Practice losing control

Since I live alone, I’m responsible for everything in my home and in my life: cleaning, cooking, laundry, where to go, when to go, what to do, etc..They’re all my decisions (or sometimes indecisions). However, I often feel that I don’t “let go and let God” work in my life. I know He’s there, and I know He does, but sometimes I feel like I’m getting in the way. Lately, I’ve had the feeling that I needed to practice losing control, to totally not make any decisions, but to be open to what comes my way. How does one practice that? In my case, I decided to go on a “mystery tour.”

The mystery tour was sponsored by AAA and consisted of 5 days of travel. I only knew where to meet the tour group. We were given one or two clues for each day, and a general sense of what type of clothing to pack, but that was it. The tour was Wednesday through Sunday, and I had no idea if I was going to be able to attend Sunday Mass. This was totally outside of my comfort zone.

After I booked the trip, I enjoyed seeing people’s reactions when I told them I didn’t know where I was going on vacation. As the day grew closer, trepidation set in. It was hard for me to pack, since I didn’t know if I was going to places where stylish clothes would be appropriate or if we were going to be more casual.  I began to feel that I didn’t want to go. I had a knot in the middle of my stomach. I was afraid.

I had a million questions, but only asked a few to the AAA escort, who would smile and say, “You’ll see.” It was so hard to put my mind at rest and not question. After traveling and a bit of sightseeing on the way to our destination, the Finger Lakes region of New York state, as much as I enjoyed it, I so wanted to know what was next. It took another day or so, before I really started to relax and realize that each place I went, I enjoyed. If I had previous knowledge of what the tour was, I don’t know if I would have chosen it, but I’m glad I went. There were so many different places we visited; they seemed to appeal just a little to everyone. And the most important lesson was learning how to stop wondering and just enjoy where I was; to live in the moment.

It was not until Saturday evening when I heard the time of our departure, that I realized I may have an opportunity to go to Mass. After a few quick searches on my mobile phone, I found a church nearby that had a Mass at a time I could attend. I had my own little adventure within the trip, as I needed to arrange for a taxi to take me to church and back. I did have a concern that I would be late for the departure, but I focused on what I had to do, go to Mass and meet the taxi at the appointed time. It all worked out.

Now that I’ve returned to my daily routine, my challenge is to put the practice of “letting go” in my spiritual life and hoping for another successful “tour.”

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