relationship with God

Beautiful brokenness

As we spend the next several weeks celebrating the resurrection of Jesus, I think most focus on the resurrection itself and less on the body. Now that the painful Passion is behind us, we can bathe in the love and immortality that God bestows on those who believe in His Son. But there is still a body to contend with; how do we understand the risen form of Jesus?

The Gospel of John presents two very different approaches to the resurrected Christ. The first account is of Mary Magdalene who upon recognizing Jesus embraced His feet. His response to her was “Stop holding on to me… .” (John 20:17) It seems a curious address to someone whom He loved. Jesus’ resurrected body, however, was not destined to stay on earth, but rather to return to God, the Father. The message He was conveying to Mary indicated that she should not expect for Him to remain. Jesus rose from the dead to illustrate that death was no longer a punishment, and it was just one part of His mission to reconnect humanity with God.

The second account in John’s Gospel is that of Thomas. (John 20:24-29) Most focus on “doubting Thomas” refusing to believe in the resurrection. Had he not seen Lazarus be returned from the dead at the words of Jesus? Why was it so hard for him to believe? Yet Jesus invites him to probe his wounds. For Mary Magdalene, she was to stop holding onto Jesus, but Thomas was invited to put his fingers in the nail holes and his hand in the side of Jesus that was pierced by the spear. While I feel sorry for Thomas to forever be remembered as someone who doubted Jesus, it is a powerful witness. If even those closest to Jesus had to slowly process the resurrection, it’s okay for those of us now who stumble with some of the facets of faith. When we have these times of doubt, we need to turn more to Jesus and ask Him to help us in our unbelief.

I think many want to believe that when we are resurrected, all our imperfections will be removed. Yet Jesus retained the wounds of His Passion. They may not have bled any longer, or were a source of pain, but they were still present. How is this possible? I’d like to think of it as a spiritual version of kintsugi, a Japanese technique of repairing broken objects with gold lacquer. Most of us, if we have something broken, want to hide the repair as much as possible. But in this repair process, the gold becomes the star of the show. What was once broken can now be used again, and it is beautiful because of the brokenness. Like Jesus, our wounds —physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual — will be healed through Him with a beauty that we cannot conceive. Any thoughts of what we may look like resurrected can only be a product of our limited imagination.

At each Mass we are called to encounter the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Jesus when we receive the Holy Eucharist. It is a celebration of the Incarnation of Jesus as a human person from the moment of His conception and birth as well as His full divine nature of being the Son of God. While the outward appearance of bread and wine remain, the substance is forever transformed into the being of Jesus for us to receive. Here again the priest breaks the host, mingling a piece in the wine before offering to the congregation. While it may seem that Jesus’ body is divided amongst those who receive Him, in a spiritual perspective, we are the gold lacquer that brings His body together when we receive Him and then follow the promptings of the Holy Spirit to do the Father’s will. We bring beauty to Jesus on the cross when we share the love of God with others. And we can only do that when we offer our brokenness to God to heal.

“But he was pierced for our sins, crushed for our iniquity. He bore the punishment that makes us whole, by his wounds we were healed.”

Isaiah 53:5

The piercing moment

The fifth sorrow of Mary seems like it should be the last, but it is not.  It is, however,  the pinnacle of the life of Jesus. He was born of Mary to be crucified. His first throne was a manger; His last the cross. And Mary was there for it all. 

In reviewing each of the Gospels for this post, I found it interesting that Matthew and Mark mention several women named Mary, but not Jesus’ mother. Luke only mentions that the women who followed Jesus were there in the distance. How ironic that all the writers mention the women present at the crucifixion. Yet, it is John’s gospel that provides us with the exchange that Jesus gave to both John and Mary (John 19:26-27). How could her heart not ache with all the sufferings that Jesus had endured? This must have been the moment she remembered Simeon’s prophecy of the sword piercing her heart; yet she stood by the foot of the cross for her Son. 

If only it was just a moment. From the agony and arrest in the garden, to the trial by the Jewish and Roman leaders, then the scourging and crowning with thorns, followed by the carrying of the cross, Jesus had been through more than any human could endure. He was in the final stage of His Passion: nailed to a cross, lifted up and naked, condemned to a criminal’s death. The Roman soldiers passed the time by gambling for His garments. Others jeered and made fun of Him. Forgotten were all the miracles He performed. His only supporters were the youngest apostle and the women who assisted in His ministry. Did Mary know that Jesus was going to die? Did she stand at the cross hoping for a miracle? Perhaps. However, she said yes to God’s will before conceiving of Jesus, what else could she do but place Jesus into the hands of His Heavenly Father? Both Mary and Jesus put God’s will first, even though it had resulted in the death of Jesus. 

All too soon during this Lent, will be Passion Sunday, where Jesus’ Passion and Death are proclaimed as the gospel reading. I think it’s only human nature to want to get through it as quickly as possible. Not because it’s a long reading, but because it reminds us of what price Jesus paid for our sins. The price He paid so that we could have a relationship with Him, with God our Father, and with the Holy Spirit. Too often we overemphasize Jesus’ resurrection, and to some degree, we should. But we also need to remember that in order to rise, Jesus had to die. And He didn’t just die quickly and rise immediately. Jesus suffered many types of torture: mental, physical, and emotional before His death. He stayed dead for three days to illustrate that He truly died, and it wasn’t just a coma or trance that He experienced. 

As we journey through these last few weeks of Lent, let us offer up our sacrifices and penances to Mary as a symbolic way to keep her company as she stood by the foot of the cross. Perhaps she can, in turn, present them to God to assist and comfort those who are in mourning. Mary, Mother of Sorrows, pray for us. 

Mary at the Cathedral of St. Matthew the Apostle, Washington DC

Journey to a new beginning

Mary only observed the effects of Jesus’ scourging: the blood soaked through His clothes as He walked towards the place of His death. Yet the events of Jesus’ Passion and Death would provide many moments where the sword that Simeon prophesied would pierce deeply. The fourth sorrow of Mary is watching Jesus as He carried the cross towards His execution. 

While the Gospels don’t mention Jesus meeting Mary during His struggle to Golgotha, according to an article on EWTN, it is based on tradition that this event indeed occurred. The Gospels do indicate that Mary was at the foot of the cross, so she would have had to travel the same/similar road herself to get there. It is plausible that whether they were near enough to touch one another, or only close enough to make eye contact, they could have very well met on that road.

Was Mary amongst the crowd that was stirred up by the Pharisees at the praetorium? Did she hear them call for the release of Barabbas? Did she witness the crowd calling for Jesus to be crucified like a criminal? Tradition and the Gospels are silent on how much Mary observed prior to the actual death of Jesus. However, the tradition of Jesus meeting Mary as He carried the cross evokes a painful reunion for both. Mary watched Jesus grow from a little baby to an adult man, who was ready to give His life for the salvation of souls. She saw the precious Blood staining the woven garments He wore, potentially ones that she made with her own two hands. She saw the depth of depravity by the soldiers in the crown of thorns piercing His head. The protruding wood of the cross He carried was unmistakable. 

While the first three sorrows of Mary marked occasions in Jesus’ childhood, there are no mentions in the Gospel of His adolescence or in His ministry that was a cause of sorrow for Mary. I’m sure there were times, like in so many families, where Jesus’ words or actions could have been challenging for a mother. Mary assented to God’s will at the time of His conception. Her ability to do so illustrates her great trust in God. Mary knew Jesus was not an ordinary baby who would have an ordinary life. When the time for His ministry came about, she encouraged His first miracle. Still, being an itinerant teacher must have brought challenges and discouragements on occasion. But were those instances enough to prepare her for what was to come? As much as Jesus tried to prepare the disciples, most of them fled at His arrest. The Gospels capture Jesus indicating the Resurrection, something that we are familiar with, to be a concept that was foreign to His followers (Mark 9:10). Even if Mary was aware of what was to come, future joy is very hard to see when the current pain and suffering are so overwhelming.

The way of the cross seemed to be the end. After all, is there anything more final than death? Well, for God, death is not the last word. Rather it is a tool used to illustrate the power, and the love, of God. It shows that God is far beyond our being and that He has control even over something that seems so final to us. As Jesus walks towards Golgotha, it is not a journey to His end, but rather to a new beginning. As Christians, we too, will walk through the valley of death, but our baptism promises us that our soul will live on. If we choose to trust God and His will for us, our relationship with Him will be transformed beyond our wildest imagination. And at the end of time, our souls will be reunited with our bodies, so that in both body and soul, we can share in the love that God is, as it flows from Father to Son to Holy Spirit. 

We are almost at the half-way point of Lent. Regardless of how challenging or overwhelming our practices are this year, it’s not too late to reach out to Mary for assistance as we strive to grow closer to God and recognize what is prohibiting us from embracing God’s will. No matter the pain and sorrow we will face, Mary will walk us through until we reach the joy of Jesus. 

Mary at the Cathedral of St. Matthew the Apostle, Washington DC

Searching for Jesus

We are all searching for Jesus in our lives. And in one instance, Mary and Joseph were no different. They, with Jesus,  followed the custom they had been following each year, making their annual trip to Jerusalem and back. Only on the way back, it wasn’t like all the times previous. Jesus didn’t leave with the rest of His earthly relatives. The search was on.

At the cusp of adulthood but not quite there, Jesus had stayed behind in the Temple. At 12 years old, He was old enough to be responsible for Himself and His actions, but not quite old enough to be on His own. Yet He knew who He was and what He was being called to do. His parents, however, did not. We are only given a summary of the events in Luke’s Gospel (Lk 2:41-51). In the English translation, it’s hard to pinpoint just how many days Jesus was separated from Mary and Joseph. “…But supposing him to be in the company they went a day’s journey, and they sought him among their kinsfolk and acquaintances; and when they did not find him, they returned to Jerusalem, seeking him. After three days they found him in the temple…” If Mary and Joseph traveled a whole day and presumably it would take another day’s journey to return, are those days included in the three days? A separation of three days would be hard enough, but if the travel time is added onto that, then five days of separation must have seemed like an eternity to them! 

Mary and Joseph did a fair amount of traveling during Jesus’ youth. First, they traveled to Bethlehem where He was born. Then they lived in Egyptian exile while King Herod, who tried to kill Jesus, reigned in Jerusalem. They then returned to Nazareth although scripture does not tell us how old He was at the time of His return. Still, if the family had a “custom” to travel to Jerusalem yearly, I would say that journey would need to happen about five or six times in order to consider it a “custom.” After the journeys to Egypt and Nazareth, traveling with friends and relatives yearly must have been a welcome change. People were safer when they were in a group. But it also gave time to chat in a way that probably didn’t happen on a daily basis. What may have been a relaxed and enjoyable trip turned. Did Mary and Joseph travel back at night? They did flee to Egypt in the middle of the night, so it is possible. Or did they wait until morning and, as they made their return trip, did they seek Jesus in the groups that left after their party? That may have slowed their return, talking to various groups of people they encountered. Most likely, they traveled by themselves, just the two of them. 

Where did they look for Jesus in Jerusalem? Did they go back to where they stayed? Was the Temple the first place they looked or the last, after many other locations? If it actually took three days to find Jesus after they returned to Jerusalem, then the Temple was the last place they looked. It must have been such a relief to find Him and know that He was safe. When Mary asked for an explanation as to why, Jesus’ answer of attending His Father’s business was not immediately understood by them. Perhaps it took until Jesus started His preaching mission, or maybe it was at the foot of the cross that His statement began to make sense? It could have taken until after the resurrection and ascension that Mary was able to reflect on this to really understand why this event happened. 

Jesus is with us every moment of every day, yet our busy lives don’t allow us to recognize His presence. When we feel far away from Him, we need to seek Him. It may take minutes or hours or days to realize He is right there with us. When we find Him we may not understand why it took so long or why we find Him in whatever place we do. And we may not understand the answer when we immediately receive it. Mary and Joseph make up two-thirds of the Holy Family, yet they understand what it means to be separated from and to seek Jesus. Lent is a perfect opportunity to proactively practice seeking Jesus on a daily basis. Abstaining from obstacles that interrupt our hunger for God in our life will allow us to be more open to hearing God and knowing what next step to take to become closer to Him. Let us not wait until He is a “full day’s journey” from us, but rather seek Him in “His Father’s house.” Jesus is waiting at every church and in every tabernacle that contains the consecrated hosts. Let us not just look for Jesus, but let’s find Him!

Mary at the Cathedral of St. Matthew the Apostle, Washington DC

Life on the run

So, to continue on from last week… the second sorrow of Mary is the flight into Egypt. While Matthew’s Gospel addresses it only in a few short lines, (Matt 2:13-21), there is much to ponder within the text provided.

Joseph was warned in a dream to take his family and depart to Egypt. Upon rising in the middle of the night, they left. Did Joseph need to awaken Mary or was she awake and tending to Jesus? Can you imagine having your sleep disturbed only to find out you need to leave on a long journey immediately? Even if she was awake, the dreadful news that the precious Child was in danger must have been disturbing to hear. With a destination of Egypt, a place where the Israelites had fled from slavery, Mary, and Joseph too, had to put all their trust in God. Just because they were caring for the Son of God, didn’t mean they would have an easy road. The detour to Egypt probably had a number of challenges, especially since they didn’t have the time to prepare for the journey. Yet, it was for the protection of Jesus, and so they made the trip.

Aliens. No, not the kind from outer space but rather those who travel from one country to seek asylum in another, safer country. That’s what the Holy Family were: aliens in Egypt. Moving to another country where you need to learn a new language, new customs, and a new way of life is challenging for anyone, but to do it with an infant surely poses many difficulties that most may not even be able to imagine. They had no friends or relatives that could help them get started, just the grace of God. If the reception at Bethlehem, among their kinfolk, left them out with the animals, what kind of welcome did they receive in Egypt? Were they looked upon with suspicion? Did the Egyptian people gossip about this strange family coming from a foreign land into theirs, wondering why they left their own homeland? Especially since Mary and Joseph were devout Jews, they must have been totally out-of-place there. Were there any synagogues there? Were they able to have a little taste of home and worship in the manner they did when living in Israel? 

News does travel fast, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they heard about the massacre of the infants in Bethlehem and realized that if they had stayed, Jesus would have been one of them. As a new mom, Mary must have been heartbroken to learn about all the needless killing; all the mothers who lost their sons while she still had Jesus. Relief and anguish all rolled up together, and she could do nothing to comfort those women. Nothing to let them know that the Child their sons died for was safe and why it was so important that He remain so. Jesus was safe for the moment, but the time would come when Mary would need to let Him go, watching as He suffered and died for us all.

As we journey through this Lent, let us keep in mind that there are those who don’t speak our language and are looking for a safer place to live. Let us remember that when we treat them with the dignity of being a child of God, we honor the sacrifice the Holy Family made in their time of exile into Egypt. Let us look at the excess we have in our closets and pantry and see how we can donate to others who need it more than we do, no matter what circumstances cause their need. Let us comfort those who have lost loved ones, especially their children, with our prayers, our friendship, and a shoulder to cry on. Lent is an opportunity to practice mercy towards others. Let us open our hearts and ask God what we can do to help those in need.

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Random acts of prayer

We are just a week away from the beginning of Lent. And I’ve already begun to see Catholic blog headlines saying not to give up chocolate for the penitential season, but to add something to one’s prayer routine, like a seasonal meditation or scripture reading. However, I suggest adding something that you can continue well after the Lent is over: random acts of prayer.

Yes, you read that correctly. I said random acts of prayer and not random acts of kindness. What’s the difference? When we are kind to another, we make the choice of what and how to be kind. For example, holding open the door for someone who is behind us as we enter a building. Is it a nice thing to do? Surely! However, random acts of prayer are when we leave the kind action up to God. This is when we drive by a house, say a prayer and ask God to bless whomever lives there in what they need the most. There are so many times when we ask God for specific things, like a job for one person or healing for another. While those folks may need those things, it may not be their most pressing need. How awesome is it to let the God who created the entire universe with all its diversity,  decide how best to bless a person? 

In praying for another in the random way, we have no idea of the outcome. Perhaps when we go to heaven, we’ll find out the impact of all these random prayers. Even if we never know, it’s good for our soul to pray for others in this anonymous way. First, it makes us be aware of our surroundings — that there are children of God in a building, car, or park that need His blessings just as much as we do. Second, it reminds us that we don’t have control over everything. One aspect of original sin was that Adam and Eve were not just looking at tasty fruit, but to gain more knowledge and control. Third, it gives us the opportunity to “let go and let God” handle it, which requires regular practice. Lastly, it reminds us of all the ways God has blessed us in seemingly random ways. Some may refer to these circumstances as coincidence, but I see them as an opportunity God uses to get our attention. 

Usually my random acts of prayer have been made while driving. Whenever someone is kind and allows me to merge onto the highway or lets me go at a stop sign, I do try to say a Hail Mary or Glory Be and ask God to bless them in some way during the day. Sometimes I wonder what that blessing is: a close parking spot at their destination, or green traffic lights all the way. This is probably the easiest way to practice this type of prayer because we will never know the impact of our prayer said for that driver. But random acts of prayer can be practiced anywhere, in any circumstance. For instance, the next time you’re at the grocery store, you can silently say a prayer for another customer or the clerk while they ring up your order. But we don’t even need to leave the house to practice praying like this. Maybe we ask God to bless the person in the world who needs it the most at that moment of our prayer. The randomness of whom we choose is only limited to our imagination. 

I believe God answers all prayers. I trust that He knows better than I do what another needs. But by specifically praying for another in this random and anonymous way, I create a spiritual bond with someone I may not meet until we’re in heaven. And what a joyful day that will be!

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Gift of presence

It goes back all the way to the beginning, just after Jesus’ resurrection. The disciples, who walked with Him all the way to Emmaus, only recognized Jesus when He blessed and broke the bread. Jesus is truly present at every Mass and in every consecrated host: Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity.

It’s been many years since I first received Holy Communion, and I remember the songs that we were taught for that Mass, but I really don’t recall much of that day or the experience. However, I do recall the first time I chose to go to the adoration chapel at St. Isaac’s when I lived in Pennsylvania. It seemed like the longest 15 minutes of my life. I didn’t know what to do?! Sitting in silence with people I didn’t know felt very awkward to me. It’s different when one goes to Mass, as we can participate in the responses, so even if you don’t know anyone, you know what you are to say and when to say it. But at that first adoration visit, I really didn’t know or understand what adoration meant. 

Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament is when a consecrated host is reserved and displayed for prayer and worship. Usually this includes quiet time for individual reflection, but may also include community prayers and/or Scripture readings. The eucharistic host is displayed in a monstrance, usually a gilt-covered stand that resembles a sunburst, with the host being at the center. When the host is being placed in or removed from the vessel, the typical posture is to kneel. However, after reverencing the eucharist with a genuflect or deep bow, it is acceptable to sit, especially for those with medical conditions that prohibit their ability to kneel for any length of time. 

Like many things in life, the best way to learn what to do in adoration is to experience it and practice it. Attending to Jesus in adoration is answering the call He made to the Apostles in the garden of Gethsemane. And there are some people, who like those first Apostles, fall asleep in His presence. I’m not sure if they just feel so relaxed and at peace that they fall asleep or they are just not ready for the silence. I compare it to lifting weights; you can’t start out at 500 pounds, but rather with 5 pounds (or 5 minutes of adoration) until you feel stronger to take on more. Sometimes we do need to push our limits a bit and challenge ourselves to more, but always within reason and being aware of our limitations. The goal would be to work up to spend an hour in adoration.

Adoration is a time to talk to God, specifically Jesus — one to one — no matter how many people are there. Sometimes, and especially as we practice, praying a rosary, a litany, a chaplet, or some other set of prepared prayers is all that we can handle. These prayers are a great way to get the communication flowing, even for the most experienced attendees. There are so many prayers out there that if you wanted to pray them all, I’m not sure you would be able to pray them all in a day! Unless those in adoration are praying together in a community, all prayers should be said in silence. I remember feeling very embarrassed when I went to an adoration chapel in Italy because the door made such a horrendous noise when being open, especially in comparison to the silence in the chapel (you could hear a person turning a page to their prayer book!). I think the locals were used to it, as everyone was able to keep their focus on the eucharist. 

Jesus understands our human needs. By instituting the eucharist at the last supper, He left a way to nourish us spiritually, by receiving Him, but also to spend time with Him in adoration. He is physically there and we can see the host; our eyes have the ability to focus our attention on Him. And while it can be easier to say an Our Father or a Glory Be, we can also pour out our hearts to Jesus. As we become more comfortable in His presence, we can be open to how He chooses to speak to us, either at adoration, or any other moment of the day. Spending time in His presence is like spending time with family or friends; we share ourselves and are attentive to what they share with us. It’s also an opportunity for us to reflect, to think about the ways God works in our life, the blessings He brings, and where we need His aid. 

Jesus gives us the gift of Himself, present in the eucharist. Can you spare a few moments to spend time with Him?

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Holiday versus holy day

As I sat in the salon chair getting my hair cut, I found myself looking at a red, winged cherub. Christmas just ended and here the Valentines decorations were already out. I corrected my thoughts: it’s St. Valentine’s Day.

According to Merriam-Webster, the first definition of the word holiday is holy day. The etymology makes it clear that holy day is the literal translation of the two words that make up this one. Yet over the years it has come to mean a day off from work and is now synonymous with the word vacation. As the meaning has evolved, so has the way many people celebrate these days. While it’s wonderful these holy days have been enthusiastically embraced by secular society, it seems as though the meaning of the holy day has been diluted.

While one may see a bumper sticker that says, “Keep Christ in Christmas,” the celebration of the Christmas holiday overlaps with the celebration of a saint’s feast day earlier in the month. Consider the legendary stories of Saint Nicholas, a bishop in the early church, who is the model for Santa Claus, the magical gift-bearer on December 25th. From a secular perspective, Christmas is about getting people the “right” gifts and attending parties. Christians who make an effort to celebrate Christmas in a meaningful way are able to, but their priorities may conflict with the expectations of those who do not. 

 In February, St. Valentine’s Day is another example of a noteworthy holiday that has been secularized. With such high expectations on romance, even those in a relationship struggle to celebrate the holiday. As a single person, I never feel lonely as much as I do around this day. While I do experience the cultural expectations that every person needs to be in a relationship throughout the year, especially when traveling, the marketing of romance is at its zenith in mid-February and can definitely make a person feel incomplete.  

A month later is the celebration of St. Patrick’s Day, where everyone claims to have some bit of Irish ancestry. Here again, another bishop’s memory has been skewed by the culture so that the focus of the day is a beer-drinking party. Some may wear something green, or eat particular Irish dishes, but the good deeds of St. Patrick are mostly forgotten. These holy days are no longer opportunities for us to praise God, but rather to please ourselves. While there is nothing wrong in having a party, drinking beer, buying chocolates and flowers for your spouse, or even gifts for all those you love, these actions should come from our love of God as a natural expression towards those in our life, rather than the focal point of each of these special days. If it weren’t for Christianity, none of these days would be of particular importance. 

We can’t stop the world from secularizing these saints’ days, but we can take steps to make them holy in our life. One way is to learn about the saints and seek their intercession. While Christmas is a holy day of obligation, attending Mass on these other holy days can also help focus our perspective and our celebration. When we  put God first on these holy days, we will receive His grace and blessings and more fully enjoy these holiday celebrations.  

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Listen

Listen. I’ve heard this word several times in several different ways, many of which pertain to the spiritual life. This past Sunday’s first reading was yet again another example  which illustrates the need to listen to God. 

In preparing for Sunday Mass, I usually read the day’s readings to become familiar with them so that I can be open to any inspiration that comes to me when hearing it at Mass. However, this time, hearing the call of Samuel made me chuckle a bit. The reading is taken from the first book of Samuel (3:3-10,19), and to have two books of the Bible named after him, you know he plays an important role in salvation history. Some may not see the humor in the events, but if this was played out on television or in a movie, it would be a comedic scene. We find Samuel — whose mother Hannah prayed for him, weaned him, then dedicated him to the temple —  sleeping in the presence of God. When he hears his name, he immediately runs to Eli, the high priest. Eli, who was not the most faithful of priests, failed to recognize that it was God calling Samuel. It took three times before Eli realized that it could be God calling the youth. Three times the boy goes running to Eli saying, “Here I am, you called me.” Eli sends the boy back to bed twice before telling him how he should respond to God if he’s called again. 

Because Samuel was dedicated to the temple, he was raised there and Eli was responsible for his education. Samuel was a very willing child, jumping up from being awakened in a sound sleep to come to the aid of who he thought was calling him. Notice how respectful God is of Samuel (and of us). He doesn’t say to him, “Samuel, this is God, listen to what I have to say.” Rather He just calls him by name. It’s Samuel who needs to acknowledge the calling and invite God to speak to him. God wants a relationship with each of us; however, He will not force His way on us, we need to invite Him into our lives and be open to the gifts He bestows. Samuel grew up to become the last of the great judges of Israel. When the people ask for a king to rule over them, he is heartbroken on behalf of God, whom they are rejecting as their king. The Israelites want to be “just like everyone else” around them, with a king who leads them into battle. It is Samuel who would anoint the first King of Israel, Saul, as well as the great king who succeeds him, David. 

I firmly believe that God has a wonderful sense of humor, and this portrayal of a calling lessens my anxiety about not responding to God’s guidance immediately. We live in such a noisy world that I do have doubts that I can consistently hear and understand what God is calling me to do. This illustrates how patient God is with us, as well as persistent! He calls Samuel four times before he responds to Him. Are we that persistent with our prayers to God? His timing is certainly different from ours and we can be very quick to dismiss God’s help if it doesn’t come in the time and manner we wish. God is always listening to us, but are we paying attention to Him? 

We may not hear His voice calling us by name, but He does make His presence known to us in a manner that we can understand and accept. For some, hearing the voice of God would be terrifying and nullify our ability to freely choose to listen to Him. Perhaps it’s in our dreams that He makes His way known to us like He did for Joseph. Maybe it’s in the repetition of a word or topic that gets our attention. He created us and He knows the best way to communicate to us. We just need to still our minds and hearts and invite Him into our lives.

“Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening.” 

1 Sam 3:9

Getting unstuck

I’m still very new to weaving, as it’s almost been about 16 months since I took a 3-day weaving class and bought a used 4-harness floor loom. I’ve created some scarves from following a training video for new weavers and some hand towels from a kit I purchased while during my class. I have plenty of things I want to accomplish with it, but I seem to be stuck.

While I’m new to weaving, I’ve been a spinner for about 30 years. I may not have spun regularly throughout that timeframe, but I’ve amassed enough handspun (and more!) to knit a vest that I wore on a cruise to Alaska last year. Yet it’s only recently that I realized I’m doing the same thing in my approach to weaving as I did with spinning: letting the fear of ruining the fiber hold me back from trying. When I was first spinning, I bought lots of different fiber types, and some of the more luxury kinds like cashmere and qiviut, ones that need to be spun very finely, I put off to spin “when I was more comfortable with it.” The trouble with that mindset is that it’s very subjective, there is nothing that quantifies when I’ve reached the experience level needed to tackle those fibers. As I was preparing for my cruise last year, I realized that I had purchased qiviut (the down fiber of a musk ox which is only found above the Arctic Circle) on my first trip to Alaska over a decade ago, and had never spun it. I just couldn’t go on this cruise without doing something with it! While the consistency of the yarn could have been better, once I knit it into a headband to wear on the cruise, I achieved my goal of using the finished article. 

As we journey down life’s road, we can let similar fears make us stuck in our spiritual life. We get into a familiar routine and habits, and we coast along, not even realizing that we are stuck and our growth is stunted. There’s only 24 hours in a day, and most of that is taken up with work, chores, sleeping, and eating; how can we squeeze more time for spiritual devotions? If we attend more than just Mass on Sundays and perhaps pray morning and evening prayers along with a rosary, what more can we do? Some might take a Bible class or assist with a church ministry, doesn’t that “count?” Practicing our faith in prayers and works is always good, but perhaps we stick with these routines because they are comfortable. God may have introduced these practices, simply for that aspect: to learn to practice the faith. But we can’t learn anything new if we don’t try.

Learning can be painful; but some of the best lessons we learn is how not to do something. And whether it is fear or ruining fiber and yarn, or fear of what God is calling us to do next, opening up to new experiences can be scary and disappointing at times. However, the fruit of our labors will be sweet and delicious. I loved wearing my handknit headband and vest in Alaska. And I know pursuing a deeper relationship with God will not only bring me closer to Him in this life, but will help prepare me to spend eternity with Him. 

Sometimes we just need to get out of our own way in order to move forward. We read the parables Jesus taught about the shepherd leaving the 99 sheep to search for the lost one or about the prodigal son, and we think that’s for those who don’t believe. But would the God of Love not seek us out when we are stuck in the quicksand of our own fears? Just as Jesus reached out His hand to the fear-filled Peter as he began to sink in the waves, He will reach out to us to help get us unstuck. We need to be ready to ask and accept the help He gives us in whatever way He does, especially when that way is unexpected and surprising.

I have quite a supply of yarn. As I was planning on working a scarf kit on my loom, I realized that if I was so fearful of messing it up, I could try that same pattern with yarn that I was not as concerned about. The measurements may be a bit off, since the yarn for the kit is much finer, but I could at least practice before using the yarn from the kit. Plus I’m making fabric, does it really have to be a scarf or could I make it into something else if I really didn’t like it once it was off the loom? God has given my creativity a whack to unstick me from my fear of weaving. Now it’s my turn to be open to what He has planned next for my spiritual journey….