Catholic Girl Journey

Ocean of mercy

If I am going to drown, let it be in the ocean of God’s mercy.

During a recent cruise vacation along the California coast, I spent time looking out at the seemingly endless Pacific ocean. The “peaceful ocean” was living up to its name, with gentle ripples at the surface. God’s mercy is often described as an ocean, and I began to ponder the connection.

Gazing across the horizon, the ocean appears to touch the sky in the far distance. Without land to interrupt the connection, the ocean appears to meet the heavens, the seat of God’s throne. The slightly undulating waves were mesmerizing; calling out their welcome. God does reach down to earth with His mercy in many ways, including the Church and her sacraments being the active ministry of Jesus. As a demonstration of His mercy, He welcomes sinners into His home and invites them to forgiveness in reconciliation and to partake of His Holy Body and Blood.

If each sin I committed had to be washed away by a drop from that ocean, would there be enough ocean? I know the ocean is deep and wide and the thought of it not being enough is hard to comprehend. Or is it too boastful to say that God’s mercy is more generous than I am sinful? What would it be like to be washed clean in that ocean? Would I gently float along the top of the water, or would I be completely immersed? Perhaps it depends on how much we want God’s mercy

It will never be too cold or too rough. It will never takes us against our will. His ocean of mercy is always waiting to welcome us. It is up to us to reach out and ask for it; to dive in and be cleansed; to surrender our will to His will.   

Catholic Girl Journey

Possibilities

He turned water into wine. He healed the sick, the lame and the possessed. He rose from the dead. But the God who made it possible, predates His time on earth.

He felled the walls of Jericho, He made water spring from a rock and, through Moses, he parted the sea. These seemingly impossible achievements are overshadowed by the wonders that God works through humanity, especially when we believe in the God of possibilities. Abram trusted God when He told him he would father a great nation. Sarai even laughed at the thought of producing a child. At the end of Abraham’s life, he was a father to only two children, one of which was from his wife’s slave. He may not have seen the fulfillment of the promise, but he still believed that God could, and would, keep his promise.

.Jesus’ life on earth began with the proclamation by the angel, “for nothing is impossible with God.” (Lk 1:37) He touched many lives while He was among us; some people we know by name like the apostles, others by how they were healed. He changed their lives and they let Him do it. They, in turn, spread the news of Jesus and His message; and those who received it, continued to spread it as well. In their trust of God’s abilities, they became part of the “possibilities becoming reality.”

Jesus said, “for God all things are possible.” (Matt 19:26). Why is that so easy to doubt? Could it be that our impatience comes from wanting the possibilities now instead of being part of God’s plan unfolding over the course of time? Even if we don’t see the possibilities in our lifetime, God will not be stingy with His blessings. Perhaps we may find even greater blessings by trusting in God that what we thought was impossible, will eventually become reality.

Catholic Girl Journey

Just pray

Is it My Will or God’s Will?

Prayer, the personal conversation we have with God, is one of the principal actions in a faith journey. Through it we begin to open our hearts to Him and learn how to listen. Praying takes many forms: private or group, saying the rosary or a chaplet, following the way of the cross or reciting a litany; even Mass is a prayer.

As I have traveled my faith journey path, I’ve started to become more sensitive as to why I am praying and for what I am praying.  Generally, prayer has four aspects: adoration, contrition, petition and thanksgiving.

Some prayers of petition are straightforward. For example, my nephew’s wife is expecting their first child in July, so I’m praying for a safe delivery for the baby. But when praying for someone who has an illness, is the intention that they get well (my will), or that God give them strength as they battle the malady (God’s will)? This apparent conflict often occurs when I am praying for something specific for myself. Even when I think that I am praying for something God wants to give me, when it doesn’t occur in my timetable I start to question if I am seeking His will. Or am I asking for my will to be part of His plan?

Jesus used the parable of the widow and the corrupt judge to encourage perseverance in prayer (Luke 18:1-8). As we grow in faith and seek to do God’s will, it can be difficult to have a clear intention during prayer. “Your Father knows what you need before you ask Him,” Jesus tell us. (Matt 6:8). So does that mean I don’t need to pray? No. It means that He will grant me those blessings that will help me do His will at the time I need them. It means that saying, “Lord, I’m not sure what to pray for, but I want to do you will,” is a valid petition. It means sometimes we just need to pray.  

Catholic Girl Journey

What’s new?

When I meet up with folks I haven’t seen in awhile, I often ask them “What’s new?” For me it is a way to avoid a one word answer to the “How are you?” question.

Recently I had the odd thought of asking God, “What’s new?” The logic part of my brain told me I was silly, as He is never-ending and outside of time and space. But my imagination took hold of that question and I started pondering what possible things God could tell me of what was new for that day. He could start by telling me all the new children He created, or how many babies were born that day. He could tell me how many souls He welcomed into heaven. He could tell me how many children were called to be His special children by baptism.

Perhaps He would excitedly share the number of new inventions that were discovered. Maybe it would be the number of medical breakthroughs that were identified, or maybe the number of lives that were saved through the the talent and skills of the doctors, nurses, and other healthcare staff as well as those by mechanical devices.

He could talk about what was created in nature: all the trees, shrubs, flowers, fruit, animals, birds, fish, reptiles, and insects. I would guess that the number of creatures would be much more than the number of humans. God keeps His hands in all of creation, yet humanity is still closest to His heart.

Or maybe what’s new is outside of our Earth: new stars, new planets, new galaxies. After all, God truly is the Master of the universe and is forever the Creator of all. Just because we don’t see it or may not be able to measure it doesn’t mean that there are not new formations outside of our reach.

Towards the end of the book of Revelation, “The One who sat on the throne said to me, ‘See, I make all things new!’” (Rev 21: 5) How awesome to have a God that never stops creating!

Catholic Girl Journey

Beloved dust

He’s making diamonds out of dust
Making diamonds out of us
— “Diamonds” by Hawk Nelson

Every Ash Wednesday we are told that we are dust and we shall return to dust. It is a stark reminder that we are all sinners and what we will have to pay, at least for a time, for our sins. Our souls will be separated from our bodies; and while our souls wait for the end of time, our human remains return to dust.

I do enjoy the song “Diamonds” by Hawk Nelson and the message seems rather appropriate for Lent. We can look at this season as a time to eat fish on Fridays and not to eat in between meals, or we can look at it as an opportunity for God to transform us. If our bodies are dust, then I hope my soul will become like a diamond for God: shining in His glory, reflecting His rays of grace and mercy and transforming His light into the various colors of the rainbow.

Diamonds are formed by heat and pressure. Lent gives us the opportunity to apply some pressure to ourselves. For some, this pressure it just remembering what day it is and when we need to fast and abstain from meat. For others it means taking on additional challenges like reading the scriptures or going to daily Mass. In the beginning we welcome the challenge. But the six or so weeks of Lent can seem to drag on. We end up looking forward to Easter, not so much as to celebrate our risen Lord, but as a relief from our extra efforts. However, if we can remember that little by little our soul is being made into a beautiful jewel, perhaps we can welcome the heat and pressure of our Lenten activities.  

Catholic Girl Journey

Unrest in the soul

We all have our ups and downs. We all struggle with concerns on many fronts. We all make choices. Even with prayer, some are easier to make than others.

I’m currently weighed down by a decision to continue with a friendship. I feel like I have been scarred by our last meeting during the Christmas season. My friend displayed not many signs of friendship: she came to my house sick with sinus issues and monopolized the conversation by complaining about her life and how difficult it was. A few days later I came down with a sinus infection that took two rounds of antibiotics to kick. The meeting left me feeling anything but happy to see her, and that I was a terrible person and friend to think so. But this was not the only time I’ve felt this way. Even before she came, I felt I needed to put on some emotional “body armor” as I expected her sharp comments. She’s a very decisive person, and it often seems that once she comes to a decision, if you don’t share the same decision then you’re just stupid.

We only meet up a few times a year. Since I don’t believe in coincidence, I feel that God put her in my life for a reason. She is not a person of faith at all and tolerates if I talk about my faith. Am I to be a light to her? She is struggling with a number of diseases that has left her in discomfort or, at times, pain. Am I to be a source of companionship during her struggle? A family situation is rather trying to her and she looks to get out of the house to take a break from it. Am I to be a refuge for that occasional relief?

This past Sunday’s readings spoke of loving one’s neighbor. I don’t believe I harbor a grudge against her and her actions. I think partly it’s that I’m disappointed that rather than celebrating getting together or declining to meet due to the sinus issue, she came and sucked all the joy out of me while sharing her sickness. I want to be sympathetic, I do pray daily for her. She emailed last week about setting up our next meeting. It was a rough week at work and, still feeling hurt from the last time, I deleted it. But she is persistent and I know she’ll email again; I will need to answer. Will I be able to get past the hurt, accept her for who she is (sharp comments and all) and strive to love her as God does? I know I can lean on God for strength to get me through and make the right decision. Rather than worry and stress over it, I know I need to leave it in His hands. Sometimes, it’s easier said than done.

Catholic Girl Journey

Mercy’s long history

I don’t remember how I came across it, but I have noted in my study Bible the seven psalms to pray for the souls in purgatory (6, 32,38,51,102,130 and 143) each followed by a “Glory be.” These psalms focus on seeking the mercy and pardon of God and praising Him for His assistance.

While the intention is to pray these 7 prayers on behalf of the souls in purgatory, one can’t help but to reflect upon the message of each psalm. A prayer in time of distress, psalm 6 is a plea to God to be healed and ends with confidence that “the Lord has accepted my prayer.” The theme of psalm 32 is the remission of sin. It describes how “heavy” sin weighs us down, yet when we turn and confess our sins to God we can again be happy and rejoice. A prayer of an afflicted sinner, psalm 38 illustrates the physical and emotional anguish of one who is keenly aware of his broken relationship with God. It is followed by the prayer of repentance; “For I acknowledge my offense and my sin is before me always.” (Ps 51:5) Psalm 102 is another prayer in time of distress and acknowledges man’s fleeting time on earth in comparison with the everlasting God saying that even the heavens “shall perish, but you remain though all of them grow old like a garment. Like clothing you change them, and they are changed, but you are the same, and your years have no end.” (Ps 102:27-28)

My favorite verse is found in psalm 130, “If you, O Lord mark iniquities, Lord who can stand? But with you is forgiveness, that you may be revered.” This short psalm, 8 verses in total, sums up what it means to seek pardon from God and receive His mercy. Lastly, the prayer of the penitent in distress concludes with hope in God, if we but look to do His will. “May your good spirit guide me on level ground.” (Ps 143:10)

It amazes me that these prayers were written thousands of years ago, yet are very much relevant to today. We are in no less need of God’s mercy and we have these wonderful prayers that can sum up how we feel as we reach out to God for forgiveness.

Catholic Girl Journey

Close to home

“Not many of my friends come and visit me anymore,” my Dad remarked to me. It was almost as if a light when off in my head: visit the sick – one of the corporal works of mercy. And it was right within my family.

Struggling with Parkinson’s, my Dad is very limited to what he can do, as every movement is painfully slow. His only excursions are to the doctors. Prior to his decline, he was active and often went out with his friends for various outdoor pursuits. Now, because of his extremely limited mobility, he’s stuck at home. As I get older myself, the 2+hour drive to my parents’ house can feel like a chore. I do love them and want to spend time with them, but the travel does take a toll. I’ve usually looked at the visits as a family obligation, now I’m seeing it in a new light of being one of the works of mercy.

When I would think of visiting the sick, I think of someone who is in the hospital (or just released), someone fighting cancer or a similar disease. I never really thought of it as reaching out to a homebound elderly person. I also had the notion that the works of mercy were to be performed for strangers, not family members. Perhaps I’ve made that limitation because the best example was Jesus’ parable of the good Samaritan (Lk. 10:30-37), where it was a stranger who aided the injured man. It makes me wonder if I missed other opportunities to help people because the situation didn’t fit into a particular scenario.

I’ve heard it said that charity begins at home, and I’m beginning to see how true that is. We do learn much about how to treat others by the way we interact with our family members, no matter how old we get. Perhaps the best way of learning the works of mercy, both corporal and spiritual, is by looking for opportunities close to home and within the family.

Catholic Girl Journey

Just Him and me

My eyes closed. My head bowed. I was still. It was just Him and me.

During the homily, the priest mentioned that the founder of the Community of St. John wrote we are most ourselves when we are in adoration of God. That was a rather powerful statement; it resonated with me throughout the rest of the Mass.  The Community of St. John has been an inspiration to many, even aiding in conversions. The humility of all the members is evident in  the way they don’t just kneel, but bow down, even to the point of lying prostrate before the Blessed Sacrament. They know they are the created and He is their Creator.

While I do make an effort to concentrate when I attend Mass, it is very easy to get distracted. This time, I just kept thinking that I was there to adore God. It was the one and only reason to be there. Going up to receive communion, the choir was singing, “Lead me to the cross.” As I was waiting to receive, I was thinking the song was more of a Lenten song than one for a communion procession.  After receiving, I came back to the pew with a smile on my face and tears in my eyes knowing I was a vessel containing Jesus. I do often close my eyes when praying after communion; it helps to block out the distractions. This time was different; closing my eyes heightened my hearing to listen to the song. Now, it seemed very appropriate, as Jesus offered his Body for us on the cross. This same Jesus was present to me in the host as I recited the Anima Christi prayer, “…Water flowing from the side of Christ, wash me. Passion of Christ, strengthen me.” It was like I was there at the foot of the cross, praying. It was just Jesus and me.

The brightness of the lights as I opened my eyes brought me back to church. A precious moment with such intensity is a rare occasion. I wish everyone could, at least just once in their lifetime, have a similar experience, feeling Jesus’ presence, not just physically in the host, but spiritually in the soul.

Catholic Girl Journey

Hungry

“Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be satisfied.” (Mt. 5:6)

What are you hungry for? There are many kinds of hunger. The most obvious is the hunger for food.  Even with our nation’s surplus, many still go hungry for lack of food. But there is another kind of hunger, an urge for something more. Some look to success in the workplace; if we can just get one step higher on the ladder of success, we think that will satisfy us. For some it is the family; if we can just get our family perfect, the yearning will cease. Yet when we hear the Sermon on the Mount or the Beatitudes, do we ever put ourselves in the place of one of those who hungers?

What does it mean to be hungry? In regards to food, even if we have plenty to eat, we can still get hungry. We need to keep eating at intervals during the day to keep our bodies going and be strong enough to complete our daily tasks. So what does it mean  to be hungry for righteousness? Righteousness is defined as following a moral good or divine law. So how can we be hungry for following God’s law? Have you ever felt the urge to live the 10 Commandments?

Just like the daily desire for food to nourish our bodies, we have a daily desire to come closer to God and to do His will. It is that need that drives us to seek Him out: in prayer, at Mass, in receiving Holy Communion and in bringing Him to others. Jesus promises us we will be satisfied. But as the need for food is with us daily, so too is the need for Him.  And at the end of every good meal, we feel a sense of fullness, so too when we do the will of God we may also have some sense of satisfaction. Yet each day will be a new opportunity to hunger and thirst until we are at last in the Kingdom of God.

Keeping the comparison of hungering for food to that of striving to do God’s will, we can take comfort in the daily satisfaction it brings us.  Our daily struggle to respond to this hunger helps keep despair away as we face what often seems like a Godless world.