priest, I have already taken the first step toward reconciling with God.  

When we stop struggling and let God in and ask for His forgiveness and help, our relationship is healed. The postures and environment reflect what is happening in the sacrament. Usually the Church is quite silent, mirroring the stillness we have reached. While there are many different types of confessionals, I’m most familiar with the kind that looks like a small closet with  a door that the penitent enters. A screen prevents the priest from seeing the penitent and the penitent can’t see the priest—he has his own door and his own cubicle and there is only that screen to connect the two. Usually, there isn’t much light in the penitent’s part of the confessional. One would  kneel on the kneeler in front of the screen to confess and  to receive the sacrament. Walking into that darkened room feels like walking into my darkened soul, but I am not there to hide in the shadows. The gentle light that filters through the screen is like the light of God beckoning me to come closer. Like being in a shower, I usually close my eyes and let God’s mercy wash over me as the priest says, “And I absolve you from your sins…” After receiving the sacrament, when I open the door and the light floods in, it is just like what God’s grace and mercy have done to my soul in the sacrament. As I walk into the light of the Church, it’s like I’m walking back into the light of Christ. This is when my tears of repentance become tears of joy.

Catholic Girl Journey

Take Action

“Repent, and believe in the gospel.” (Mk 1:15)

In many books I’ve read about Catholicism, this point is emphasized by many different writers. It speaks of faith as a concrete and conscious decision. The mercy of God does not give us the license to do whatever we want. Rather, we are invited to choose to believe and to change our attitudes and behaviors accordingly.

The passage above from the beginning of Mark’s gospel is the proclamation that Jesus makes as he enters Galilee after the arrest of John the Baptist. He is calling for people to take action, to take a look at their life and to make changes. The change required is action based on belief in the good news that Jesus preached. I’ve heard it said that when you listen to Jesus’ message, you cannot take it lightly. You need to decide for yourself if He is a liar, a lunatic or the Son of God. He preached that God loves you, but He also said that you need to love everyone as you love yourself. So do you smile lovingly when someone cuts in front of you on the highway? It’s not as simple as it sounds. Jesus’ actions during His time on earth are examples for us to follow today. They are not suggestions, but rather illustrations of what our behavior should be. Do we take up our crosses daily and follow Jesus?

It’s very easy to be faithful when it emotionally feels good. But often the moment of truth is when difficulties arise. Sometimes we can stand tall, but do we also pat ourselves on the back for doing so? When we fall short of living a life based on the gospel, do we take ownership for our mistakes, acknowledging them and repenting once again?

The journey of faith is one day at a time. We may not see the progress we are making when we look forward.  Rarely can we can see how far we have come, or how far we need to go. We should not think of difficult times as a test that we need to pass or fail. Consider them an opportunity to practice our commitment to live the gospel. Regardless of the ups and downs along the way, the direction should  always be forward; to continue to seek God by choosing to live a life according to God’s plan.