relationship with God

Catholic Girl Journey

Awe of Creation

Have you ever stopped to feel the sunlight on a crisp, autumn day? Have you ever inhaled the scent of rain in the midst of a downpour?  Have you ever looked in the mirror and noticed how many flecks of color actually make up your eye color?

Day after day we go through our routines and miss noticing the intricate details in God’s creation. Often we don’t appreciate the five senses we have to experience and interact with these marvels. How can we appreciate the smell of a home-baked apple pie if we haven’t noticed the skunk that lurks around at night? The buzzing of a bee is a much more soothing sound than the drone of a lawnmower, just as long as long as the bee stays outdoors. We’re so busy looking for the feeling of God in our emotions and spirit, we don’t notice His touch in the tree outside our window, sheltering the birds and squirrels.

We hear in the gospel of Matthew (10:30) that the hairs of our head are counted and sometimes it seems  hard to comprehend.  If there are billions of people on the planet, how can the thousands of hairs on one person be noticed? Since God is not a being like us, His attention to detail is limitless. At least we can see the hair on our head.  What about the molecules and atoms making up one strand of hair? I remember from my school days that hydrogen and oxygen combine to make water and those atoms join with others to make up everything we can see and touch. While the palette of atoms is finite, God’s imagination runs wide as seen on earth. Only God knows what other amazing creations He has in other planets of the universe, although we may get glimpses as we send telescopes and scientific equipment out to investigate.  

During Sunday Mass, we give praise to God in the Gloria, but when was the last time you thanked Him for being able to savor the taste of a pizza? Or for feeling a breeze across your face? Taking time to see God in these little details helps us to recognize the blessings we have and can lead us closer to Him, since no detail is too small for God. All creation comes alive at His Word; may we hear and see the results with endless praise and thanksgiving.

Catholic Girl Journey

Tears of Joy

Have you ever laughed so hard tears ran down your face? I call that tears of joy. Many people associate tears with sadness, but my favorite tears are the result of a heart overflowing with emotion. Of course when I’m upset I cry, but also when I’m really frustrated or when I’m really happy. Sometimes I even cry when I encounter Jesus in the Eucharist as I mentally tell Him what’s on my heart and mind. There’s one circumstance in which I always cry: reconciliation. Sometimes the tears come when I’m preparing myself and reviewing what actions or failures to act have pushed God away.  The true sorrow I feel often is expressed by tears. Sometimes tears come when I’m in the confessional as I admit my wrong-doings and receive God’s mercy. And if it didn’t happen before or during confession, then the tears will come as I am performing my penance, realizing that I’m starting with a cleansed soul.

Confession does not come easy to me, but I do appreciate the sacrament. Although I tend to call it by the colloquial name, confession, that’s just the word for the action that we take within the sacrament. While there are many names, the one that I think sums up the sacrament best is reconciliation. I’ve heard Bishop Barron refer to the derivation as coming from the same word-root used for our eyelashes. Thus when we are reconciled with God, we see Him eyelash to eyelash (or eyeball to eyeball). That’s quite close and intimate; the only thing closer is when we receive the Eucharist, for then God is within us. That’s why reconciliation is a great way to prepare to receive the Eucharist.

It’s a beautiful sacrament to celebrate, if we only let go of our human egos and realize the gifts God wants to give us rather than focusing on the embarrassment of saying our sins out loud. I find it fascinating to hear the objections others have to the sacrament. Many times they think they can just confess their sins to God directly and avoid going through a priest. But the priest isn’t there to make a checklist to hand to God, he’s there in the person of Christ. For me it means that Jesus is using the priest as His ears to hear what I say and His mouth to give me absolution. Not only that, when I humble myself to express my sins out loud to the priest, I have already taken the first step toward reconciling with God.  

When we stop struggling and let God in and ask for His forgiveness and help, our relationship is healed. The postures and environment reflect what is happening in the sacrament. Usually the Church is quite silent, mirroring the stillness we have reached. While there are many different types of confessionals, I’m most familiar with the kind that looks like a small closet with  a door that the penitent enters. A screen prevents the priest from seeing the penitent and the penitent can’t see the priest—he has his own door and his own cubicle and there is only that screen to connect the two. Usually, there isn’t much light in the penitent’s part of the confessional. One would  kneel on the kneeler in front of the screen to confess and  to receive the sacrament. Walking into that darkened room feels like walking into my darkened soul, but I am not there to hide in the shadows. The gentle light that filters through the screen is like the light of God beckoning me to come closer. Like being in a shower, I usually close my eyes and let God’s mercy wash over me as the priest says, “And I absolve you from your sins…” After receiving the sacrament, when I open the door and the light floods in, it is just like what God’s grace and mercy have done to my soul in the sacrament. As I walk into the light of the Church, it’s like I’m walking back into the light of Christ. This is when my tears of repentance become tears of joy.

Catholic Girl Journey

Take Action

“Repent, and believe in the gospel.” (Mk 1:15)

In many books I’ve read about Catholicism, this point is emphasized by many different writers. It speaks of faith as a concrete and conscious decision. The mercy of God does not give us the license to do whatever we want. Rather, we are invited to choose to believe and to change our attitudes and behaviors accordingly.

The passage above from the beginning of Mark’s gospel is the proclamation that Jesus makes as he enters Galilee after the arrest of John the Baptist. He is calling for people to take action, to take a look at their life and to make changes. The change required is action based on belief in the good news that Jesus preached. I’ve heard it said that when you listen to Jesus’ message, you cannot take it lightly. You need to decide for yourself if He is a liar, a lunatic or the Son of God. He preached that God loves you, but He also said that you need to love everyone as you love yourself. So do you smile lovingly when someone cuts in front of you on the highway? It’s not as simple as it sounds. Jesus’ actions during His time on earth are examples for us to follow today. They are not suggestions, but rather illustrations of what our behavior should be. Do we take up our crosses daily and follow Jesus?

It’s very easy to be faithful when it emotionally feels good. But often the moment of truth is when difficulties arise. Sometimes we can stand tall, but do we also pat ourselves on the back for doing so? When we fall short of living a life based on the gospel, do we take ownership for our mistakes, acknowledging them and repenting once again?

The journey of faith is one day at a time. We may not see the progress we are making when we look forward.  Rarely can we can see how far we have come, or how far we need to go. We should not think of difficult times as a test that we need to pass or fail. Consider them an opportunity to practice our commitment to live the gospel. Regardless of the ups and downs along the way, the direction should  always be forward; to continue to seek God by choosing to live a life according to God’s plan.

Catholic Girl Journey

Learning to Love God

When I first heard the Jars of Clay song, Love Song for a Savior, I was confused. The refrain contains the line, “I want to fall in love with You.” My confusion came from listening to that song with a secular ear. How can a person fall in love with God? There is no courtship, no dating, no hanging out with God the Father, Jesus or the Holy Spirit. I liked the song and it’s an easy, catchy tune that I found myself singing.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church states in the very first paragraph, “He [God] calls man to seek him, to know him, to love him with all of his strength.” We are called to love God, and I thought I did love Him until I heard that song. I realized that to me, God was like another member of the family; I had to love Him, because that’s what I was supposed to do. I didn’t necessarily choose to do so, but just expected that of myself. Hearing the lyrics of the song made me start to wonder how a person could fall in love with God.

During my searching for an answer, I came across the definition of love described by Fr. (now bishop-elect) Robert Barron: “Love is willing the good of the other.” If God is all-good and all-loving how can I will the good of Him? Precisely because He is all-good and all-loving, God only wants the best for us. He knows that left to our own devices, we would fall into chaos. He gave us His commandments, not because He wants to be mean and limiting, but for our benefit. For example, “Remember to keep holy the Sabbath day.” (Exodus 20:8), is not meant for God’s benefit, but that we as humans interacting in the physical world, take the time to seek a spiritual relationship with God, whom we know in a spiritual world. Even Jesus says, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” (John 14:15).

So how can we fall in love with God by keeping His commandments? In some respects, it’s not thinking of command as being an order or demand, but rather something that is a choice happily made. As an example I’ll go back to the third commandment. Rather than considering it a burden, or trying to “schedule” Mass so that it’s convenient for us on Sunday, how about planning nothing but going to Mass as the first thing in the day? Let the Spirit move you through the rest of the day. It may be a great exercise even if it’s not realistic in the long run. Try it, for a few weeks.  Perhaps it will be the jumpstart needed to learn to love the commandments. This sort of openness to the Spirit calls for a change of attitude, a change that we have to be willing to make. But even though it is our free will to make the change, we can always ask God to help and support us in our efforts. And someday we may find ourselves saying, “I want to fall in love with You.”

Catholic Girl Journey

Seek Him First

Priorities. We all have a way of putting things in a particular order, from the way we get up in the morning, to the way we schedule our days, to the way we determine the activities we can and will do. We can say we make God a priority, and sometimes we do, by going to Mass at an extra early hour or by finding a Church when on vacation. But what about seeking God first?

In Matthew 6:25-34, Jesus gives us the directive not to be anxious, ending in the familiar “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all of these things shall be yours as well.”  These things refer to food and clothing in the passage, but perhaps there are other necessities that fill up our to do lists.  I’ve been thinking about what it really means to seek God first, since I do think I make Him a priority. And over many months of small observations (this is definitely a journey), it has occurred to me that it’s in the way we approach choices at a very basic level. I listened to my parents ask my niece who was a senior in high school, “what do you want to do after college?” I felt like asking her “what does God want you to do after college?”

In my own life I’ve been wondering about my job and whether or not I should be looking for a new position. Given the length of service with the company, it makes it easy to be lazy and stay. Looking for something new means I need to know what I want and that presents a question. What am I looking for? Even in my prayers I found myself asking God what I should do. I knew I needed His help to make a good decision. But I began to realize I was only looking from my perspective, it was all about what I wanted, what I’m interested in, me-me-me. So I had to ask the question differently: what does God want me to do? I have also observed from learning about the lives of various saints, that you don’t ask that question lightly, you need to be truly open to the response. It really takes your relationship with God to a different level, making Him more than just number one in a list of priorities.

To many this may seem like a no-brainer, but to others this is totally overwhelming. The journey of faith is as unique as each individual. While God has given us all special talents and abilities, offering them back to Him to use as He pleases is one way of seeking the kingdom of God first.

Catholic Girl Journey

Walking on Water

St. Peter has become an important role model for me. You can see his journey of faith through the Gospels and Acts: from a sinner fisherman to the bold leader of the apostles.

My favorite passage is the one where Peter tries to walk to Jesus on the water (Matthew 14:22-33). So many focus on the fact that Peter had to cry out for Jesus when he began to sink.  “You of little faith,” Jesus said,” why did you doubt?” I’m not one to argue with God, but I like to look at the boldness of Peter. He asked Jesus to command him to walk on the water, then Peter actually got out of the boat! So let’s just stop a minute and think about this. The wind is blowing strongly, the water is thrashing about and the boat is rocking enough to make seasoned fishermen fear for their lives. Would YOU step out on the water?

Peter not only stepped out of the boat, but he started to walk to Jesus. Walking on water! How fantastic and frightening that must have been. But Peter starts to sink. Why? Did he realize what he was doing? Did his focus shift from walking to Jesus to realizing that this was a miracle? Did he recognize his sinfulness in the midst of what Jesus was allowing him to do?  Did he focus on the storm instead of on Jesus?There can be a lot of suppositions about this, but the most important thing was that he called out for help, not to the others in the boat where there were probably ropes and oars that could help in a material sense. He called out to Jesus – not just for help but to be saved.

I’ve walked on water twice, but it was frozen–once on the frozen Arctic Ocean and once on a glacier during a helicopter excursion. The experience is very surreal in a world of white ice and snow. But the water was firm and solid, nothing that would make me think there would be any movement. If I were in the same situation as Peter, I think my reaction might be to cling to whatever piece of wood that I could, craving that stability of earth. But Jesus does not want us to cling to what we know, he calls us to walk to Him, to walk on the water to Him. Our daily lives might not require walking on actual water, but sometimes it can be a metaphor for the challenges in our lives. How many times do we step out of the boat in faith? How many times do we have the courage to walk on the water toward Jesus? How many times do we call out for Him to save us? Andt how many times do we doubt that He can? Jesus, I believe in You; help my unbelief!

Catholic Girl Journey

A Story in a Story

“So what’s the game plan?” I’ve heard (and said) on many occasions, but it was never anything regarding a sporting event.  People who have never been professional racers use, “I need to make a pit stop” when they have an errand to complete during their travel from point A to point B. How many of us play “Monday morning quarterback” when we offer our thoughts on how we would have done something differently?

These analogies are familiar to us, yet most of us do not play the sport referenced in our saying.  We may not even follow that sport. I have never watched a racing event, yet I know what a pit stop is, and I’ve used that saying. I may not understand the specific dynamics of the offense versus the defense in football, but I can generally understand the analogies when they are mentioned because the sport is part of our culture. We use these sayings all the time, and as long as people understand the culture, they can understand what we mean. I’m sure in other foreign countries, there are also unique sayings that although composed of familiar words, may not make any sense to us.

Jesus understood this and used parables to teach about the kingdom of God. Our human limitations allow us to only partially begin to understand the divine kingdom. To help us comprehend, Jesus compared it to things we know and understand. Sheep and shepherding were common in His time, and even if the people themselves were not raising sheep, they either knew someone who did, or had enough dealings with sheep that they could understand the references He was making. I have occasionally attended the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival to purchase fiber, tools, and wheels for spinning yarn. While at the Festival, I have had plenty of time to observe sheep. I’ve seen a sheep crane her neck out of a pen to munch a particular flower – even though the pen was set up over many of the same flowers. My first inclination was to smile and think, “what a silly sheep,” but after hearing the various parables about sheep, I’ve started to see how my actions are similar to those of that sheep: not happy with what I have and straining elsewhere to try and get it.

We hear parables often during the Gospel at Mass, but because times have changed since then, some of those stories can be hard for us to fully appreciate. It’s all too easy to say “I don’t understand therefore it’s not important to me.” I’ve often wondered what sort of sport Jesus would use in telling his parables today and if I would be able to understand them better? Maybe the parables are given to us to make us think a bit more about the story and to remember the point more easily.  When you encounter a difficult parable, it helps to ask Jesus in prayer what He meant. Perhaps these stories are to instigate a deeper relationship with God by drawing the listener in little by little as the story is pondered and prayed about, calling us to use the experiences in our daily lives to go deeper the next time we hear that story. And maybe someday we will see the story of the kingdom of God unfolding  from the everyday because of the framework provided by Jesus’ parable.

Catholic Girl Journey

The Healing Touch of God

In a prayer he composed to recite before saying Mass,  St. Thomas Aquinas says he comes, “as one infirm to the physician of life.” One doesn’t necessarily think that a saint would be infirm or sick, especially approaching Mass. Yet that is what we all are, since we are all sinners.

Sickness, disease and wounds have all been physical metaphors for sin. There are numerous Psalms (6 & 32 come to mind) that speak of physical ailments and call for God to heal the soul. But in this age of modern medicine and technology, can this metaphor be maintained? Actually, I think it may even enhance the way we look at sin and the struggle we have against it.

God is the Divine Physician, but healing may not come overnight.  Sometimes, it’s a lifelong process or “treatment” like for someone who has high blood pressure. It needs to be monitored, and medication and diet changes may be needed to keep it under control. For other sins, God may need to do a bit of “surgery” on us that could leave some scars. It takes time to heal after surgery and for the scars to lessen, but they may not ever really go away. In a way, those scars can remind us of the pain and suffering a particular sin caused and help us better avoid it in the future. And other sins can be like overindulging in food; we can’t avoid it since it is necessary to live, but we can be on guard of the temptation to eat too much.

A sin can be both simple and complex. It’s all too easy to look at the 10 commandments superficially and say that you follow them all. But take a closer look, and they go much deeper than just the words. For example, “You shall not kill,” is not just about not taking a life, but about being life-giving, treating people with  the respect and dignity they deserve as children of God. It’s also about forgiving those who may have injured us.

Jesus once answered the Pharisees by saying, “Those who are well do not need a physician but the sick do. I did not come to call the righteous but sinners.” (Mark 2:17). Jesus is calling us, you and me. He wants us! He wants to heal us. He want to forgive our sins and tell us, “do not sin again.” (John 8:11) But in order for that to happen, we need to present our sins to Him, admitting the bad habits and ugliness of our lives. Only then, can we get the medicine, the treatment or the surgery that our souls need in order to live in Christ.

Catholic Girl Journey

One Step on the Journey

Image at Nashville CathedralIt was a very special occasion. Besides his attire, he looked no different than you or I. But he has been marked by God. As for me, it was all chance (or God’s design) that I happen to be there. If it hadn’t been for the announcement prior to the celebration, I would have never known.

Work had brought me to Tennessee, so I extended my trip to see a bit of Nashville, scheduling in Mass at the Cathedral of the Incarnation. I was excited to see what would be different. That’s one of the fun things about going to Mass when traveling, each church does things just a bit differently. Sometimes it’s the music and sometimes it’s the way you’re greeted or a special prayer that is said before Mass starts. I had no idea it would be such a special celebration. It was the first Sunday Mass of Father Andrew Bulso and only  the second in his ministry. He had been ordained just the Friday before.

Beautiful. Both the Mass and cathedral. I think what amazed me most, is that just three days prior, Fr. Bulso did not possess the ability that he had that day, to say Mass and to consecrate bread and wine into the Most Precious Body and Blood of Jesus. Through the imposition of hands and the anointing by the bishop, Fr. Bulso had become a priest marked by God. The priesthood is a gift Jesus gave the Church to continue His mission of bringing the kingdom of God to us. Although it was not my parish, it reminded me that tomorrow’s priests come from our church family of today. We may not know who they will be, but they are among us.

Holy Orders confers an indelible mark on the soul; it cannot be seen, but it changes the individual. While the preparation for the ordination does take years of study, it is a moment in time that changes the person. Much like the Last Supper for the Apostles, the time spent learning at the feet of Jesus prepared them for that night when He instituted both the Eucharist and Holy Orders. Jesus gave his priests  the ability to feed His Church, both in Word and deed. It continues down to our day, as each bishop ordains the priests, who may one day become bishops and repeat the process.

There are men in our parishes and dioceses who are called to this most unique vocation. So say a prayer they will be open to God’s call. Say a prayer for those who have answered and are in formation for the priesthood. And say a prayer of thanksgiving for priests  who celebrate Mass, from their first to their 20,000th and beyond; for each one is just one step on the journey of faith.

Catholic Girl Journey

Standing for Faith

Be bold. Be Catholic.® That is the motto at Dynamic Catholic, a lay organization whose mission is to re-evangelize Catholics in their faith. I’ve often wondered what that could entail, as I am a very shy person and talking about my faith to strangers does not come easily. However, to be a bold Catholic does not mean you need to preach on the street corners, but rather to be bold enough to stand up for the faith in the every day.

I was at dinner with colleagues from work and the conversation turned toward our education. When I mentioned that I had 16 years of Catholic schooling, one colleague said he could commiserate and that he was “recovering” as well. Quite honestly I was shocked and somehow my response was, “I’m not recovering from anything. My education has made me the person I am; I’m happy to be a Catholic.” I don’t know if he was joking or or trying to be funny, but it was then that I realized how important it is to stand up for the faith. It’s one thing to make a joke about the exercise one gets participating in a Mass with all the standing/sitting/kneeling. It’s quite another to compare Catholic education to a bad habit that one needs to learn how to overcome.

In Luke 5:9-11. Jesus calls the first disciples, Simon Peter and Andrew, by telling them, “Do not be afraid; henceforth you will be catching men.” When we are faced with awkward situations, we need to lean on the Holy Spirit, as the first disciples did when standing strong for the faith. We do not know how the Holy Spirit could use our witness to the spiritual betterment of another. It’s not our job to convert someone, but our job to be a faithful witness to allow for the conversion. It could be as simple as blessing oneself before a meal in a restaurant. It could be objecting to the use of Jesus Christ as a profanity alternative. Or it could be taking pride in the Catholic faith you confess. Others won’t learn to respect the Catholic faith unless we Catholics demonstrate our respect  first. And that is what is standing up for the faith is all about.