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Catholic Girl Journey

Beloved dust

He’s making diamonds out of dust
Making diamonds out of us
— “Diamonds” by Hawk Nelson

Every Ash Wednesday we are told that we are dust and we shall return to dust. It is a stark reminder that we are all sinners and what we will have to pay, at least for a time, for our sins. Our souls will be separated from our bodies; and while our souls wait for the end of time, our human remains return to dust.

I do enjoy the song “Diamonds” by Hawk Nelson and the message seems rather appropriate for Lent. We can look at this season as a time to eat fish on Fridays and not to eat in between meals, or we can look at it as an opportunity for God to transform us. If our bodies are dust, then I hope my soul will become like a diamond for God: shining in His glory, reflecting His rays of grace and mercy and transforming His light into the various colors of the rainbow.

Diamonds are formed by heat and pressure. Lent gives us the opportunity to apply some pressure to ourselves. For some, this pressure it just remembering what day it is and when we need to fast and abstain from meat. For others it means taking on additional challenges like reading the scriptures or going to daily Mass. In the beginning we welcome the challenge. But the six or so weeks of Lent can seem to drag on. We end up looking forward to Easter, not so much as to celebrate our risen Lord, but as a relief from our extra efforts. However, if we can remember that little by little our soul is being made into a beautiful jewel, perhaps we can welcome the heat and pressure of our Lenten activities.  

Catholic Girl Journey

Unrest in the soul

We all have our ups and downs. We all struggle with concerns on many fronts. We all make choices. Even with prayer, some are easier to make than others.

I’m currently weighed down by a decision to continue with a friendship. I feel like I have been scarred by our last meeting during the Christmas season. My friend displayed not many signs of friendship: she came to my house sick with sinus issues and monopolized the conversation by complaining about her life and how difficult it was. A few days later I came down with a sinus infection that took two rounds of antibiotics to kick. The meeting left me feeling anything but happy to see her, and that I was a terrible person and friend to think so. But this was not the only time I’ve felt this way. Even before she came, I felt I needed to put on some emotional “body armor” as I expected her sharp comments. She’s a very decisive person, and it often seems that once she comes to a decision, if you don’t share the same decision then you’re just stupid.

We only meet up a few times a year. Since I don’t believe in coincidence, I feel that God put her in my life for a reason. She is not a person of faith at all and tolerates if I talk about my faith. Am I to be a light to her? She is struggling with a number of diseases that has left her in discomfort or, at times, pain. Am I to be a source of companionship during her struggle? A family situation is rather trying to her and she looks to get out of the house to take a break from it. Am I to be a refuge for that occasional relief?

This past Sunday’s readings spoke of loving one’s neighbor. I don’t believe I harbor a grudge against her and her actions. I think partly it’s that I’m disappointed that rather than celebrating getting together or declining to meet due to the sinus issue, she came and sucked all the joy out of me while sharing her sickness. I want to be sympathetic, I do pray daily for her. She emailed last week about setting up our next meeting. It was a rough week at work and, still feeling hurt from the last time, I deleted it. But she is persistent and I know she’ll email again; I will need to answer. Will I be able to get past the hurt, accept her for who she is (sharp comments and all) and strive to love her as God does? I know I can lean on God for strength to get me through and make the right decision. Rather than worry and stress over it, I know I need to leave it in His hands. Sometimes, it’s easier said than done.

Catholic Girl Journey

Mercy’s long history

I don’t remember how I came across it, but I have noted in my study Bible the seven psalms to pray for the souls in purgatory (6, 32,38,51,102,130 and 143) each followed by a “Glory be.” These psalms focus on seeking the mercy and pardon of God and praising Him for His assistance.

While the intention is to pray these 7 prayers on behalf of the souls in purgatory, one can’t help but to reflect upon the message of each psalm. A prayer in time of distress, psalm 6 is a plea to God to be healed and ends with confidence that “the Lord has accepted my prayer.” The theme of psalm 32 is the remission of sin. It describes how “heavy” sin weighs us down, yet when we turn and confess our sins to God we can again be happy and rejoice. A prayer of an afflicted sinner, psalm 38 illustrates the physical and emotional anguish of one who is keenly aware of his broken relationship with God. It is followed by the prayer of repentance; “For I acknowledge my offense and my sin is before me always.” (Ps 51:5) Psalm 102 is another prayer in time of distress and acknowledges man’s fleeting time on earth in comparison with the everlasting God saying that even the heavens “shall perish, but you remain though all of them grow old like a garment. Like clothing you change them, and they are changed, but you are the same, and your years have no end.” (Ps 102:27-28)

My favorite verse is found in psalm 130, “If you, O Lord mark iniquities, Lord who can stand? But with you is forgiveness, that you may be revered.” This short psalm, 8 verses in total, sums up what it means to seek pardon from God and receive His mercy. Lastly, the prayer of the penitent in distress concludes with hope in God, if we but look to do His will. “May your good spirit guide me on level ground.” (Ps 143:10)

It amazes me that these prayers were written thousands of years ago, yet are very much relevant to today. We are in no less need of God’s mercy and we have these wonderful prayers that can sum up how we feel as we reach out to God for forgiveness.

Catholic Girl Journey

Close to home

“Not many of my friends come and visit me anymore,” my Dad remarked to me. It was almost as if a light when off in my head: visit the sick – one of the corporal works of mercy. And it was right within my family.

Struggling with Parkinson’s, my Dad is very limited to what he can do, as every movement is painfully slow. His only excursions are to the doctors. Prior to his decline, he was active and often went out with his friends for various outdoor pursuits. Now, because of his extremely limited mobility, he’s stuck at home. As I get older myself, the 2+hour drive to my parents’ house can feel like a chore. I do love them and want to spend time with them, but the travel does take a toll. I’ve usually looked at the visits as a family obligation, now I’m seeing it in a new light of being one of the works of mercy.

When I would think of visiting the sick, I think of someone who is in the hospital (or just released), someone fighting cancer or a similar disease. I never really thought of it as reaching out to a homebound elderly person. I also had the notion that the works of mercy were to be performed for strangers, not family members. Perhaps I’ve made that limitation because the best example was Jesus’ parable of the good Samaritan (Lk. 10:30-37), where it was a stranger who aided the injured man. It makes me wonder if I missed other opportunities to help people because the situation didn’t fit into a particular scenario.

I’ve heard it said that charity begins at home, and I’m beginning to see how true that is. We do learn much about how to treat others by the way we interact with our family members, no matter how old we get. Perhaps the best way of learning the works of mercy, both corporal and spiritual, is by looking for opportunities close to home and within the family.

Catholic Girl Journey

Just Him and me

My eyes closed. My head bowed. I was still. It was just Him and me.

During the homily, the priest mentioned that the founder of the Community of St. John wrote we are most ourselves when we are in adoration of God. That was a rather powerful statement; it resonated with me throughout the rest of the Mass.  The Community of St. John has been an inspiration to many, even aiding in conversions. The humility of all the members is evident in  the way they don’t just kneel, but bow down, even to the point of lying prostrate before the Blessed Sacrament. They know they are the created and He is their Creator.

While I do make an effort to concentrate when I attend Mass, it is very easy to get distracted. This time, I just kept thinking that I was there to adore God. It was the one and only reason to be there. Going up to receive communion, the choir was singing, “Lead me to the cross.” As I was waiting to receive, I was thinking the song was more of a Lenten song than one for a communion procession.  After receiving, I came back to the pew with a smile on my face and tears in my eyes knowing I was a vessel containing Jesus. I do often close my eyes when praying after communion; it helps to block out the distractions. This time was different; closing my eyes heightened my hearing to listen to the song. Now, it seemed very appropriate, as Jesus offered his Body for us on the cross. This same Jesus was present to me in the host as I recited the Anima Christi prayer, “…Water flowing from the side of Christ, wash me. Passion of Christ, strengthen me.” It was like I was there at the foot of the cross, praying. It was just Jesus and me.

The brightness of the lights as I opened my eyes brought me back to church. A precious moment with such intensity is a rare occasion. I wish everyone could, at least just once in their lifetime, have a similar experience, feeling Jesus’ presence, not just physically in the host, but spiritually in the soul.

Catholic Girl Journey

Hungry

“Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be satisfied.” (Mt. 5:6)

What are you hungry for? There are many kinds of hunger. The most obvious is the hunger for food.  Even with our nation’s surplus, many still go hungry for lack of food. But there is another kind of hunger, an urge for something more. Some look to success in the workplace; if we can just get one step higher on the ladder of success, we think that will satisfy us. For some it is the family; if we can just get our family perfect, the yearning will cease. Yet when we hear the Sermon on the Mount or the Beatitudes, do we ever put ourselves in the place of one of those who hungers?

What does it mean to be hungry? In regards to food, even if we have plenty to eat, we can still get hungry. We need to keep eating at intervals during the day to keep our bodies going and be strong enough to complete our daily tasks. So what does it mean  to be hungry for righteousness? Righteousness is defined as following a moral good or divine law. So how can we be hungry for following God’s law? Have you ever felt the urge to live the 10 Commandments?

Just like the daily desire for food to nourish our bodies, we have a daily desire to come closer to God and to do His will. It is that need that drives us to seek Him out: in prayer, at Mass, in receiving Holy Communion and in bringing Him to others. Jesus promises us we will be satisfied. But as the need for food is with us daily, so too is the need for Him.  And at the end of every good meal, we feel a sense of fullness, so too when we do the will of God we may also have some sense of satisfaction. Yet each day will be a new opportunity to hunger and thirst until we are at last in the Kingdom of God.

Keeping the comparison of hungering for food to that of striving to do God’s will, we can take comfort in the daily satisfaction it brings us.  Our daily struggle to respond to this hunger helps keep despair away as we face what often seems like a Godless world.

Catholic Girl Journey

Nooks and crannies

I believe that God is in control of all aspects of my life. At least that’s what I tell myself.

As much as I try to turn things over to God, I am always surprised by how much I hold onto. I do trust that He has my best interests in His plans. Yet as much as I tell Him I’m turning this part of my life over to His care and direction, somewhere down the road I find a piece of that I have held onto. Sometimes it’s because things are working smoothly in that area of my life and I don’t think that it needs His intervention. Other times it could be that I’m afraid that He will challenge me to seek His will in a way that I would not choose. It’s like I want to do His will as long as it’s the same as mine.

Fear is an interesting motivator. It makes us think that we have control over a situation, when in reality, it is only our response to the situation that we can control. When I find some part of my life I am still trying to control, I try to figure out why. Usually it comes down to the fact that I’m afraid of what God can do. I’ve gotten used to one perspective or a bad habit, and I’m afraid that changing it will hurt. But as a Catholic, when I really look at what God has provided so far, I feel quite foolish in my reasoning. He has blessed me with so much: life, faith, home and family. So why should I fear the hurt and disruption that change can bring? God has proved Himself more than generous in many areas where I have allowed Him to lead. It’s these nooks and crannies that I’ve hidden, both from God and myself, that can trip me up in my relationship with Him.

The journey to find the places of myself that I haven’t given over to God’s guidance will last a lifetime and perhaps even beyond. I may need purgatory to cleanse those tiny places that keep me from a complete relationship with Him. I am grateful that He is both mercy and love; patiently encouraging me to search those nooks and crannies and face my fears with the help of His grace.

Catholic Girl Journey

Baking is like faith

I was eager to try out my new bratform that I received for Christmas. I fed the sourdough for a few days, then, when it seemed bubbly enough, I stirred it into a pre-ferment and let it sit overnight. In the morning, I mixed in the remaining ingredients and kneaded it until it seemed as the directions indicated, soft but still sticky. I let it rise, giving it a fold halfway through the rising time of 2 hours. I placed it in the lined bratform, a traditional coiled cane bowl used to shape artisan loaves. Then I set it in the refrigerator overnight for maximum sourdough flavor.  In the morning, the dough came out beautifully onto the parchment paper and I slashed steam vents in the top as artistically as I could. Into the oven it went and I happily set the timer for 30 minutes.

When the timer went off and I opened the oven, my face fell. Rather than escaping through the top, the steam came out the bottom! Instead of a lovely domed-shaped loaf, it had a huge bread bubble on the bottom, making it sit lopsided. I knew what happened, but not why. I took a picture and emailed it to the folks I met at a baking class over the summer. To my surprise, it was the instructor who answered back, and on a Sunday as well! She provided some theories as to the cause and suggestions for future baking.

She closed her email by saying, “Keep at it!” Until then, I never thought of baking as a journey, more of an activity. In a way, it’s very similar to my faith journey. Sometimes I’ll get it right and sometimes I won’t, but I need to keep trying. I also need to seek out assistance from those who are on the journey with me; those who have had more experience as well as those whose gift is to offer a different perspective. Even with the dozens of loaves I’ve made over the years, each loaf, like each opportunity, is different. Just following the directions does not guarantee the same results, as the air temperature, dough temperature and many other factors play a part in how much time will be required for rising or baking. Our lives constantly offer us new challenges and ways to grow in our faith. It can be easy to say that we’re “following the directions” or that we have enough experiences to know how to handle anything that comes up. Perhaps even more so, our faith journey needs to be encouraged and nurtured.

While some New Year resolutions may have come and gone, it’s never too late to start to look for opportunities that will help us on our faith journey. Take a class, help out at the parish, or spend time weekly on spiritual reading; when we cultivate relationships and resources, it creates a network we can refer to when our journey hits a bump in the road.

Catholic Girl Journey

Would you follow a star?

Would you follow a star? What if it meant going to another country where you have never been? In the Gospel of Matthew, the story of the astrologers, or the three wise men as they often have been named, begins when they arrive in Jerusalem. They were looking for the newborn King of the Jews, and where else should they look but in the palace of the capital city?

While there are many theories and stories about the men and what could have been their journey, the gospel presents us with just enough information for us to ponder what that means for our own lives. These were men who were knowledgeable; they were able to interpret nature to understand that a king was newly born, and not just any king, but one special enough to warrant their attention and gifts. They were also men who either could, or chose to put their life on hold to make such journey. They were also open enough to be directed by a dream that instructed them to go back home via a different route.

When we look at nature what do we see? Leaves strewn on the ground that need to be raked. A sun shining so brightly we need to wear sunglasses. Snow falling so quickly that we can barely keep up shoveling out our cars and walkways. Instead of looking at nature for signs of God, it often seems that nature is just a nuisance to be tolerated. What if we looked at nature as messengers? Would we be able to correctly interpret the signs like those astrologers? Would we be able to put our lives aside to follow their revelation? Or do we need an unmistakable sign from God like the shepherds received, with a host of angels praising God and telling them where to find the newborn?

The narrative of Christmas involves being on a journey: Joseph and Mary to Bethlehem, the shepherds to see the newborn and the astrologers to see the king. Each journey is a faith journey and is different based on the person and God’s plan for them. As we begin a New Year, how can we take these Christmas stories and bring them to life in our own faith journey?

Ten fingers and ten toes

“You made the world before I was born. Here I am holding you in my arms tonight.” Those lines from Francesca Battistelli’s Christmas song, “You’re Here” caught my attention. It made me wonder what Mary thought right after the birth of Jesus.

I’ve heard mention that new parents often count the fingers and toes of their newborns, just to make sure they are all there. Did Mary count Jesus’ fingers and toes? I wonder if he cried much, especially being in a rustic stable and laid on pinching hay. As a blessed newborn, how much did Mary and Joseph hold Him? Did they imagine what His life would be like? Did they wonder how He would save the world? Or were their thoughts more about their current circumstances of being registered and when they could return to Nazareth?

If you were to hold the infant Jesus, what would be your thoughts? Being over 2,000 years after Christ’s birth, knowing all the events that have taken place, would you thank Him for all that He would do? Would you ask Him for specific blessings or help? What if you put yourself in the role of Mary or Joseph, not knowing what the future would bring? Would you cuddle Him in your arms, make Him as comfortable as possible and just marvel that God would allow you to hold Him? Or would you talk softly to Him, making silly noises to get Him to smile and laugh?

God does smile and laugh. He has ten fingers and toes. He looks to us to help and care for Him — in every person we meet. We don’t know what the future will bring for those who touch our lives. Let’s take the wonder and awe of that first Christmas and pass it on to everyone we meet.