relationship with God

Catholic Girl Journey

Celebrate 50 days

Happy Easter! Yes, that is not a typo, it is still the Easter season. But Easter day seems so long ago, it’s easy to forget that we are still celebrating

The Church in her wisdom gives us 40 days to prepare for the most sacred time of the year. The celebration of Easter itself lasts for 50 days: the first 40 lead up to the Ascension of Jesus into heaven and then 10 days later, we commemorate Pentecost, when the Holy Spirit descended upon the Apostles.

It’s interesting to notice how much we relax our discipline after Easter Sunday. Penances like abstaining from meat and fasting are not typical during this season, but why not sacrifice time to go to an additional Mass during the week or take the time to read scripture? Why is it so easy to say that since it’s not Lent anymore, we don’t “have” to go beyond the minimum? It seems to me that the Easter season should be a time to intensify these practices in thanksgiving for this season.

When you look at  the Christmas season, most people celebrate from Thanksgiving through either Christmas or New Year’s day, about 30 days.  We include Advent in the Christmas celebration although for the Church, they are separate. The actual celebration of Christmas doesn’t begin liturgically until December 25th, but it continues through the Baptism of the Lord, the second Sunday after Christmas.  You may have noticed that the parish Christmas decorations don’t usually come down until then.  But, by way of contrast, with Easter, we tend to celebrate only one day  with a special family meal after the Easter Mass. Is it because Christmas has been embraced more by the secular culture or because we have lost the wonder of the Resurrection?

After participating in the “Consoling the Heart of Jesus” retreat by Fr. Gaitley, I started praying the Chaplet of Divine Mercy as a Novena. I’m on my fourth iteration since  Good Friday. It was not my intention to do multiple novenas, but somehow it didn’t seem right to stop saying it. Yes, it does add about another 10 minutes to my morning prayer time, and sometimes it does get pushed to the end of the day. In order to keep the days straight, I’ve had to mark the novena day number in my Magnificat. I don’t know if I  will continue after Pentecost, I’ll leave that up to the Holy Spirit to move me!

Catholic Girl Journey

Instant change

I was preparing to lector for a daily Mass, and the reading happened to be Paul’s conversion (Acts 9:1-20). Part of my preparation is to read out loud, and hearing this powerful passage made me take a closer look.

The writer of Acts does not shy away from bold statements, and the chapter begins, “Now Saul, still breathing murderous threats against the disciples of the Lord…” It’s clear that Saul doesn’t just dislike the disciples; he wants to put an end to this group known as The Way, even if it means killing all the followers of Jesus. However, the official letters he requested from the high priest were not for putting them to death, rather that, “he might bring them back to Jerusalem in chains.” Perhaps he had hoped that these followers could be reconditioned or convinced to return to the proper Jewish practices. Perhaps it’s this passion, this zealousness for God, that makes room in his heart for conversion.

Saul’s encounter with Jesus came in a blinding flash of light that caused him to close his eyes and fall to the ground. In this vulnerable state, Jesus spoke to him: “Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?” The encounter leaves him blind, requiring his fellow travelers to lead him by the hand into Damascus. For three days, he was left in prayer, he neither ate nor drank. What must have gone through his mind during this time? There was probably a good amount of ‘what have I done’ during his meditation. But perhaps all the exposure to the disciples’ teaching started to sink in, including the debates Stephen participated in prior to his martyrdom which Saul witnessed. Is there a deliberate connection between the three days that Jesus spent in the tomb and this three day hiatus in Saul’s life? When he was baptized, Saul’s old life was washed away and new life in Jesus’ resurrection took root, so that “he began at once to proclaim Jesus in the synagogues, that he is the Son of God.”

Reading the twenty lines of this major transformation makes it seem like it happened in an instant. But it took Saul three days of being blind, praying, fasting to prepare for this baptism and his new life for Christ. He went from being the persecutor to being the persecuted. The results are the fourteen letters he wrote to the Christian communities, timeless messages that continue to be relevant to Jesus’ followers even today.

Catholic Girl Journey

Peace in forgiveness

A few weeks ago, I found myself in a situation where I was angry and hurt. It was as if I were about to explode. I did not want to lash out; but how could I help it, when anger was all I was feeling?

Upon some reflection, I felt the need to pray and, fortunately, was able to find a private space to do just that. However, even as I asked the Lord to take the anger away, it seemed as if it was intensifying. Why? Why was it getting worse? Suddenly, I realized that I was holding tightly to the anger, and as much as I wanted to defuse it, I kept focusing on it. The more I thought about how angry I was, the angrier I got.

A colleague once shared that in times of work trials he says to himself, “Exhale stress; breathe in peace.” I tried his advice, asking Jesus for His peace with each in breath. But to breathe out the anger, I had to let it go. I had to forgive, even in the midst of my hurt. I felt it wasn’t fair that I was hurting, but anger was not going to make me feel any better. I had to mentally acknowledge that while I felt hurt, I needed to forgive and not hold the person’s actions against them. So with each breath out, I would think forgiveness and with each breath in, I would think of Christ’s peace.

Focusing on such an involuntary action as breathing helped me to begin to relax. Listening to the rush of air go out, it almost sounded angry. Each breath in barely made a sound, yet I could feel it fill my lungs. Forgiveness….then peace.

After a few concentrated breaths, I felt I was ready to return to the situation. Yes, I was still hurt, but I no longer felt that I was going to retaliate and hurt someone else’s feelings. I was able to find the peace of Jesus through forgiveness. What a gift!

Catholic Girl Journey

Know you are loved

Sometimes a song can hit a note in our heart, especially when we’re not expecting it. I was listening to KLOVE, a Christian Radio station, and the song that hit me was “You Are Loved” by Stars Go Dim.

In the song’s refrain they sing, “Just look up; know you are loved.” While that may not seem at all earth-shattering, I happened to look up just as they were singing that line and my eyes beheld the crucifix. Perhaps because we celebrated the passion, death and resurrection of Jesus so recently, tears just welled up in my eyes. I don’t believe in coincidence, so for me, it was God’s way of saying, “I love you” in that moment.

The song is a very truthful song, it’s about how people hide their true feelings and get buried in the insecurities  of trying to be  who everyone else expects them to be. It’s a great reminder that no matter where we are in our life’s journey, Jesus is there with us, loving us and encouraging us along the way.

Every moment God loves us. The evidence is all around us: in the earth and its bounty, in the animals, birds and creatures we encounter, as well as every person we meet. They were all made with love from God and they are a gift to each of us, individually. But since we see these every day, we may take them for granted and forget their origin. Being human, we tend to question, “just how much does God love us?” That’s when we  should look at Jesus on the cross; He loved us so much He was willing to die for us.

So look up, look around and see the love that God has for you. And if you need to, look at Jesus on the cross.   

Catholic Girl Journey

Rolling back the stone

He walked on water. He healed many people of blindness, leprosy and deafness. Not only did He heal some close to death, but raised several from the dead. And His last act of healing was to take all the sins: past, present and future, on His shoulders and die. He conquered from the cross.

Jesus’ resurrection is a mystery, not so much that He was able to come back to life, but the amazing salvation that it brings. It’s amazing to me, that in preparation for the future, Jesus established the sacrament of the Eucharist the night before He died. After the 40 days of Lent with a focus on repentance, Holy Thursday Mass provides a refreshing celebration before the solemn liturgy of Good Friday is observed. Christ is taking care of us, knowing that after 40 days of prayer, fasting and almsgiving, we need a reprieve so that we have the spiritual strength to reflect on His passion.

I’ve heard in more than one homily inviting us to journey through the passion and death of Jesus at a personal level: He died for me and my sins. I know in order for Jesus to rise from the dead, He needs to die, but it is hard to participate in the gospel reading saying, “Crucify him, crucify him!” Every time I sin, in thought, word and deed, it’s like I’m saying that to Jesus, but I don’t think of it in the moment. It’s not until I say that as part of the liturgy that I realize what my sin has cost.

But the end of the story is not the death of Jesus to pay for our sins. He rises from the grave on Easter Sunday, rolling the stone away and casting the burial cloths aside. He gives new life to us and the opportunity to come close to Him; to love Him like He loves us. In this Easter season, let us roll back the stone of sin from our hearts and let the risen Jesus in to heal us so we can more fully live in His love.

Catholic Girl Journey

Don’t forget God’s mercy

I’ve heard more than one person comment, “ I already know I’m going to hell…” Each time, I am surprised that the person finds this acceptable. Circumstances have prevented me from inquiring why a person would believe that, but makes me stop and ponder.

If the only way one viewed God is as a judge, marking every wrong against any good, it would be very easy to condemn oneself. But when you look at the lives of the saints, St. Paul and St. Augustine come to mind, some start out with a negative balance, yet they were able to make it to heaven.

However, if one insisted on getting their own way, for instance living together outside of marriage, I could see how in this circumstance it would be hard to practice the faith, since one could not confess the sin, as there is no intention of avoiding it in the future. However, to believe oneself is condemned to hell is to not allow the possibility of God’s mercy.

In the story of the prodigal son, the errant man has enough confidence in his father’s generosity to his servants to go back and seek a place among them, just so that he could live. (Lk 15:17-19). God’s generosity to us has been shown in many ways, but none more than in Jesus being born, dying and rising from the grave.

St. Paul mentions that he was given a thorn in his flesh (2 Cor. 12:7-9), so we should not be surprised to find ourselves struggling with one particular sin over and over again. But it’s through this “thorn” that we should seek God’s mercy on us and not give up and condemn ourselves.

This imperfect life on earth does provide much distraction that can distance us with God. Having the possibility of purgatory is comforting to know that my earthly imperfections can be cleansed from my soul before spending eternity with God. St. Thérèse of Lisieux goes even further, saying that for souls that practice the little way, they can even bypass purgatory and go directly to heaven! (Story of a Soul)

In this lenten season of repentance in the year of mercy, let us pray for those who have forgotten that God does not look at the sum of a person’s faults, but rather is generous beyond measure, if they only seek His mercy. Jesus, I trust in Your mercy!

Catholic Girl Journey

Wrestling with wills

It’s not about me, it’s all about Him.  Lately I find  myself saying this repeatedly throughout the day. Every time I think, “I don’t want to do <insert chore>” or “I don’t feel like going there,” I notice I want my will to be done. I’m basing changes to my day on my wants and feelings. How selfish!

Bishop Robert Barron has often remarked that our lives are not about us. If we keep chasing our wants and catering to our feelings we will be in an endless circle without ever being satisfied. But if we center ourselves in Christ and God’s will for us, no matter what life throws at us, we will have the grace to deal with it.

It sounds so simple. The practice of it, however, is anything but easy – at least for me. I do believe that God’s will is best for me, even when I can’t understand His vision. Intellectually, I want to do His will. I even pray for help to do His will. But if I think about things deeply, I realize that I want God’s will to be what I want, when I want it. It’s in these moments when I see I’m trying to control things that I remind myself it’s not about me, it’s about Him.

What has surprised me the most about this effort to put God first is that it’s having a positive effect in my relationships with others. I find that when I’m conversing with  a friend , if I want to interject to describe how I handled a similar situation, I discover my brain saying to me, “it’s not about you, it’s about him (her).” Then I actually listen to what the person is saying, rather than wishing they would hurry up and finish so that I can talk about my experience.

I’m definitely still a work in progress in this effort. Seeing these small changes in me and my behavior does encourage me to keep trying. I hope and pray that I will one day be able find myself doing His will without thinking of my own at all.

Catholic Girl Journey

Good…better…best

Have you ever had one of those days when your best just didn’t seem good enough? You then start to think that what you’re doing isn’t the best you can do. Sometimes that’s true, if you average out against your whole life. But at the moment, it’s all you can do.

Lent seems to bring those days more often, perhaps because we are paying attention to what we are doing. At the very least, one needs to pay attention to the day of the week, so that meat is not consumed on Fridays. For me, I’ve expanded my no-chocolate-eating days during Lent from three last year to four this year, and in doing so, I’ve changed the days I allow myself to have a treat. It makes me stop and think, more than just the day of the week and not so much ‘can I eat this’ but ‘should I eat this.’ I’ve found myself thinking that I should be fasting more and pondering how can I do better with almsgiving. Perhaps this is to help prepare me for next year’s Lent, but for now, it’s only serving anxiety that my best is not good enough.

Taking a deep look at ourselves, our actions  and attitudes is a good thing and can help us see areas that we need to cultivate and grow stronger. It’s not meant to deflate what we are doing because it is not “enough”. However, God loves us just as we are in this very moment, warts and all. In our moments when we’d like to say, “I just can’t do this anymore,” we need to remember the cross. Jesus conquered when He gave His life for us on the cross. But our struggles have merit too, especially when we offer them up to be combined with Jesus’ suffering. While it may not be our personal best, we can offer our challenges as a small good thing to be multiplied beyond what our personal best could provide.

Jesus tells the story of the persistent widow and the unrighteous judge, who eventually provides a just ruling because of the widow’s continuous pleading. (Luke 18:1-8) While this particular story is primarily about praying constantly, it can serve as a reminder that we always need to give our best, even when it seems lacking.  

Catholic Girl Journey

Sign of the Cross

For many years, I thought of the Sign of the Cross as something I said before and after my prayers, but never considered it a prayer by itself. After all, Mass starts and ends with it, but it’s what is between the start and end that counts, right? When we declare, “In the name…,” it’s like we are saying that everything that will happen or has just happened is to be claimed by God. Here you go, God. I’m giving You this time of prayer, letting You know what I’m giving You by making this declaration before and after my prayers. Usually it was accompanied with a rather sloppy waving of my hand to my head before dropping it down to my chest for a quick wave that started at one shoulder and just pointed to the other.

“In the name of the Father,” we declare ourselves to be His children. Jesus told us to call God our Father. While God is our Lord and Master, it is not how He wants to be known. He wants us to know Him as a father; one who provides for our needs and comes to our aid.

“…and of the Son…,” we acknowledge that we believe Jesus to be the Son of God. He is not just some nice guy that said cool things and turned water into wine for the party. As children of God (since we call Him, Father), then calling Jesus His Son makes Jesus our brother. It makes Him family.

“…and of the Holy Spirit…” we name the Love that exists between the Father and Son. In the Trinity of God exists this third person. In John 14:16, Jesus speaks of sending the Advocate or Counselor to be the Spirit of truth for the apostles. It is this Spirit that descends upon them in tongues of fire, prompting them to proclaim the gospel. It’s the same Spirit we receive in baptism and confirmation, not only marking us for Christ, but giving us our mission to be the Church of God on earth.

“…Amen.” The term ‘amen’ means ‘so be it’ or ‘truly.’ But St. Paul puts it best when he says, “For all the promises of God find their Yes in Him. That is why we utter the Amen through Him, to the glory of God.” (2 Cor. 1:20)

In this short prayer, we claim our relationship with God as a member of the family and our belief in the mystery of the Trinity. This weighty little prayer deserves as much concentration and intention as anything that follows in between.

Catholic Girl Journey

You are beautiful

You are beautiful. When is the last time you heard that? In our culture, it seems the measurement of beauty is only on the outside. But we are more than just flesh, we are also spirit and action.

We are made in the image and likeness of God and that alone makes us all beautiful, especially in God’s eyes. After all, when He reviewed His creation after man, He deemed all of it “very good.” (Genesis 1:31) Sin creates a layer of spiritual “dirt” that mars God’s handiwork, but it does not destroy it; the beauty is still there. In baptism, we are washed clean of original sin. But as the dirt starts to build up again, a good confession and receiving the Eucharist can wash us clean again.

The actions we perform can be a powerful indicator to others of the beautiful people we are. From feeding the hungry to patiently listening to another, we can be a light to those we help. When we follow God’s will for us, the beauty of His creation shines through.

The season of Lent calls us to dig deeper in repentance, but we need to know what we are fighting for: our beauty. If sin covers our beauty, then making the effort to avoid sin, along with God’s grace and will, can give us the strength to battle temptations and call on the Lord for help. And in doing so, we can strengthen our relationship with God and reflect the beauty He created us to be.