relationship with God

Catholic Girl Journey

Good…better…best

Have you ever had one of those days when your best just didn’t seem good enough? You then start to think that what you’re doing isn’t the best you can do. Sometimes that’s true, if you average out against your whole life. But at the moment, it’s all you can do.

Lent seems to bring those days more often, perhaps because we are paying attention to what we are doing. At the very least, one needs to pay attention to the day of the week, so that meat is not consumed on Fridays. For me, I’ve expanded my no-chocolate-eating days during Lent from three last year to four this year, and in doing so, I’ve changed the days I allow myself to have a treat. It makes me stop and think, more than just the day of the week and not so much ‘can I eat this’ but ‘should I eat this.’ I’ve found myself thinking that I should be fasting more and pondering how can I do better with almsgiving. Perhaps this is to help prepare me for next year’s Lent, but for now, it’s only serving anxiety that my best is not good enough.

Taking a deep look at ourselves, our actions  and attitudes is a good thing and can help us see areas that we need to cultivate and grow stronger. It’s not meant to deflate what we are doing because it is not “enough”. However, God loves us just as we are in this very moment, warts and all. In our moments when we’d like to say, “I just can’t do this anymore,” we need to remember the cross. Jesus conquered when He gave His life for us on the cross. But our struggles have merit too, especially when we offer them up to be combined with Jesus’ suffering. While it may not be our personal best, we can offer our challenges as a small good thing to be multiplied beyond what our personal best could provide.

Jesus tells the story of the persistent widow and the unrighteous judge, who eventually provides a just ruling because of the widow’s continuous pleading. (Luke 18:1-8) While this particular story is primarily about praying constantly, it can serve as a reminder that we always need to give our best, even when it seems lacking.  

Catholic Girl Journey

Sign of the Cross

For many years, I thought of the Sign of the Cross as something I said before and after my prayers, but never considered it a prayer by itself. After all, Mass starts and ends with it, but it’s what is between the start and end that counts, right? When we declare, “In the name…,” it’s like we are saying that everything that will happen or has just happened is to be claimed by God. Here you go, God. I’m giving You this time of prayer, letting You know what I’m giving You by making this declaration before and after my prayers. Usually it was accompanied with a rather sloppy waving of my hand to my head before dropping it down to my chest for a quick wave that started at one shoulder and just pointed to the other.

“In the name of the Father,” we declare ourselves to be His children. Jesus told us to call God our Father. While God is our Lord and Master, it is not how He wants to be known. He wants us to know Him as a father; one who provides for our needs and comes to our aid.

“…and of the Son…,” we acknowledge that we believe Jesus to be the Son of God. He is not just some nice guy that said cool things and turned water into wine for the party. As children of God (since we call Him, Father), then calling Jesus His Son makes Jesus our brother. It makes Him family.

“…and of the Holy Spirit…” we name the Love that exists between the Father and Son. In the Trinity of God exists this third person. In John 14:16, Jesus speaks of sending the Advocate or Counselor to be the Spirit of truth for the apostles. It is this Spirit that descends upon them in tongues of fire, prompting them to proclaim the gospel. It’s the same Spirit we receive in baptism and confirmation, not only marking us for Christ, but giving us our mission to be the Church of God on earth.

“…Amen.” The term ‘amen’ means ‘so be it’ or ‘truly.’ But St. Paul puts it best when he says, “For all the promises of God find their Yes in Him. That is why we utter the Amen through Him, to the glory of God.” (2 Cor. 1:20)

In this short prayer, we claim our relationship with God as a member of the family and our belief in the mystery of the Trinity. This weighty little prayer deserves as much concentration and intention as anything that follows in between.

Catholic Girl Journey

You are beautiful

You are beautiful. When is the last time you heard that? In our culture, it seems the measurement of beauty is only on the outside. But we are more than just flesh, we are also spirit and action.

We are made in the image and likeness of God and that alone makes us all beautiful, especially in God’s eyes. After all, when He reviewed His creation after man, He deemed all of it “very good.” (Genesis 1:31) Sin creates a layer of spiritual “dirt” that mars God’s handiwork, but it does not destroy it; the beauty is still there. In baptism, we are washed clean of original sin. But as the dirt starts to build up again, a good confession and receiving the Eucharist can wash us clean again.

The actions we perform can be a powerful indicator to others of the beautiful people we are. From feeding the hungry to patiently listening to another, we can be a light to those we help. When we follow God’s will for us, the beauty of His creation shines through.

The season of Lent calls us to dig deeper in repentance, but we need to know what we are fighting for: our beauty. If sin covers our beauty, then making the effort to avoid sin, along with God’s grace and will, can give us the strength to battle temptations and call on the Lord for help. And in doing so, we can strengthen our relationship with God and reflect the beauty He created us to be.

Catholic Girl Journey

Happy Ash Wednesday

“Go and learn the meaning of the words, ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ I did not come to call the righteous but sinners.” (Matthew 9:13) This quote from Jesus is a perfect theme for Lent this year. In this Year of Mercy, Pope Francis calls us to a very special Lent. We are called not to give up chocolate or sweets, but rather to give others mercy.

Lent is the season of repentance; a time to look at our life and make an extra effort to purge ourselves of obstacles in our relationship with God. If we are asking God be merciful to us, showing mercy to others seems like a natural extension. But our human nature can turn this into a difficult task. In some sense, showing mercy is a kind of sacrifice. It’s giving up the anger we have towards another. It’s abstaining from talking negatively about a person or situation. And one of the spiritual works of mercy is to bear wrongs patiently which means sacrificing pride.

We often associate mercy with forgiveness, but they are not necessarily the same thing. One definition for the word ‘forgive’ is to ‘cease to feel resentment against.’ However for mercy, it is to ‘pardon someone or to mitigate punishment’ as well ‘an act of kindness, compassion or favor.’ I think it takes a lot of prayer and divine assistance to truly forgive another, but we can take a step towards forgiveness by showing mercy. It might mean trying to look at the situation from their point of view and treating others the way we want to be treated.

Today is the first of 40 days this Lent when we can focus on how we practice the gift of mercy towards others. We may not get it right each day, but if we keep trying, perhaps come Easter, we will have a better understanding of Jesus’ command for mercy rather than sacrifice.

Catholic Girl Journey

Talking too much

My parish recently started the program Consoling the Heart of Jesus by Fr. Gaitley. In reading the first assignment, I felt rather chagrined as it described people coming to visit Jesus in prayer, giving Him their requests, and leaving. How many hours have I spent before the Blessed Sacrament with my own soliloquy?

Being human, the best way to connect with others is to see them face-to-face and hear their direct responses to what I say. I can’t do that with God, but seeing the consecrated Host in the monstrance is the next best thing. As everything I have comes from God, I do try to thank Him for the gifts and blessings He has bestowed. I try to be conversational when I talk to Him, describing my hopes, fears and challenges. But I have noticed that I don’t always give Him a chance to respond.

There are times when I wish I could hear God telling me clearly His response, even though it might be rather terrifying to hear a voice talking to me. But when I just keep jabbering about my thoughts and feelings, I’m not usually paying attention to see if God is responding in some way. Do I assume that God will “fix” things once I put my “order” in with Him? I may tell Him that I want His will to be done, but do I want it to happen His way or mine?

On the occasions when I notice that I’m doing all the talking, I try to stop myself and just be in Jesus’ presence. It usually doesn’t take very long before a stray idea comes to mind and I start talking again. Being more aware of what I’m saying when I am in prayer before the Blessed Sacrament is the first step in opening up to Jesus. It will take a lot of practice to get better, but I have an hour every week to try. I hope that if I can improve my face-to-Host openness to God, I will be able to hear Him clearly in my daily life also.

Catholic Girl Journey

Carrying your cross

The fourth sorrowful mystery of the Rosary is Jesus carrying His cross to Calvary. We are all called to carry our cross and I’ve been pondering what this means.

Crosses can come in many different shapes, sizes and types. Sometimes they are of a physical nature, others can be mental or spiritual. Maybe they are the bad habits or the sins we find ourselves confessing again and again. It may seem our crosses control us and we have no power over them. So how can one carry such a thing? Perhaps, like a journey, carrying a cross comes in stages.

As with any problem or issue, unless you acknowledge it, you can’t do anything about it. When we recognize the obstacle that keeps us away from God, we pick up that cross. Acceptance is the first step. For the longest time, my idea of carrying a cross was accepting it. I would say, “Okay God, you gave me this cross; I’ll carry it.” But it seemed  I was just holding on to it and not progressing in my journey to God.

A cross is not something we do battle with, but a tool that can help us practice virtues. Embracing our cross is not about allowing ourselves to commit that sin and then confessing it. Rather embracing it is praying for help and guidance regularly, not just in the moment of temptation. It is identifying the virtue opposite that sin and praying for that. Just as Jesus fell carrying His cross, we cannot think that we can succeed without falling, and many more times than Jesus did. But just as God provided Jesus with the helping hand of Simon, Jesus wants to help us with ours. In our moments of weakness, when we are frustrated in our progress, we can take comfort in the response Jesus had for St. Paul in his struggles. “He said to me, ‘My grace is enough for you, for in weakness power reaches perfection.’” (2 Corinthians: 12:9)

I am not at the point where I can boast of my weakness as St. Paul claims, but it is reassuring that someone so holy and amazing struggled like I do. And when I fall, Jesus is there extending His hand so I can rise, pick up my cross and carry on.

Catholic Girl Journey

Getting in shape with God

Many years ago, I was trying to get more exercise and looking for a way to energize myself for the effort. I thought saying the rosary while taking a walk might be the encouragement I needed, and it would allow me to check two things off my list at once. I tried it, but it was winter time, and bundling up for a walk at 6 AM was a nice novelty, but once was enough. I’m not sure if it was the cold, my lack of interest in getting healthy, the time of day, or the added prayer that squelched my enthusiasm; perhaps a combination of all of those factors.

I have been more successful lately with exercise inside. I am blessed to have some basic fitness equipment at my workplace, and I usually use the cross trainer twice weekly. There are often other employees who come in and use the provided televisions to watch a program as they work out. To me the television is an annoying distraction, maybe because I’m not interested in sports news, which is often the channel of choice. I usually listen to Christian music on my phone or tablet.

Once during the Christmas holidays, when I was trying to be as efficient as possible, I used an audio rosay app on my tablet while working out. Part of me felt guilty that I was exercising while saying the rosary, but when I got home that night, I was able to continue my Christmas baking with a bit more spring in my step. The next few times I went back to the standard praise music but kept wondering, what if I tried the audio rosary app again? So I did; several times. With the specific app that I have, I can say the Divine Mercy chaplet, the St. Michael chaplet and the rosary in a 40 minute workout. I do worry that every time I recite these prayers in the future, I will be reminded of working out. What if they become a chore with this association? But I have an alternative, and listening to music can be both uplifting and still help me focus on my relationship with God.

I think the difference for me this time around is my attitude. Even looking at exercise alone, I see it now as a need to keep the body God gave me working as best it can. Adding a layer of prayer, whether it’s praise music or scripted prayers, serves to remind me to say “thank you” for the body God provided. It’s giving back to Him what He gave to me.

 

Catholic Girl Journey

Prepare to stop, listen and reflect

Preparation for Christmas in full swing. The second week of Advent continues to call for reconciliation as a way to prepare for Jesus’ coming. With all the busyness of the season, it can be hard to find the time to reflect on our relationship with God. Reconciliation requires that we stop and look at our thoughts, words, actions and inactions. It requires time and may not fit easily into our schedule. But similar to baking, the time you take to prepare will be seen in the results.

I love baking and Christmas is the time of year that I can gift others with my baked goods without needing any other reason than the season. I gift so much baking, that I need to project-manage my efforts. Creating a list of ingredients for seven different kinds of cookies and at least five different tea breads allows me to make one trip to the grocery store, but in order to do that, I need to know which recipes I’m going to use.

Not only that, but with a full-time job, finding the time to bake requires  that I look at my schedule and plan what item is going to be baked on what day. Some cookies require the dough to be chilled prior to shaping and baking, so unless I want to finish at 3AM, I will prep the dough the day before I plan to bake. Some cookies take less than 10 minutes to bake, others will take a bit longer. Those minutes of waiting in between are precious time that I can use to reflect on Christ’s birth and what I need to do to become closer to Him.

One definite way is to take advantage of the sacrament of reconciliation. Making it a priority isn’t easy. One year I had two errands: confession and purchasing gift tins for my cookies. I was concerned that the traffic at the mall might lead to my missing confession, so I went to church first. It made sense to me until my temper was sorely tested in the parking lot of the mall. It took all the grace I received in the sacrament to smile and not react to the aggressive drivers trying to find a spot or vacate one. It was a great lesson and one I don’t wish to repeat.  What good is putting confession first if I lose my temper within the hour?

While celebrating the season is important, don’t forget to make time to prepare to celebrate the birth of Jesus. We need to stop, listen and reflect on His Word. Only then can we begin to take a step in coming closer to Him by meeting God in the sacrament of reconciliation.

Catholic Girl Journey

Preparation is making me wait

Advent is upon us, a season meaning “arrival.” Advent begins four Sundays before Christmas and ends on December 25th. These four  weeks prior to Christmas are set aside to help us prepare for the coming of Jesus. Which coming? Both his birth and his return.

The birth of Jesus occurred over 2,000 years ago as both an historical event and a spiritual one. Israel had been preparing and waiting for this event for a very, very long time. The coming of the Savior was proclaimed to Adam, to  David and to many prophets in between. Isaiah, the prophet who most wrote about Jesus’ coming, lived 500 years prior to His birth. That’s a long time to prepare! But in many ways Jesus’ coming did not match the expectations of the Jews, and few recognized him as the promised Savior.

But the first Sunday in Advent reminds us that there is also a second coming of Jesus: either at the end of the world, or at the end of our life on earth. Often we think these events are too far in the future to waste time thinking about or preparing for at this time.  But Advent offers a spiritual wake up call. Too often we get caught up in all the things we “have to do” to celebrate Christmas, but miss the chance to prepare for meeting Christ. If you knew Christ was coming for you on December 25th, how would your preparation be different than if you were merely preparing to celebrate His first coming?

This year we have almost 4 full weeks to prepare for Jesus. The waiting does not have to be an empty time to fill with gift buying and decorating. Reading the Bible, praying the Rosary, or just sitting in silence before God for 10 minutes each day are ways to open our heart to His coming. Using an Advent wreath to pray is both a mental action and a physical one as we light the candle(s) each day and pause to reflect on prophetic writings about the coming of the Savior. Our time spent in prayer can be our gift to Jesus. Celebrating the sacrament of reconciliation helps to remove the tumbleweeds and rocks in the desert of our hearts to “…prepare the way of the Lord! Make straight in the wasteland a highway of our God!” (Isaiah 40:3) While we receive God’s mercy in this sacrament, we adorn our souls with the beauty of His grace.

Let us prepare first for Jesus’s second coming so we can celebrate in joy the memorial of His first.

Catholic Girl Journey

What is a king?

When we hear about Christ being King, I sometimes find it hard to wrap my head around the concept. Here in the United States, we have a President, senators, congressmen, governors and mayors; none would be an example of a king. While there may be men in the world that hold the title of king, often they are not the “chief authority” as the dictionary definition for “king” specifies.

The role of king in ancient times was so important that the Israelites asked for one. Around 1050 BC, the people were envious of the  countries  with kings and wanted one themselves, a person they could rally behind — a ruler they could see. At that time, Israel was ruled by judges, but these judges were not the same as a king. “We too must be like other nations, with a king to rule us and to lead us in warfare and fight out battles.” (1 Sam 8:20) But at the time the people did have a king, God himself. When Samuel prayed to the Lord about the people’s request, God replied, “Grant the people’s every request. It is not you they reject, they are rejecting me as their king.” (1 Sam 8:7)

Without a current example of a king, my notion of king may be more of the romantic or iconic version of when kings ruled on earth. I think of a king who leads his men into battle and is right in the thick of the fighting. He is an example to his men. A king should also look out for the interests of  his people, making sure they have what they need and are protected from harm. But isn’t that exactly what God does? God, through His Son, Jesus, came down and led us in battle, to the death and beyond. He fought sin and death and triumphed. He leads by His example. God does not leave us to own devices, He fights for us and with us every day. God looks out for His people by providing for us the sacraments: His Spirit (in baptism and confirmation), His mercy (in reconciliation and anointing of the sick), and His very self (in marriage, holy orders and the Eucharist).

And with all these amazing gifts given to us by our King,  what does He ask in return? “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God is one LORD; and you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, and with all  your soul, and with all your might.” (Deut. 6:4). Praise Christ the King who reigns forever!