relationship with God

Catholic Girl Journey

Learning to Love God

When I first heard the Jars of Clay song, Love Song for a Savior, I was confused. The refrain contains the line, “I want to fall in love with You.” My confusion came from listening to that song with a secular ear. How can a person fall in love with God? There is no courtship, no dating, no hanging out with God the Father, Jesus or the Holy Spirit. I liked the song and it’s an easy, catchy tune that I found myself singing.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church states in the very first paragraph, “He [God] calls man to seek him, to know him, to love him with all of his strength.” We are called to love God, and I thought I did love Him until I heard that song. I realized that to me, God was like another member of the family; I had to love Him, because that’s what I was supposed to do. I didn’t necessarily choose to do so, but just expected that of myself. Hearing the lyrics of the song made me start to wonder how a person could fall in love with God.

During my searching for an answer, I came across the definition of love described by Fr. (now bishop-elect) Robert Barron: “Love is willing the good of the other.” If God is all-good and all-loving how can I will the good of Him? Precisely because He is all-good and all-loving, God only wants the best for us. He knows that left to our own devices, we would fall into chaos. He gave us His commandments, not because He wants to be mean and limiting, but for our benefit. For example, “Remember to keep holy the Sabbath day.” (Exodus 20:8), is not meant for God’s benefit, but that we as humans interacting in the physical world, take the time to seek a spiritual relationship with God, whom we know in a spiritual world. Even Jesus says, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” (John 14:15).

So how can we fall in love with God by keeping His commandments? In some respects, it’s not thinking of command as being an order or demand, but rather something that is a choice happily made. As an example I’ll go back to the third commandment. Rather than considering it a burden, or trying to “schedule” Mass so that it’s convenient for us on Sunday, how about planning nothing but going to Mass as the first thing in the day? Let the Spirit move you through the rest of the day. It may be a great exercise even if it’s not realistic in the long run. Try it, for a few weeks.  Perhaps it will be the jumpstart needed to learn to love the commandments. This sort of openness to the Spirit calls for a change of attitude, a change that we have to be willing to make. But even though it is our free will to make the change, we can always ask God to help and support us in our efforts. And someday we may find ourselves saying, “I want to fall in love with You.”

Catholic Girl Journey

Seek Him First

Priorities. We all have a way of putting things in a particular order, from the way we get up in the morning, to the way we schedule our days, to the way we determine the activities we can and will do. We can say we make God a priority, and sometimes we do, by going to Mass at an extra early hour or by finding a Church when on vacation. But what about seeking God first?

In Matthew 6:25-34, Jesus gives us the directive not to be anxious, ending in the familiar “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all of these things shall be yours as well.”  These things refer to food and clothing in the passage, but perhaps there are other necessities that fill up our to do lists.  I’ve been thinking about what it really means to seek God first, since I do think I make Him a priority. And over many months of small observations (this is definitely a journey), it has occurred to me that it’s in the way we approach choices at a very basic level. I listened to my parents ask my niece who was a senior in high school, “what do you want to do after college?” I felt like asking her “what does God want you to do after college?”

In my own life I’ve been wondering about my job and whether or not I should be looking for a new position. Given the length of service with the company, it makes it easy to be lazy and stay. Looking for something new means I need to know what I want and that presents a question. What am I looking for? Even in my prayers I found myself asking God what I should do. I knew I needed His help to make a good decision. But I began to realize I was only looking from my perspective, it was all about what I wanted, what I’m interested in, me-me-me. So I had to ask the question differently: what does God want me to do? I have also observed from learning about the lives of various saints, that you don’t ask that question lightly, you need to be truly open to the response. It really takes your relationship with God to a different level, making Him more than just number one in a list of priorities.

To many this may seem like a no-brainer, but to others this is totally overwhelming. The journey of faith is as unique as each individual. While God has given us all special talents and abilities, offering them back to Him to use as He pleases is one way of seeking the kingdom of God first.

Catholic Girl Journey

Walking on Water

St. Peter has become an important role model for me. You can see his journey of faith through the Gospels and Acts: from a sinner fisherman to the bold leader of the apostles.

My favorite passage is the one where Peter tries to walk to Jesus on the water (Matthew 14:22-33). So many focus on the fact that Peter had to cry out for Jesus when he began to sink.  “You of little faith,” Jesus said,” why did you doubt?” I’m not one to argue with God, but I like to look at the boldness of Peter. He asked Jesus to command him to walk on the water, then Peter actually got out of the boat! So let’s just stop a minute and think about this. The wind is blowing strongly, the water is thrashing about and the boat is rocking enough to make seasoned fishermen fear for their lives. Would YOU step out on the water?

Peter not only stepped out of the boat, but he started to walk to Jesus. Walking on water! How fantastic and frightening that must have been. But Peter starts to sink. Why? Did he realize what he was doing? Did his focus shift from walking to Jesus to realizing that this was a miracle? Did he recognize his sinfulness in the midst of what Jesus was allowing him to do?  Did he focus on the storm instead of on Jesus?There can be a lot of suppositions about this, but the most important thing was that he called out for help, not to the others in the boat where there were probably ropes and oars that could help in a material sense. He called out to Jesus – not just for help but to be saved.

I’ve walked on water twice, but it was frozen–once on the frozen Arctic Ocean and once on a glacier during a helicopter excursion. The experience is very surreal in a world of white ice and snow. But the water was firm and solid, nothing that would make me think there would be any movement. If I were in the same situation as Peter, I think my reaction might be to cling to whatever piece of wood that I could, craving that stability of earth. But Jesus does not want us to cling to what we know, he calls us to walk to Him, to walk on the water to Him. Our daily lives might not require walking on actual water, but sometimes it can be a metaphor for the challenges in our lives. How many times do we step out of the boat in faith? How many times do we have the courage to walk on the water toward Jesus? How many times do we call out for Him to save us? Andt how many times do we doubt that He can? Jesus, I believe in You; help my unbelief!

Catholic Girl Journey

A Story in a Story

“So what’s the game plan?” I’ve heard (and said) on many occasions, but it was never anything regarding a sporting event.  People who have never been professional racers use, “I need to make a pit stop” when they have an errand to complete during their travel from point A to point B. How many of us play “Monday morning quarterback” when we offer our thoughts on how we would have done something differently?

These analogies are familiar to us, yet most of us do not play the sport referenced in our saying.  We may not even follow that sport. I have never watched a racing event, yet I know what a pit stop is, and I’ve used that saying. I may not understand the specific dynamics of the offense versus the defense in football, but I can generally understand the analogies when they are mentioned because the sport is part of our culture. We use these sayings all the time, and as long as people understand the culture, they can understand what we mean. I’m sure in other foreign countries, there are also unique sayings that although composed of familiar words, may not make any sense to us.

Jesus understood this and used parables to teach about the kingdom of God. Our human limitations allow us to only partially begin to understand the divine kingdom. To help us comprehend, Jesus compared it to things we know and understand. Sheep and shepherding were common in His time, and even if the people themselves were not raising sheep, they either knew someone who did, or had enough dealings with sheep that they could understand the references He was making. I have occasionally attended the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival to purchase fiber, tools, and wheels for spinning yarn. While at the Festival, I have had plenty of time to observe sheep. I’ve seen a sheep crane her neck out of a pen to munch a particular flower – even though the pen was set up over many of the same flowers. My first inclination was to smile and think, “what a silly sheep,” but after hearing the various parables about sheep, I’ve started to see how my actions are similar to those of that sheep: not happy with what I have and straining elsewhere to try and get it.

We hear parables often during the Gospel at Mass, but because times have changed since then, some of those stories can be hard for us to fully appreciate. It’s all too easy to say “I don’t understand therefore it’s not important to me.” I’ve often wondered what sort of sport Jesus would use in telling his parables today and if I would be able to understand them better? Maybe the parables are given to us to make us think a bit more about the story and to remember the point more easily.  When you encounter a difficult parable, it helps to ask Jesus in prayer what He meant. Perhaps these stories are to instigate a deeper relationship with God by drawing the listener in little by little as the story is pondered and prayed about, calling us to use the experiences in our daily lives to go deeper the next time we hear that story. And maybe someday we will see the story of the kingdom of God unfolding  from the everyday because of the framework provided by Jesus’ parable.

Catholic Girl Journey

The Healing Touch of God

In a prayer he composed to recite before saying Mass,  St. Thomas Aquinas says he comes, “as one infirm to the physician of life.” One doesn’t necessarily think that a saint would be infirm or sick, especially approaching Mass. Yet that is what we all are, since we are all sinners.

Sickness, disease and wounds have all been physical metaphors for sin. There are numerous Psalms (6 & 32 come to mind) that speak of physical ailments and call for God to heal the soul. But in this age of modern medicine and technology, can this metaphor be maintained? Actually, I think it may even enhance the way we look at sin and the struggle we have against it.

God is the Divine Physician, but healing may not come overnight.  Sometimes, it’s a lifelong process or “treatment” like for someone who has high blood pressure. It needs to be monitored, and medication and diet changes may be needed to keep it under control. For other sins, God may need to do a bit of “surgery” on us that could leave some scars. It takes time to heal after surgery and for the scars to lessen, but they may not ever really go away. In a way, those scars can remind us of the pain and suffering a particular sin caused and help us better avoid it in the future. And other sins can be like overindulging in food; we can’t avoid it since it is necessary to live, but we can be on guard of the temptation to eat too much.

A sin can be both simple and complex. It’s all too easy to look at the 10 commandments superficially and say that you follow them all. But take a closer look, and they go much deeper than just the words. For example, “You shall not kill,” is not just about not taking a life, but about being life-giving, treating people with  the respect and dignity they deserve as children of God. It’s also about forgiving those who may have injured us.

Jesus once answered the Pharisees by saying, “Those who are well do not need a physician but the sick do. I did not come to call the righteous but sinners.” (Mark 2:17). Jesus is calling us, you and me. He wants us! He wants to heal us. He want to forgive our sins and tell us, “do not sin again.” (John 8:11) But in order for that to happen, we need to present our sins to Him, admitting the bad habits and ugliness of our lives. Only then, can we get the medicine, the treatment or the surgery that our souls need in order to live in Christ.

Catholic Girl Journey

One Step on the Journey

Image at Nashville CathedralIt was a very special occasion. Besides his attire, he looked no different than you or I. But he has been marked by God. As for me, it was all chance (or God’s design) that I happen to be there. If it hadn’t been for the announcement prior to the celebration, I would have never known.

Work had brought me to Tennessee, so I extended my trip to see a bit of Nashville, scheduling in Mass at the Cathedral of the Incarnation. I was excited to see what would be different. That’s one of the fun things about going to Mass when traveling, each church does things just a bit differently. Sometimes it’s the music and sometimes it’s the way you’re greeted or a special prayer that is said before Mass starts. I had no idea it would be such a special celebration. It was the first Sunday Mass of Father Andrew Bulso and only  the second in his ministry. He had been ordained just the Friday before.

Beautiful. Both the Mass and cathedral. I think what amazed me most, is that just three days prior, Fr. Bulso did not possess the ability that he had that day, to say Mass and to consecrate bread and wine into the Most Precious Body and Blood of Jesus. Through the imposition of hands and the anointing by the bishop, Fr. Bulso had become a priest marked by God. The priesthood is a gift Jesus gave the Church to continue His mission of bringing the kingdom of God to us. Although it was not my parish, it reminded me that tomorrow’s priests come from our church family of today. We may not know who they will be, but they are among us.

Holy Orders confers an indelible mark on the soul; it cannot be seen, but it changes the individual. While the preparation for the ordination does take years of study, it is a moment in time that changes the person. Much like the Last Supper for the Apostles, the time spent learning at the feet of Jesus prepared them for that night when He instituted both the Eucharist and Holy Orders. Jesus gave his priests  the ability to feed His Church, both in Word and deed. It continues down to our day, as each bishop ordains the priests, who may one day become bishops and repeat the process.

There are men in our parishes and dioceses who are called to this most unique vocation. So say a prayer they will be open to God’s call. Say a prayer for those who have answered and are in formation for the priesthood. And say a prayer of thanksgiving for priests  who celebrate Mass, from their first to their 20,000th and beyond; for each one is just one step on the journey of faith.

Catholic Girl Journey

Standing for Faith

Be bold. Be Catholic.® That is the motto at Dynamic Catholic, a lay organization whose mission is to re-evangelize Catholics in their faith. I’ve often wondered what that could entail, as I am a very shy person and talking about my faith to strangers does not come easily. However, to be a bold Catholic does not mean you need to preach on the street corners, but rather to be bold enough to stand up for the faith in the every day.

I was at dinner with colleagues from work and the conversation turned toward our education. When I mentioned that I had 16 years of Catholic schooling, one colleague said he could commiserate and that he was “recovering” as well. Quite honestly I was shocked and somehow my response was, “I’m not recovering from anything. My education has made me the person I am; I’m happy to be a Catholic.” I don’t know if he was joking or or trying to be funny, but it was then that I realized how important it is to stand up for the faith. It’s one thing to make a joke about the exercise one gets participating in a Mass with all the standing/sitting/kneeling. It’s quite another to compare Catholic education to a bad habit that one needs to learn how to overcome.

In Luke 5:9-11. Jesus calls the first disciples, Simon Peter and Andrew, by telling them, “Do not be afraid; henceforth you will be catching men.” When we are faced with awkward situations, we need to lean on the Holy Spirit, as the first disciples did when standing strong for the faith. We do not know how the Holy Spirit could use our witness to the spiritual betterment of another. It’s not our job to convert someone, but our job to be a faithful witness to allow for the conversion. It could be as simple as blessing oneself before a meal in a restaurant. It could be objecting to the use of Jesus Christ as a profanity alternative. Or it could be taking pride in the Catholic faith you confess. Others won’t learn to respect the Catholic faith unless we Catholics demonstrate our respect  first. And that is what is standing up for the faith is all about.

Catholic Girl Journey

The Grace of Confession

Once as a child, I was sick on my birthday. Cards that were sent from my extended family were brought to me, and one unopened one got mixed with the empty envelopes. It was discovered only as they were being torn in two before being thrown away. I was very happy that it was noticed, as it contained a five-dollar bill. While five dollars might not mean as much now, to a young child many years ago, I was upset that it could have been trashed.

The sacrament of confession is a lot like those birthday cards, it is the delivery method of something special, the grace of God. I think that gets forgotten by many Catholics. Often they go before Christmas and Easter because they think that’s when they are supposed to go. Maybe they don’t go at all if it’s not convenient. But that’s just like throwing the gift of God’s grace away.

No one is perfect, God knows that, so he gave us the wonderful sacrament of healing. Confession is work; one must prepare by examining all they have thought, said, done, or failed to do. But the fruit of that labor is not just to apologize to God and ask for His forgiveness, but to seek to avoid those sins that are confessed. It can be frustrating to confess the same sin time after time, but each time we receive the grace to help avoid that sin either for a longer time or lessen the impact when we do commit it. While it may seem that we’re not making progress, we are actually being “spiritually strengthened” (Catechism of the Catholic Church 1496) and should take comfort and peace that we have been reconciled with God and the Church.

In my parish, there is a priest available each week, however according to the Catechism, priests  “must make themselves available to celebrate this sacrament each time Christians reasonably ask for it” (CCC 1464). While confession is needed for someone who has committed a mortal sin in order to participate in the other sacraments, the graces are available to all as often as they celebrate this sacrament. And to be healed by God is something to celebrate!

Catholic Girl Journey

Glory Be to God

I was once asked what my favorite prayer was. I had to think about it, but my answer ended up: The Glory Be. Some may think it’s because it is so short. Others may think it’s because it provides the opportunity to both praise and ponder the Glory and Eternity of God. But really, I like it  because it gives praise to God as Trinity: Father, Son and Spirit.

The Trinity is one of those mysteries of the Catholic faith that we humans can never fully understand with our finite brains. I think most of us have an idea about it that makes sense to us, either that or we just don’t think about it much. While I am no different than others in my lack of true understanding, what I can appreciate is God is one in three persons.  The Catechism tells us that the divine persons do not share the one divinity among themselves but each of them is God whole and entire.

Prayer is a conversation with God, so when you pray, who do you talk to? Do you pray to God the Father? Praying the Our Father is exactly that. How about praying to His Son, Jesus? Well if you hear the priest at Mass, most prayers are “through Jesus Christ,” and are offered on your behalf, so it’s as  if you said it yourself. But how about the Holy Spirit? While there are a few prayers out there for the Holy Spirit, the Spirit is not invoked as often in prayer.That is why I like the Glory Be, because it does include the Holy Spirit.

I like to use the comparison of speaking to another person. If you know someone who is a fan of a certain sports team, even if you don’t like the sport or the team, you would still inquire about that interest, because it’s important to that person. It’s the same way with God.  Sure, you can focus your attention on one of the Persons of the Trinity, but wouldn’t the relationship go deeper if you recognized all of the Persons?

The Glory Be is so simple, but it speaks volumes. It praises God in all 3 Persons and acknowledges this glory across time: in the beginning, now and evermore. How amazing is it, that we can pray these words and express what remains a mystery to us.

Catholic Girl Journey

Are You Mary or Martha?

I must admit, when faced with the question of whom I am the most like, I have to say I feel I’m more like Martha.

In this age of self-help and you can do anything you want to do, it is very easy to fall into the lure of control. While I know I can’t control everything, I do have a tendency to want things to go a certain way. It’s more than making choices, but trying to making the choices that will lead to what I want. As one who enjoys cooking and baking, I can sympathize when Martha asks Jesus to make Mary help her out (Lk 10:40). After all, she wants things to be just right for Him. Wouldn’t Jesus have asked Mary to help Martha if it was His will, even without Martha asking? I don’t think Martha realized than she was ordering God to do something for her so that her will might be done. How often have I prayed for things of that nature? Oh, just every time I go on a long trip, it’s: “God please see me safely there without incident.” While I don’t think anyone would actually pray for something to go wrong, I think the prayer should be modified to include, “as long as it is Your will.”

For Mary,  the food prep and serving would  always be there, but  she must have known that Jesus would not. Instead of being anxious about tasks, she sat  at Jesus’ feet and listened. Anxiety is the fear of not being in control. How can I be more like Mary and less anxious about things? By sitting at the feet of Jesus and giving over my concerns to Him and, most importantly, listening. I do try to turn things over to God, but then I start to wonder how situations will play out, or how I should prepare myself, and the old anxiety creeps in. It is important to recognize that and to always try. I know Jesus will always be there for me and with me in every situation.

How much more can my life be stress free if I turn everything over to Jesus? It doesn’t mean not planning things, otherwise nothing would get done. It’s more about planning and then turning the actual events/situations over to Jesus to watch over and guide me when the unexpected occurs. Sometimes it’s in the detours of life that the greatest blessings come.